*blows thick layer of dust off blog* Are y’all still here? Still with me? Good. Because I haven’t been here, sorry about that.
In conjunction with Youtube’s campaign which was in turn in conjunction with International Women’s Day, I made a video on the topic of #DearMe, which you can watch below:
(FOREWARNING: generic iMovie music, badly edited jumpcuts, bad quality audio and visual recording, possibility of stringed words to form nonsensical sentences etc JUST GO IN WITH THE LOWEST EXPECTATION POSSIBLE)
And now to blog about this, because blogging is basically talking about whatever I’d left out of vlogging because even talking to myself alone in my room makes it hard for me to speak out my thoughts coherently. I’m still working on that. That’s why I picked up vlogging in the first place.
Dear second-half-of-2012 Michelle,
You’re like, so confused and scared. School is over and what’s next. You’re also just realising how panicky a person you are and that makes you panicky because you’ve always been so bad at handling flaws. You’re feeling so cornered and stuck, and just so afraid all the time. A friend recently told you that you can’t see the highs in your life at the moment because you’re so deep in the lows, and you will feel like that for, give or take, another month or so.
But you become stronger than that. Well, you are stronger than that, just that you don’t realise it in that moment, unsurprisingly. Let me tell you, you will get a job, make new friends, travel to a foreign country alone for a month without your parents, and then attend college and brave through all (literally, ALL, good god 2013 was the bravest I’ve been) challenges thrown your way. It sounds unbelievable to you right now when you’re alone crying in your room to One Direction probably, but it’s true.
You will grow from this.
Dear first-half-of-2014 Michelle,
You’re sort of feeling like it’s a relapse again, and you’re afraid this will scare your new friends away. It won’t, though. In fact, they will help to build you up again. This is when you will realise how lucky you are to have made the friends you’ve made. This is current me telling you right now; I still feel so fortunate and grateful to have my friends with me to this day. You will grow to accept your fears and anxiety, yet you won’t allow it to define who you are. It’s one of the many stumbling blocks in life, and you will learn to overcome this.
During this period, you’re also discovering more about yourself, which, of course, makes you frightened and sad once again. You’re feeling the familiar trapped feeling, like you might never rise from this and it will weigh down on you forever. It won’t, though. Are you noticing the pattern here? In fact, you manage to handle your emotions better progressively (not immediately though, so hang in there) and you will learn and grow so much and to be quite honest, I am who I am right now because of what I’ve learned from this.
You will grow from this.
Be brave and strong always. Another friend once told you (or will tell you, depends where you are on the timeline) the bravery and strength you crave so much is already within you, you just need to remember that and believe you are capable and adequate. Don’t allow room in your life for toxic people to pull you down. Don’t treat everything as a personal attack and learn to take certain things a little less seriously. Things are rarely as bad or horrible as you think they are. Situations will never remain stagnant. You will never be trapped in a certain way forever. And well, if you feel like you’ve hit your lowest point, then there’s no way left to go but up.
Stay optimistic. Everything will work out eventually, and things are going to be great. If I can believe that, then you can, too. In fact, you should, because I’m you.