2024, Let’s Wrap It Up!

For me personally, 2024 has been a very special year. And how could it not be? It is the year that I found myself asserting utmost control over significant life decisions which would eventually lead to where I am today.

The genesis of my 2024 began with my momentous move to Singapore. When I brought this up during conversation, a person that I no longer talk to asked, “But how is moving to Singapore more important than the rest of your other moves throughout your life?” My answer came with no hesitation – because my other moves all felt like they formed part of a standard life blueprint which I was designated not to stray from, but this move to Singapore was a decision I had actively made of my own accord. If anything, it was a deviation from what was supposed to be, with no supporting precedents or corroborative backup plans for me to anticipate what would happen following the fruition of this decision.

I have written of the developments and changes that had transpired since my move countless times; some good, some bad, mostly uncertain. Unfortunately, the uncertainty has hardly wavered, and in fact has, ironically, gained a stronger foothold the more comfortable and at ease I feel living in Singapore. My hunger and curiosity for finding, experiencing and wanting more is always at awkward odds with my tendency and penchant to revel in the comfort and familiarity of what I know best. Just like how my most recent MBTI test results indicated a gradual progression towards ambiversion, I have long been saddled right in between of this conundrum for the past few months, to the point that anytime I am faced with the classic question of, “So do you see yourself staying in Singapore or moving back to Malaysia in the future?” I am only able to offer a meek, hesitant response of, “Ask me again in a year’s time.”

I often jest (maybe only half-heartedly) that my ultimate decision will likely rest on whether I am able to find a partner that I would be happy to live with either in Singapore or Malaysia, but deep down I truly believe that the real pushing force behind that decision lies with the actual reason of why I decided to leave KL and move to Singapore in the first place. The standard answer I always give is the truth, but, and this was (somewhat) an epiphany I arrived at when talking to a close friend, I really do think there must be something more than just stubbornness to proceed with a plan following a failed relationship which was impactful and significant enough to make me want to trade my comfortable KL life where I had everything I could ask for, for a brand new one in Singapore where I could lose everything at the ripe age of 29. I’ve run through a whole spinwheel of possible reasons: Perhaps it was out of spite. Perhaps it was just because it felt “right”, whatever that meant. Perhaps I had something to prove, if not to others then to myself. Perhaps I was just being impulsive with little regard for consequences. Perhaps it felt like I would lie in bed in regret every night if I did not try to do something which I felt was very much within my own capability to do, and do well. Perhaps there was no reason for me not to go. Perhaps mercury was in retrograde or whatever. Perhaps I believed in a better future for myself in a foreign land, whatever “better” entails (apart from the SGD – but I can firmly say money is definitely not a deciding factor in this).

I believe in all of the above. After all, if it has crossed my mind at least once during my decision-making process, it must have counted for something. All I know for sure is that the stars were aligned in ways that I could not say no to, at least not without feeling a strong sense of regret if I did.

The significance of this move lies not only with the reason behind it, but also the consequential outcomes derived from it. I have touched on these substantively in my previous posts, but in essence: my 10 months in Singapore since February 2024 have definitely shaped me into a different person from whom I was exactly a year ago.

A year ago, having left KL and anticipating a fresh start in Singapore, I had journalled an array of concerns and worries which largely looked like this:

• Are Singaporeans as unfriendly as everyone says they are?
• What if I have no friends? What if I have no support system in a foreign country?
• What if there are office politics at my new job? What if it is a bad working environment and I don’t like it?
• What if I don’t like the change in lifestyle? Especially when it comes to living arrangements/ routines
• What if there is nothing to do in Singapore? What if there are no cosplay events and the food sucks
• What if Singapore reminds me of my ex?

A year later, approaching the end of 2024, I am now able to look back at these questions and say (source: me):

• No. If I were to elaborate further – either I’ve been very, very lucky, or just very, very naive, but most, if not all of the people I’ve interacted with, from my work deskmate to the caifan uncle near my flat, have been so friendly and accommodating that this concern never once crossed my mind. If anything, I would say that the general public may come off as more aloof and less inviting because everyone is inclined to mind their business, and only their business. This distinction is maybe more palpably noticeable during public transport commutes or spin classes, but it has not hindered my ability to form genuine and authentic connections with local Singaporeans.
• I think the biggest sense of achievement I have from the move is the new connections I’ve made in Singapore, as well as reconnecting with old friends and family members. Some of these new connections I’d made through traditional long term exposure such as my colleagues, some through more serendipitous methods like joining a tabletop board game group through a dating app match. One of my wishes at the start of the year was to make new connections while preserving and maintaining my existing ones, and I think this is a promise to myself which I have managed to keep. Insofar as support systems go, I have them to keep me sane and grounded and I am immensely grateful for them.
• I actually have a 9-6 job where I can leave at 6pm on the dot. The biggest office politic I am aware of is that a lady that sits near us constantly scolds her team members (not us) in a loud and brazen way for everyone to hear.
• I actually think that the illusion of a fresh start and the safety and convenience of Singapore have allowed me to cultivate a healthier and more productive lifestyle and routine which I’ve always wanted. I started running and weight training, two things I never thought I’d ever do, ever. Started consciously eating clean and maintaining a regular supplement regime. Became more financially independent. These were all things that I may not have been able to learn within the same period of time had I not made the move.
• It’s actually kind of incredible that I reconnected with Rei who not only was well-versed in the Singaporean ACG and cosplay scene, but ended up convincing me to be her cosplay partner twice. Granted, I no longer cosplay as frequently as I did in KL, but there was never really any lack of activity during my downtimes. Sure, the food may not be as good as Malaysian food but honestly this has very little impact on my daily life. This is also compensated by my frequent travels back to AS/KL anyway.
• Lastly, I cannot deny that it did multiple times, especially during my first few weeks. But if there is anything that I have learned so far post-breakup, it’s that any memory can be, and sometimes should be, overriden and rewritten with better ones. And that’s exactly what I plan to do.

In arriving at the above conclusions, there were paths consciously taken and decisions consciously made which progressively shaped me into someone different. I sometimes call this my (SG Version) because these paths and decisions were all taken and made with a very specific goal in mind – to become the ideal type of person that I want to be. While I struggled to do the same previously for various reasons, moving to Singapore with a brand new slate had the placebo effect of giving me reason and room to respond to things and situations differently than I would previously had without fear of judgment based on pre-existing notions of who I was. It is this paradigm shift triggered by the move that I often rely on to convince myself that moving to Singapore is not something that I regret doing.

The year has objectively been a good one purely based off the above, but there were also some bad apples in my basket of 2024 Wrapped:

• I had many, many health concerns this year, the most major obviously being my uterine fibroid diagnosis which required me to undergo a surgery under general anaesthesia. It went smoothly and I was on a 1-month MC after, but the events leading up to it were nothing short of stressful. Apart from this diagnosis, there was one time that I got hives all over my body for a week for reasons that are still unbeknownst to me, and also several other infections including Covid which contributed to –
• – many anxiety attack episodes and sleepless nights exacerbated by my being alone in a less than familiar environment. My anxiety has always been something that I constantly have to manage and live with, but this year has been especially difficult compared to the previous years.
• This year is the first time all my closest friends, who mostly used to be within reach, became long-distance. Obviously there are still many ways we keep in touch but in an ideal universe, I would love to be able to walk or drive to my best friends’ places whenever I feel like it, and vice versa.
• I started dating actively in Singapore and those who know, know the fine print details but suffice to say in a nutshell that I’ve really not had the best dating experiences so far. The amount of times I have said “we are so back” only to say “it is so over” merely a few days later is sitcom-levels of comical. I’ve always struggled to be publicly open about my thoughts in respect of my romantic experiences so I will just say this, modern dating in your late 20s in metropolitan Singapore can truly be a hellscape for a myriad of reasons, the fickleness and “convenience” of using dating apps, the incongruous dating intentions and expectations of men in their late 20s/ early 30s, and the unspoken but existent differences in thought processes and held principles cultivated by different upbringings. These are not even the worst of what I’ve experienced, but it is an exhausting process to risk being vulnerable again and again in the pursuit of human connection only to be disappointed and having to subsequently deploy damage control measures in order to protect myself from getting hurt again and again.
• My whole year since the move has been a constant internal tug-of-war in respect of the direction my life is heading towards. While most peers my age more or less already have a relatively fixed and stable plan for the next few years, it makes me anxious to even think about where I will be or what I will be doing in the next year. This makes any form of planning difficult to execute (e.g. buying a house, buying a car, even buying CNY flight tickets for 2026 because who knows where I’ll be in two years’ time) and it is the root cause of many of my anxieties. Sometimes I think it is wonderful and precious that I am able to live life excitingly where everyday presents a new challenge or opportunity, but sometimes I also wonder if my time for exploration should have been up years ago and there is a different goal that I should be aiming for rather than all of this.

Nonetheless, in true michelleteoh.com fashion, we always end a post laced with whining on an optimistic note, and for good reason too – because for every gripe in life that I have, there are more reasons to be thankful to be alive, safe and healthy. So this year, I am thankful for the numerous opportunities that came my way and for the courage to take each and everyone of them; for the fortification of my support systems both old and new in the form of family and friends irrespective of distance; for the discipline (albeit a work in progress) instilled in my daily routines and habits towards being healthier and stronger; and for the blessing of being able to survive the entire year of 2024 and maintain the tradition of writing this year end post.

Here’s to a better and wiser 2025 filled with even more love and joy for me, and also for you.