Michelle’s Serious Deathly Hallows Review

“Finally !!! That twerp finally writes the review !!!”

Before I start, let me just voice out an opinion of mine. When Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 hit the cinemas, the world broke down, because the movie signaled the end of the Harry Potter era.

I don’t quite get it. The end of the HP era should be when JK Rowling released Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows the book. The films were just adaptations of the original stories. We should’ve done our sobbing four years ago when Harry’s time really and truly came to an end.

But sadly, it didn’t seem the case with the other 6,980,778,404 people in the world. (Current world population as of right now- exactly 1.00AM.)

Just kidding. (About the whole world not agreeing with me. I was totally serious about the first part.)

Serious Deathly Hallows Review

I have to admit, when the film started, I wasn’t as excited as I was when I had watched Deathly Hallows Part 1. (Ask Jia Yuan. I was whimpering when the Warner Brothers’ logo appeared on screen.) I am pretty sure the main reason for that is because I have been avoiding trailers, photos, promos and anything at all related to HP DH II, so that meant avoiding Tumblr completely. I did this because I wanted the element of surprise, the one thing HP DH I failed to give me the first time. I didn’t want the same thing to happen again so that’s what I did.

Only to find out it didn’t really make any difference.

HP DH II did a pretty bad job with its opening. Too boring and draggy. Not captivating enough to catch one’s attention when one is so easily distracted by popcorn and drinks and that horrible BO the person next to you is giving off. (No, I’m not describing my situation in the cinema when I watched the movie that was just an exempli gratia !!!) For the first few minutes when the Trio had lengthy conversations with the goblin and Ollivander, I completely zoned out. I couldn’t even bring myself to pay attention to the cinema screen until the Gringotts scene.

Okay, Gringotts scene. As always, Helena Bonham Carter was fabulous, even as Hermione. And then there was the cart ride and at that moment I wished I’d watched the movie in 3D. (Not like we have any chance to do so in Alor Setar but still, a movie buff can wish, right?) And then the suspenseful vault scene, and then Griphook’s trolling scene. And then the dragon! And then everything was moving really fast…until the scene when Rupert and Dan took off their shirts. Also I’m pretty sure what everyone in the cinema was thinking about right then was:

“What about Emma?” *creepy smirk*

Okay, fine, if you didn’t, congratulations, here’s a pebble for you.

After that, they Apparated into Hogsmeade to find themselves being hunted down instantaneously but fortunately Aberforth was there to save the day! I have to admit that I’m pretty sour that David Yates left out Dumbledore’s history. That was one of the highlights of the Deathly Hallows book, in my opinion. Anyway, never mind that, because NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM MAKES HIS APPEARANCE!

*cues celebration and cheers*

What? You don’t think Neville Longbottom deserves a congratulatory welcome for being such a hot bamf who pretty much dominated the whole movie plus save most of the asses in it?

Well, that’s your own problem, you go solve it yourself.

And so Neville led the Trio to Hogwarts secretly and everyone cheered at the sight of their hero and there were hugs and fistpumps and pats on the backs all around!

The scene then changed and Snape appeared, demanding to know where was Harry Potter and so Wild Harry appeared! And then an even Wilder Minerva McGonagall appeared and Imma letcha finish, but Snape-McGonagall’s intense fight scene was the best scene of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II. Of. All. Time.

Hogwarts was chaos by then, and Harry went to find the ghost of Rowena Ravenclaw’s dead daughter while Ron and Hermione went to the Chamber of Secrets and can I say, Most Unexpected Kissing Scene? (Like I said, I’ve already forgotten most parts in the book already! Plus, I didn’t forget the Ron/Hermione kiss, I just didn’t see it coming.)

But let’s just forget the kissing scene for a while okay because HERE COMES VOLDEMORT WITH HIS 748483759873285943 NUMBER OF DEATH EATERS. (That was a keyboard smash, in case you didn’t know. No, I do not know Voldemort personally nor do I have each and everyone of his Death Eater’s business card.) This was the part that really got my adrenaline pumping because admittedly I was looking forward to the Hogwarts Battle the most.

After that came the Room of Requirement scene where Harry had to find the lost diadem and this was also where Draco Malfoy came in. I have to say, it’s kind of sad that Tom’s screen time in the Potter movies following their sequences shows a negative gradient. But can I also point out that Crabbe…is not Crabbe. I understand that the person who used to play Crabbe was arrested, but…couldn’t they have found someone of closer resemblance to the ‘original’ Crabbe?

The one on the right is Crabbe.
Apparently, the one on the right...is also Crabbe?!

After the Fiendfyre scene, Harry realised he needed to find Voldemort to find Nagini, and somewhere in that process he had a random kiss with Ginny. (Whenever these random kissing scenes pop up I imagine David Yates and his entourage sitting behind a computer looking through scenes where Yates occasionally points at a random interval and yells, “There! Insert Kissing Scene Number One there!”)

The trio found Voldemort in the end, but he was with Snape and…and…

The next series of events: ALAN RICKMAN FOR ALL THE AWARDS.

And then came the realisation that Harry himself needed to die and I admit, that was the part that affected me the most in the book. So I took the walk with Harry into the Forbidden Forest and that whole scene was just seriously A+. And then there was the King’s Cross scene with Dumbledore, Harry’s ‘revival’ in the Forbidden Forest, Voldemort and his Death Eaters’ march to Hogwarts, VOLDEMORT’S AWKWARD LAUGH, and then…Neville! He was supposed to kill Nagini with the Gryffindor sword right there and then, but I don’t know what Yates was doing. Would’ve saved a whole lot more of film space (that could potentially be used to retell Dumbledore’s story but instead it’s being used to show more lovey dovey scenes between Ron and Hermione and I don’t really hate them but seriously though is it really necessary?)

(No.)

Harry jumped up suddenly, very much alive and I have to admit (I have admitted a lot of things in this post) that the Voldemort-Harry battle scene wasn’t as brilliant as I had imagined it when I was reading the book. Not enough smarty lines from Harry’s part and there wasn’t any audience, so it was pretty much a lonely battle.

(Oh yeah, and the Elder Wand part has got me really confused because according to the book, Harry’s wand a.k.a. Draco’s old wand already was the Elder Wand so I don’t understand how Voldemort’s wand could be flying towards Harry because Voldemort never possessed the Elder Wand in the first place but I guess it was David Yates’s name who was written under the title ‘Director’ in the credits, not me, so I shall keep quiet now.)

Voldemort then died in a very strange way. Disintegration just doesn’t seem fit for a Dark Lord…but never mind. Although I have to say the aftermath of Voldemort’s death wasn’t as huge as I had expected. I’d expected merrier celebrations and people cheering everywhere but I guess with all the deaths…

Ahem, anyway, Harry broke the Elder Wand, much to Ron and Hermione’s horror, but what bothered me was the lack of explanation of all the Deathly Hallows. What happened to the Resurrection Stone and the Invisibility Cloak? It is called Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows after all, not Harry Potter and the Awkward Kisses (subtitled: Lord Voldemort and his Awkward Laugh). But I guess I am just whining incessantly.

“Thank God she finally realises!”

Nineteen years later, we saw old versions of our loveable Old Harry Potter Committee with their children. Draco and Astoria Greengrass with their son Scorpius, Harry and Ginny’s James, Lily and Albus, and Ron and Hermione’s Rose and Hugo. And then it was deja vu all over again with the red Hogwarts Express and waving goodbye and the camera is zoomed into Harry’s made-up moustached and wrinkled face before the screen turned black and the movie ended.

I came out of the cinema, quite unsure about my feelings toward the movie, but it was quite disappointing, despite all I’ve done to prevent any hindrances from getting in the way of procuring my ‘element of surprise’ but I guess there wasn’t really the wow factor. But nevertheless, it wasn’t a bad movie overall, because there were the really awesome scenes that made me want to rename the whole movie as The Neville Longbottom Show or The Minerva McGonagall Show or The Alan-Rickman-Sweeps-All-the-Awards Show.

So, there you go. My Serious Deathly Hallows Review. Well, as serious as it gets, anyway.

PS. “NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!”

PS. #2 The Molly-Weasley-Is-A-BAMF Show.

Michelle’s Review on HP DH Part II

  • Wow Warner Brothers logo wow this is awesome wow
  • SNAPE
  • Gloomy Hogwarts
  • HARRY, RON AND HERMIONE
  • Bill and Fleur
  • HARRY, RON AND HERMIONE
  • Goblin
  • …what are they talking about
  • *zones out*
  • Harry, Ron and Hermione are still talking to the goblin
  • Spooky goblin face
  • Goblin
  • Old man
  • Very, very old man
  • Something about the Deathly Hallows
  • …still talking
  • …still talking
  • FINALLY LEAVING
  • Ooh suspense music
  • HERMIONE IS BELLATRIX
  • Hermione!Bellatrix has great hair
  • “Good morning.” “Good morning?! You’re Bellatrix Lestrange, not some dewy-eyed schoolgirl!”
  • Deduction: Psycho!Bellatrix > Hermione!Bellatrix
  • Hermione!Bellatrix trips in heels hahahahahahahaha
  • More goblins
  • Oh no oh no oh no they know
  • IMPERIO
  • Oh thank God
  • Ooh coach ride that would be awesome in 3D
  • *drop*
  • Hermione!Bellatrix is Hermione again
  • …in a very revealing costume *cough*
  • Bellatrix’s vault is opened
  • Ron touches something
  • EXPLODE
  • SUSPENSE MUSIC OH GOD WHAT IS THIS RUN HARRY RUN
  • HAAAAAARRRRRRYYYYYYYY 😦
  • Dramatic pause
  • HAAAAAARRRRRRYYYYYYYY 😀
  • RUN HARRY RUN
  • RUN RON RUN
  • RUN HERMIONE RUN
  • Goblin: “I never said anything about getting you out.”
  • Dragon
  • Bad dragon
  • …who turned out to save the day…or just three of them
  • SHIRTLESS DANRAD AND RUPERT
  • Harry: “We must go back to Hogwarts! We must we must we must!”
  • Almost got killed as soon as they reached Hogwarts
  • Saved by Holy-Cow-that-looks-like-Dumbledore!-look-alike
  • Harry: “We must get into Hogwarts! We must we must we must!”
  • Magicked painting and here comes…
  • GODLY HUMAN BEING IN THE SHAPE OF NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM
  • Neville: “SURPRISE!”
  • Everyone: “ZOMGWTFBBQ IT’S HARRI POTTAHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!”
  • Harry: “I need to find something.”
  • Seamus: “What is it?”
  • Harry: “I don’t know.”
  • Dean: “Where is it?”
  • Harry: “I don’t know.”
  • SUDDEN SCHOOL ASSEMBLY
  • WILD SNAPE APPEARS
  • Snape: “WHERE IS HARRI POTTAH?”
  • WILD HARRY APPEARS
  • WILD MINERVA MCGONAGALL APPEARS
  • INTENSE FIGHT !!!
  • FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
  • MINERVA MCGONAGALL THAT BAMF
  • CHAOS IN HOGWARTS
  • Harry finds a ghost
  • Ron and Hermione go for a secret date in the Chamber of Secrets
  • Hermione kills a Horcrux
  • Then
  • AWKWARD KISS
  • WILD VOLDEMORT APPEARS WITH 34278932759384759347624869348939432 PEOPLE IN HIS ARMY
  • CLOSE UP SCENE OF VOLDEMORT’S FACE
  • VOLDEMORT
  • VOLDEMORT
  • VOLDEMORT
  • ATTACK !!!
  • Harry and ghost still digging for a sob story
  • Harry finds out where the diadem is !!!
  • Harry runs !!!
  • Harry finds the diadem !!!
  • MALFOY
  • MALFOY
  • MALFOY
  • (Just thought that Malfoy deserved three bulletpoints to himself for no apparent reason)
  • Ron and Hermione finds Harry
  • “THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU NUMPTIES!”
  • FIRE
  • RUN !!!
  • HARRY RESCUES MALFOY AND GOYLE
  • (AWWWW)
  • Harry: “The last horcrux is the snake!”
  • “Oh Voldemort, where art thou?”
  • RANDOM HARRY/GINNY KISS (Because it really was that random)
  • Snape and Voldy!
  • “I must kill you, Severus.”
  •  DON’T CRY
  • *stabs*
  • DON’T FREAKING CRY
  • “Nagini, kill him.”
  • *muffled noises of Snape struggling*
  • CRY
  • “Take my tears.”
  • CRY EVEN MORE
  • Fred, Tonks and Remus’s dead bodies
  • CRY A WHOLE RIVER
  • Harry watches Snape’s memories
  • CRY THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH
  • “I must die.”
  • Lonely walk to the forest
  • Lily, James, Sirius and Remus resurrected
  • “You’ll stay with me?”
  • “Always.”
  • SUSPENSE
  • Voldy: “I thought he would have come…”
  • DRAMTIC PAUSE
  • Harry: “TA-DA!”
  • DRAMATIC PAUSE AGAIN
  • “Harry Potter, the boy who lived…come to DIE.”
  • DRAMATIC PAUSE FOR ABOUT 3.6 MINUTES
  • “AVADA KEDAVRA!”
  • AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  • Ooh, wild cute Danrad appears
  • Naked, bloody Voldemort
  • Dumbledore! 😀 😀 😀
  • *insert philosophical paragraphs here*
  • SUSPENSE MUSIC
  • VOLDEMORT
  • “Is he dead?”
  • Narcissa: “Yes.”
  • Voldy and the gang march to Hogwarts
  • “Harry Potter is dead!”
  • VOLDY’S AWKWARD LAUGH
  • VOLDY AND DRACO AWKWARD HUG
  • NEVILLE
  • SWORD
  • SNAKE
  • HARRY– ALIVE!
  • 😀 for everyone
  • 😦 for Voldy
  • FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
  • “NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!”
  • WIZARD. LIGHTNING. BATTLE.
  • SNAKE
  • NEVILLE
  • SWORD
  • STRIKE!
  • HEARTBROKEN VOLDY </////3 😥
  • VOLDY’S WAND CHEATS ON HIM FOR HARRY
  • VOLDY DIES IN A VERY STRANGE AND WEIRD WAY
  • HARRY POTTER WINS !!!
  • CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!
  • HUGS AND KISSES (XOXO)
  • Harry, Ron and Hermione take a stroll
  • Harry breaks the Elder Wand
  • Ron & Hermione: *le gasp*
  • Harry: “U mad?”
  • NINETEEN YEARS LATER
  • DEJA VU
  • Old Harry Potter
  • Old Ginny Weasley
  • Three Harry/Ginny look-alikes
  • Old Draco Malfoy and his on-screen wife/off-screen girlfriend
  • Old Hermione Granger
  • Old Ron Weasley
  • Albus Severus Potter (Why couldn’t they just have called him Albus Potter, it’s such a mouthful)
  • Fatherly advice from father to son
  • Old Harry Potter Committee wave goodbye to their kids
  • THE END

(Wow, Michelle, you’re hilarious. And okay, fine, fine, serious review coming up next.)

ϟ

I don’t know about anyone else, but every single post from now on shall be dedicated to the upcoming release of the Deathly Hallows movie. It’s not much hype where I live, but it’s like a festive countdown on Tumblr, and the excitement has certainly gotten to me, which makes me very happy indeed. If midnight screening actually exists in Alor Setar, of course I would’ve camped the whole night in front of the cinema willingly, don’t ask stupid questions. Although I really must warn anyone who is watching the movie with me to tolerate my tears, shrieks and euphoria because I think I will be a mess. It’s Harry freaking Potter, for Merlin’s sake, I cried watching the trailer I’m going to bawl watching the movie.

THREE MORE DAYS