I’m sorry everyone, for being gone for so long. I don’t think I really have been gone that long, since my last post was dated late March, but it certainly felt like ages to me.
The reason(s) I’ve been away:
- There was an inter-school English debate in late March.
- Catching up with missed classes and schoolwork.
- Xiao Ku got admitted into the ICU and we went to KL for 3 days.
- Catching up with even more missed classes and schoolwork.
- Kawad practice starts. (For district competition in early May.)
- Choral speaking practice starts. (For district competition on 18th April.)
- Orchestra practice starts. (For Hari Anugerah Cemerlang in early May/late April.)
- Quit kawad for orchestra practice.
- Stuff@School assignments.
- Stuff@School subscription issues.
- Violin practices. (For exam in June.)
And now, just today, Teacher KKL dropped a bomb on me that we’ll be having a friendly debate with SMK Jitra next Thursday and this time, I’m going to be speaking, really debating instead of enjoying the comps as only a researcher in the previous inter-school debate. The bomb was so abrupt I cried on the spot. I blame my tear glands for being so impulsive, but I was taken by such surprise, I didn’t see it coming at all. Maybe I did, but only in a year’s time so I had nothing to worry about…yet. But now this happens and I am left flailing helplessly, absolutely frightened because a) I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DEBATE and b) it’s like being haunted by a nightmare.
“What the? What do you mean by your clichéd teenager statement in b)?”
Two nights ago, (I swear to God this really happened, I’m not fabricating a lie to make my dilemma even more exaggerated.) I had a horrible dream. I was a speaker for my school team in a debate…against Kolej. (Can you actually believe the things my subconscious subconsciously feeds me in my sleep? And it also had to be that person.) For some inexplicable reason, I was the only speaker for my team, and vice versa for the opponent, which means only two people are debating in a round. Somehow, my snobby, arrogant alter ego was the main star of my dream, and being the ultimate snobby, arrogant alter ego of myself, I thought to myself, what’s there to prepare? So I didn’t, and decided on speaking spontaneously instead because people fare better spontaneously, right? I was actually brimming with confidence until the moment I stood up and had the mic in front of my mouth. No words came out at all. I was literally paralysed with fear. I could feel everyone’s stare on me and I started to panic but I still couldn’t speak at all because what am I going to speak about? I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be speaking about!
I woke up feeling so humiliated and afraid but I realised my dream won’t happen, at least not for another year.
And thus this is the moment I point my finger at my naive self and scoff at my foolishness or should I say, brilliance because I could be potentially prophetic!
Well if this is the truth and I get prophecies alike this every week, then there won’t even be a speck of ash left over from my incapacitated body when they are through with me. (Maybe ‘cremated’ would be a more suitable word…or maybe not.)
In addition to all of this, I have gained so much weight lately that I’m starting to disgust myself. Most people find themselves losing weight rushing around from all the busyness but because I am such an odd specimen, the more problems headed my way, the more I have my own ‘Intimate Binging Hour’ to take my mind off everything to focus on the food in front of me. It’s not exactly healthy but it’s proven to be effective.
Let’s see if I can survive this horrendous fourth month of the year.