it’s 1:11am and let me tell you, it’s so easy to be sad. it’s so easy to slip into the comfortable inverted ‘T’-shape vacancy where you curl up to cry and weep and mope to your heart’s desire and then you don’t want to get out anymore. it’s cramped, and frankly, you smell a bit from not showering for 5 hours but it’s too comfortable. it’s not enjoyable but it requires less effort to stand up and crawl out of the handmade weirdly-shaped shed you’d made for yourself to lick your own wounds several months ago. it’s easier than walking all the way to the showers, stripping off all your clothes and standing under the goddamn shower head that only sprinkles cold water. it is infinitely more convenient than drying yourself off and then slipping into a new pair of clothing. so much effort. plus, there is no guarantee you won’t clamber back in after cleaning up. might as well stay put.
it’s so easy to focus your entire energy into mass manufacturing negative thoughts – and not even a variety of negative thoughts, no, not creative enough for that. the mother cell of a (-) thought undergoes binary fission to produce two identical (-) thought daughter cells. just plain mitosis. it multiplies ever so exponentially like cancerous cells. so much energy, so that there is little mitochondrial generated ATP left for the production of (+) thoughts. your mitochondria powerhouse is exhausted. at the end of the day, you are still stuck in your inverted ‘T’-shape crater with a bunch of dancing (-) thought cells in your head. very easy. very deadly.
it’s especially so easy when you’ve maintained it as a routine. it’s not something anyone does deliberately. it happens. and then it stays. and it becomes a bland regimen. at least, you trick yourself into thinking it’s a regimen. it’s not. you are getting comfortable with sadness. no. get out. get your ass out of that wretched tetris block hole. get in that shower cubicle and scrape all that mud off your kneecaps. jostle forward even when all your cells (especially if they are (-) thought cells) protest against it. do do do. don’t think. just do.
break out of the routine. it’s not impossible. a wise friend once said, “it’s okay to hurt as long as you know how to pick yourself up after that”. it’s ok. it’s ok to be sad. it’s ok to order pizza and stay put. feel it in its entirety. and then you force yourself up. stay, but don’t stay stagnant. it’s the least you can do for yourself. remember, this is always about yourself. you command how you feel, and your actions and thoughts only complement it. franz ferdinand (british rock band, not to be confused with deceased archduke) sang about a verse, “right thoughts, right words, right actions”. you choose where to go, or not to go at all. you choose between the selection choices of (-) or (+) thoughts. you choose what kind of new clothes to wear. it is so hard to believe, trust me, but it is true. because no one knows what you need and want more than you do.