The last time I wrote a post that wasn’t about an event/feelings/some kind of obligatory post about something obligatory was probably last year. That’s a bit. Sad. I looked back on my posts and there is a certain detached feeling to all of them.
Which speaks volumes about how afraid I am to write here. There are so many opinions I have about ~radical and ~controversial issues which, if I wrote here, would be read by quite a number of people that I actually know and talk face to face to in real life. And that is nothing if not awfully frightening. I don’t know. Baby steps. Fear is a crippling beast.
I realise now why I actually do only write about things that people/ask.fm anons ask me to write about. Because if it’s not requested by other people, how dare I write about stuff that no one demands to know about. Who cares how your day went. Who cares how you feel about a certain something. It’s foolish and pathetic how low I’ve stooped, conforming myself to societal pressure. As if the only validation I need is validation from other people apart from myself. I am a fantastic agony aunt to anons on ask.fm (“Who cares what other people think only you decide how to live your own life!!!”) but I should perhaps take some of my own advice that I spew out on the Internet. Talked the walk, so now walk the talk. Or something like that.
It’s almost 10PM and I am so worn out to the extent that these words on my laptop screen are so blurred and I’ve already forgotten what I wrote about in the last three paragraphs (good job mathematical senses still intact in the face of fatigue) but I guess this is truly a post in real-time so I’m going to write this post with the assumption that people actually want to know what’s happening in my life. There’s that other-people-validation thing again.
I am currently in my third semester of A Levels in Sunway College and I will be sitting for my A2 exams in October-November. Mock exams are in 1.4 weeks and then I get to go home one last time for a week before I’ll be coming back here, finishing off my exams and university applications and human adult responsibilities before I finally leave this place for good. On one hand, it would be a relief once A Levels are over but on the other, I don’t think I will ever be prepared to leave this place. And by this place I don’t actually mean the literal accommodation of SMR and also Sunway and away from home in general, but rather the routines I’ve grown accustomed to, the second family that are my friends and the memories we’ve made here. It’s only been a year, but it feels like the longest ass year I’ve ever been through.
I’m also doing a lot of f*ckiminmy20s-inspired (what do you call them) infographics/drawings/texts???
michelle teoh 