Miserable At Worst

I try not to be pessimistic, but I’m sorry. Things were pretty terrible for a while two weeks ago and then at least it got better a little and now I’m overwhelmed all over again. I guess you can say last weekend was the central point of my life where my self-esteem really sank to the deep pits below, and I couldn’t climb out of it however hard I tried. This might sound cheesy, but I don’t even know what on Earth is happening to me right now. Everything has changed so much. Suddenly I stop seeing myself as the queen of everything because that’s all I’ve been doing lately, thinking that I’m really great at everything but now I realise I’m not and even though I know it’s my own fault and I blame myself only, it doesn’t make things better. Apparently I’ve started to like someone but all I ever think is how useless and worthless I am so of course no one’s going to pay me any attention because there are better people out there, so much more better than me yet I’ve failed to see that for so, so long. I can’t believe how ignorant I was too ignore that fact but I guess I knew it all along and just tried to hide it for some time, until now it’s finally tore free of its restrictions to haunt me forever. And I will always be left out because I’m not good enough for them. Or anyone else, for that matter.

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Michelle Teoh

26-year-old cynical Asian, book enthusiast and purveyor of fine sarcasm.

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