If I Were Castiel On Valentine’s Day

It would be a terribly awkward moment to meet Cupid like this:

Meeting a naked and hairy cherub on Valentine’s Day doesn’t seem like great outing but then again if I were Castiel I wouldn’t have to worry.

Hello folks, it’s Valentine’s Day once again and I know, I know, I’m a day late aren’t I but too bad I stayed up late until 2am last night having a movie marathon, a very “single” thing to do, as you would know. I also had a Valentine’s dinner with my parents, and it was great, you know, because I get to wear a dress and put on fishnets and prance around in public instead of wearing pyjamas and staying at home all day long, which, is actually something I would prefer but after a long period starts to get really tedious. I actually sound like someone from a “Country Girl Goes Urban” episode, don’t I? I understand this sounds pretty hypocritical of me because one second I was griping, “Both of you go on and celebrate, I’m not even celebrating this awesome and great event because I only have a dog to celebrate it with but unfortunately he can’t eat chocolate because he will die if he does which is unfortunate because my idea for Valentine’s is a full-binge on chocolate oh well that sucks but what can you do?” and the next I was getting ready to go out because I am a girl and I am vain and also impulsive so.

See? This is how irritating I can get and why I’ll be forever alone.

You know what irks me the most on Valentine’s Day, other than sickening “♥”s and “xoxo”s all over the place? Those horrible, horrible songs by Taylor Swift and Bruno Mars that makes you want to cock a gun and just shoot them in the face from all the sickeningly “sweet” and ghastly words and phrases they call lyrics.

And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side and
Realized I loved you in the fall

Your eyes whispered “have we met?”
Across the room your silhouette starts to make it’s way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

But darlin’ I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my head on a blade for ya
I’d jump in front of a train for ya
You know I’d do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for you baby
But you won’t do the same.

Just throwing in these songs that the local radio station is oh so in love with they never stop to count the number of times they play it over the radio in a day.

Reading these lyrics, the first thing that comes to mind is “HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?” The only person who would catch a grenade for you is a patriotic soldier who is risking his life for the safety of a normal citizen, and thus protecting his country and his people. And the only circumstance under which Romeo would ask for your hand in marriage is when your life is actually made into a book under the classics section.

I’m sorry that’s kind of harsh but honestly if a guy would do what Bruno Mars said he’d probably be a sly conman who lives in the squatters and is eyeing that Tiffany’s necklace you had on.

The only occasion in which I would fall completely head over heels for a guy is if Andrew Garfield appeared on my doorstep singing “Michelle” by The Beatles in his sexy British accent.

Why do I keep torturing myself with fantasies like that?

I hope it’s not too late (oh wait it is, but whatever) to wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day and don’t forget to eat cake. Lots and lots of it.

PS. I got to participate in SCMUN! There goes my brain cells for the next few weeks.

PPS. Have I told you how in love I am with this fanfic? Because I am, and Robin is a goddess for writing something so superb, it is the only reason why I’m alive right now.

Published by

Michelle Teoh

26-year-old cynical Asian, book enthusiast and purveyor of fine sarcasm.

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