2008 Year End Edition: Farewell
2009 Year End Edition:
“What, now?” I asked incredulously when Afifah and Kelly came over to the lab to call us for class streaming at the kuliah. Anum, Leea, Laila, Serena, Chin and I got up reluctantly, disappointment looming at everyone. I won’t be all ‘perasannnnn‘ to not admit that I know I’m going to stay in Asma class, but Chin was feeling down and I had a hard time consoling her that everything was fine.
Turned out I’m not such a seer, after all.
So when the 2010 3 Asma students headed back for the labs, I was worried for Chin and Pfong. I hoped they wouldn’t take the hit too seriously, but who was I kidding? I knew I’d be heartbroken if I was in their shoes too.
What really irritated me was that there were only nine non-Muslim’s in 3 Asma, because no one was promoted to our class, but four were demoted to Malaysia class, including Chin and Pfong. I knew how much Pfong wanted to stay, because she did well in her finals, and she was confident, unlike Chin. But, CJ, who, in fact, scored lower marks than Pfong in finals remained in Asma class, and I think that broke Pfong and Soya’s heart altogether. When Soya and I arrived at the 2 Asma lab, Chin and Pfong were nowhere to be found, and to be honest, we were quite worried. Soya said she saw Pfong weeping, and I was postive Chin was equally sad and disappointed, too.
I wanted to console them, to make them feel better, but sick, pathetic me was aware of my lack of professionality in consoling jobs, and I knew if I opened my mouth, everything would be worse, so I kept my distance and my lips shut.
When I finally met Chin, I tried to lighten the atmosphere, reminding her about out Pizza Hut vouchers, and it actually worked. Oh God, please let everybody be oblivious for once, please? Wouldn’t it be better if we treated as if nothing had happened? ‘Cause it would be better, but then that would be a betrayal of emotions. I witnessed enough shedding of tears to truly fathom that.
I wasn’t experiencing the previous numbness I felt last year, because I guess I was expecting this. Anum even said to me, “So, you’re alone again, next year,” which I replied, “I’m always going to be a loner. Every single year,” and nothing could be truer. I knew then, no matter what form I’m in, I’ll always be the outcast, because that was my nature.
Chin and Pfong, please don’t think I’m ignorant or proud when keep quiet around you guys. It’s because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings and make the situation worse. I truly love you guys and wish our friendship will never fade, because you are the only ones keeping me sane in this school. I heart you guys a lot.
PS. If anyone sees this, especially Yi Hong or someone else, I’m soooo sorry I couldn’t make it to Pumpong’s graduation day today, because I had to attend school or risk my merit marks being deducted.
Sadly, Mayo out.