var (was/shelter)

apparently you can make gifs on tumblr now

I think I’ve mentioned before on here that I’m a creature of habit. It doesn’t matter where I am as long as I’m adapted to it, have formed a routine/habit revolving around it. Hence, it was pretty strange to come home at first.

So far, my time at home has consisted of endless scrolling through Tumblr, bullying my dog (or the other way round, really), having cooking lessons with my mum and a dinner at Gemilang with the usual suspects. Needless to say, I don’t think I’ll be very willing to go back to KL after I’ve built a routine here. Movement sucks, but only with movement can you truly live.

Y’know, I never thought that my mom would worry about me having no friends at college, although I do see where she’s coming from. I’m glued to the Internet and if possible, will never want to leave a certain premise I’m comfortable with. I like to think that the forcible first step into college has brought about a change within me. A change of bravery and confidence. Heck, I permanently wear a wristband that says “bravery”, that’s pressure enough to be what your wristband says you should be. It’s easy to change as you step into a new environment; no one knows who you previously were and you can build a whole different reputation for yourself. That’s probably the greatest thing about starting college. And when you come home, you have the excuse of “college” being an influence for your change in personality.

But change scares me sometimes (creature of habit, remember?) that I wonder is this a change for the better? will people back at home approve of this change? I like to think it’s a good change, but what do I know, really? There could be people whispering behind my back that they’ve seen it coming, like it’s a bad thing. This isn’t a factual assumption, but I’ve heard of many anecdotes where this takes place and more often than not, it’s not something to be proud of. I don’t know. This is really confusing and terrifying to think about. Sometimes you just want to grab the world by the shoulders and shake them while yelling, “WHO AM I”

I also got a pair of Doc Martens yesterday.

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Author: Michelle Teoh

21-year-old cynical Asian, book enthusiast and purveyor of fine sarcasm.

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