i recently started journalling again.

i realised that even though i couldn’t be completely honest and truthful due to my chronic fear and anxiety of what other people might think when they read what i write here/interact with me, i couldn’t do that to the self-analyses of my own thoughts in private because who am i deceiving when i try to lie to myself by painting myself in a good picture? by covering all these awful asshole thoughts by coming up with some bullshit justified reason? and it’s only through journalling that i am able to be honest with myself, something that i don’t think i can really afford being on here or with other people because i probably would have no one left around me if i do. i hate that. the most important thing one can be to another is honest and sincere, and yet i fail to even do that because the cost of doing otherwise would be too much for me to bear; and truthfully speaking (ironically) i am already approaching my limit.