4am thoughts on the 4th of october are mostly about last day of school, which was today. and feeling tired but not tired enough to sleep. feeling like i’m not doing these emotions justice. feeling like i hate emotions and why am i burdened with feeling so much in the first place. and feeling sad but happy, scared but brave, all the paradoxes and contradictions you can possibly come up in the world.
right now, besides lamenting about the end of the routine of college and classes (i fret about the stupidest things), most of what i’m feeling are emotions for people. good emotions, though. mostly gratitude. it’s neverending, and i will never stop thanking the stars for the friends i’ve made. there’s also a sense of urgent need to do something (besides the obvious studying for a2). like doing things with friends. talking to them. just generally being around these people whom i haven’t been around with for a long enough time. and now our g3 story is ending soon and i’m not even finished writing up own epilogue yet. the feeling i’m feeling right now is kinda like when you listen to the last song on an album and you KNOW it’s the last song and you just feel and sense its ending and there’s just a melancholic tint to it. current mood: the last track on an album.