levelling up

it has been a hot minute since i publicly posted here. but i thought where i am now (and where i’m heading to) justifies a break in this silence.

to say that a lot of shit had happened for the past half year is a grave understatement. without delving into details, suffice for me to disclose that i got very hurt, and it was one of the toughest times of my life.

i’ve had my fair share of downtimes. i wasn’t exactly the most optimistic person. my first instinct when anything remotely bad happens would usually be to throw a pity party, cry and lament about how shitty my life is. and to be honest, i think i secretly revelled in that. but this time i dealt with my grief and heartache a bit differently, and i didn’t even realise the difference until i was smack right in the middle of it.

i found myself treating myself better, and with more care. cut myself more slack than i would’ve many years ago. made myself focus on the good people i’m surrounded with, the hobbies i like, and the things that make me happy and not otherwise. and in the midst of this, i realised that…i kinda like me. i like the person that i’ve come to be, the thoughts and energy i have, and the people i’ve chosen to keep by my side. and this realisation of self appreciation (which was severely lacking when i was growing up as a kid with self-esteem issues) really helped me rationalise a lot of my worries and put things into better perspective at a time when a significant chunk of my world was collapsing. i was really, really pleasantly surprised at how i handled this clusterfuck of a mess.

so that’s where i’m at now. i’m in a better place. and i have my close family and friends to thank for helping me get to where i am today.

now that that’s out of the way – where i’m heading! i’m leaving KL, the city that has really grown on me for the past five years. but initial plans, recent events and sudden serendipities to which i can’t say no to have chartered my course to – Singapore. if all goes well, i will be moving to lion city next month. it’s both exciting and daunting but i am ready for a change in scenery.

that means i’m leaving again. my whole life has just been a series of departures. leaving Alor Setar, leaving Sunway, leaving Manchester and now this. i used to hate it, and was envious of friends who were fortunate enough to always have the comfort of staying. but i think i’m ready to feel uncomfortable and do things that scare me, just to see how much i can push myself to be an even better version of myself. i can’t wait to see and to show everyone what else i am capable of.

leaving is hard, but if there’s something i learned from recent events, it’s that sometimes you don’t level up until you leave. so i hope this next phase of my life is a good one. see you guys around.