Quickly approaching two weeks now, my stay here has been. It’s refreshing, to say the least. You’d think this whole new transition in life would supply me with many words to say, and that’s true too, evident from my endless influx of blurbs in the form of tweets as that’s the only social network that’s easier to get to. But as I sit here once again, in the Multimedia Zone of the library, I find that I have nothing to say. It’s not really a lack of information to share, anecdotes to gossip over, but rather the way I would and could present them. Long story short, going to college is something you have to experience for yourself rather than being able to express in paragraphs of words. Of course, I could try, but I don’t think I’d do it justice.

I’ve thought of so many new things during these two weeks; it’s like I’m a whole new person now. I wrote here before that I was a creature of habit, afraid of change, and this truth still pertains. I sometimes hate this undergoing change, but usually someone new comes along and I’m too caught up in my excitement to talk to a new person that I forget about it. And also the conviction that this is a normal thing and that it’s okay to ignore it. That helps too.

Speaking of new people, no, I’m not “more sociable” now. It’s funny, because I recently saw a comic shared around on Facebook that people think the trick to being more sociable is to tell them to be so. I personally agree that would’ve been much easier but the world is not a wish-granting factory, reader, as Augustus Waters said. It is possible, however, to be brave at your own pace. I like to think I’m getting better at the whole making friends situation. I joined a council that requires me to organise events, I can’t not speak. It’s tough at first, because suddenly the spotlight is on you and you hate that, but as you sit down and watch everyone around you digest the information you just provided, you feel a sense of contentment that you’d made yourself heard. You’re a part of this society. You’re participating. These people are listening to you. And that is why, readers, it’s okay to put yourself in difficult situations, because sometimes, it does more good than harm.

These two weeks have also gave me time to think about myself, because we all know that’s our favourite past time. It’s made me think of who I am and who I want to be, because back home, it’s easy to ignore these features when you’re sitting at home the whole day and dealing with situations that do not require full human interaction (I say “full” because of the existence of the Internet). I’m not sure yet, what kind of person I am, and what I want to be, so that wasn’t particularly fruitful, but telling me to not think about myself is not going to work, either. It’ll just make me do the exact opposite. Reverse psychology.

These probably don’t make sense as I’m pretty tired from my last class and as soon as Yi Jing’s finished with her class, all I want to do is go home and lie around doing nothing. I’ve also found out that I have a habit of romanticizing a lot of things. Too many things, sometimes, that things aren’t actually as they always seem. That’s because I like stereotypical illusions (sometimes) and believe it or not, they can be pretty motivational sometimes. It’s nice to think that you’re part of something bigger. Each individual has their own mechanism, and I guess I have discovered part of mine. All those thinking didn’t go to waste, after all.

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Michelle Teoh

26-year-old cynical Asian, book enthusiast and purveyor of fine sarcasm.

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