Or, to put it simply, I don’t know how to blog anymore.
Is there a “proper” way to blog? A Blogging For Dummies-esque manual that gives you step-by-step instructions on how to blog the correct way?
What do people search for in blogs? Do they look for daily recounts of the blogger’s life? Or opinionated pieces of a certain issue? Or lovely photobombed photoposts?
Everytime I click on the ‘Add New’ button on my sidebar, I try hard to convince myself that I can write whatever I want; I can write about how many times I fell down in school today; I can write about my views on the Prime Minister’s 2012 Budget; I can write my own reviews of my favourite book series et cetera but by the time I hit the ‘Publish’ button (or I don’t), I would only have an irrelevant photo or six paragraphs of hipster lyrics as the only content (or nothing at all).
It’s just kind of sad that I can’t write anything freely anymore without being constantly worried and paranoid about so many other people whom I know reading about it, thinking about it, commenting about it (both directly and indirectly).
I just decided to create this post so people won’t think I’ve abandoned this blog. And also for the sake of updating.
I never thought the day would come when I would see blogging as a chore but oh well.
You know what I miss? Debating.
In fact, what a coincidence. I just had a dream last night that Aifa, Alia and I went to some kind of HELP-similar debate competition in Singapore. But it wasn’t a great dream. It was quite horrible in fact, because I was unprepared -literally unprepared- for the competition. Typical nightmare of mine.
But I do miss debating. I told Aifa this sometime ago, and she said I just missed going to debates instead of really debating. Well, she did have a point. Debating gets you everywhere, and the people you meet at these kind of events get you to places as well. I’ve only been to one unofficial “friendly” debate and one official debate competition but I’ve gotten to know some very good friends from both matches. It’s a thrilling experience, oftentimes digging you out of the hermit hole you’ve made in that tiny town of yours.
Going to debates aside, I miss the verb debating itself as well. I miss staying up till late night, draining our brain juices (oh ho what fun times indeed!); I miss researching on brand new issues and topics I’ve never heard of before, and the joy of procuring new knowledge; I miss feeling scared before entering debating grounds; I miss coercing myself to sound loud and confident even though I clearly am scared out of my wits; I miss being able to take a stand and express my opinions about a certain issue; I miss leaving the ‘battlefield’ with a sense of pride that I have done something out of the ordinary, and I have done it well.
There’s just a really enthralling and adrenaline-inducing thrill to the art of debating. Sure, it is really, really stressful and tiring, but walking down reminiscence road, debating has been one of the highlights of this year.
Hence, armed with this newfound passion, we’ve decided to march into the wider field of debating grounds a new army with raw passion and determination next year, hoping for some victory battles, as well as passing on the debating vehemence and zeal to the generations after us.