The End of Something Amazing (And A Whirlwind of Emotions)

It’s the 19th of December. I’m back from the YNN camp, which also means that my stint here in KL is officially over.

No more waking up at 7.30 every morning to get ready for work. No more crossing the overhead bridge to walk over to Menara Star every morning. No more taking the lift to Level 3A or 5. No more flashing my tags to enter the respective editorial departments. No more assignments. No more rushing around to meet deadlines. No more eating at the cafeteria or Commons. No more laughing and goofing around with the other interns. No more waiting at the entrance of 11.45 Club at 5 every evening for Hoon Jie Jie to pick me up. No more…internship.

It’s become a part of my life for a month already so taking that away is kind of making the absence of it foreign now.

Judging by the intensity of my homesickness for the past month, it’s kind of a wonder that I feel sad to leave this place; you’d think I’d be glad and relieved to return home, but that’s just it. I’m awfully sad to leave this place, Menara Star and my new, amazing friends but I’m also incredibly happy to go home and meet my parents and basically just everyone in Alor Setar whom I haven’t seen in a month, and also to celebrate Christmas. These contradicting and conflicting emotions make my head hurt.

Human emotions, how do you work?

I’ve had a terrific time here. To be perfectly honest, there were times when I wanted to quit everything and just go home, times when I told myself that I’m not fit for this place, that the people here are too different for my liking. But then again, it’s not like I have a choice, do I? And most of the time, pleasant surprises turn up at random moments to alleviate the foreignness of it all. Friendships are formed, lessons are learned, and it’s these little things that make everything bad bearable, and sometimes even great. I’ve done things I’ve never thought I would have the guts to do and made friends with some of the coolest people I’ve ever met. Frankly, going home just seems quite bland and plain now compared to my initial zest.

I think the main thing that’s gotten me through the downs of the past month is my Starstruck! family. Min Hui’s so adorable and amazingly funny; Paik Suan’s jakun-ness is often an entertaining factor whenever we’re together and Claire’s so shy and precious and I quote Min Hui, “just like a little sister”. These three people were the ones I stuck to most of the time throughout the internship, so they’re almost like the sisters I’ve never had.

And also Ann-Marie, Ellora, Kyle, Ju Mei, Le Shea, Wee Nie and Amanda: for being such brilliant friends for the past few days; I wish we could’ve had more time together (one week is simply not enough).

It’s the post internship-cum-camp depression all over again. Yet again, I don’t want these wonderful memories to fade but I know they’ll dim down with time and there’s nothing I can do to prevent this so I’m just going to indulge in my memory archives while they’re still fresh in my mind.

I’m going to miss our Orlando-Bloom-lookalike stalking session, our Circle of Love, that infinite night at TGI Friday’s, that wonderful meeting in Warm Red, the overused “CEPUMAS” word in our vocabularies, the imitations of my Last Friday Night video everywhere I go and so many more. Thank you everyone, my entire Starstruck! family, Anne, Jeannette, everyone at the Newsdesk, Features and Education desk, San Ku and Hoon Jie Jie for making my one month here as great as it could possibly be. I could never ask for anything more than this. Thank you so much.

This post is kind of messy as are my emotions and feelings currently. I’m sorry.

I’m coming home on Friday a different and renewed person. Not entirely, but just enough.

PS. A page of the entire YNN Camp will be up soon under the ‘Journals’ tab. Watch out for it.

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Author: Michelle Teoh

21-year-old cynical Asian, book enthusiast and purveyor of fine sarcasm.

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