Complications

My mind shied away from the inevitable awareness that was coming,

coming quickly now.

Have you ever felt like your surroundings are turning into ashes, the world crumbling around your ears, and you’re the lone ranger, standing alone, fighting for nothing? Have you ever felt like you were the odd one out, despised, detested by everyone? Have you ever felt like there was a subconscious deep down inside you, clawing its way to get out and shine, but being pushed deep down again by the cruel reality world?

That’s what I’m feeling right now.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m holding on to a kind of numbness, not unlike Bella’s, a kind of numbness that keeps you working like a robot, following Reality’s (note the capitals) instructions. The feeling really is unlike a zombie’s. But then, when you get the time to relax, to think clearly, all of a sudden, everything starts zooming back into your mind, and the pressure and tension is too much that you feel yourself exploding inside out. Your heart beats rapidly against your ribcage, oozing too much blood, for deep down inside of you, there is a wound, a wound that cannot be healed, even by time.

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does, even for me.

People say, Time heals anything. I find that theory incorrect in so many ways. Sometimes, Time makes things worse. It makes you face the inevitable, the truth about life, how life isn’t always as sweet as it seems, no matter how hard you try to improvise. Life is never fair, and neither can we be fair to it, too. It doesn’t give you what it wants, it gives you what you don’t, and make you face it, regardless of your reaction towards it.

If life is giving you a hard time, never give up, for it is a challenge that God is setting for you. Face it calmly and steadily, and God will help you, even through the rainest days.

~Aunty Peh Lan

What would I be without Aunty Peh Lan’s encouragement? Of course, face Life as it is, for it is a challenge. Do not bow to it, instead, outcome all the obstacles, give your best, and you will find that everything is working as smotthly as possible. Work hard, to achieve success. Do not be influenced by the Satan; shy yourself away from it, and turn towards goodness, justice, righteousness.

I am still waiting for my pinnacle of success. No, scratch that. I am working hard for my summit of success. I won’t let Life get the best of me. I will strive towards my goal, my ambition, despite all the hurdles that Life had set for me.

Life, you ain’t seen the best of me.