A Letter To My Future Self

Dear 30-year-old Michelle,

Hopefully you’re not dead. Hopefully the apocalypse did not happen (or has not happened yet) and that you are safe and well. Sorry for starting off this letter on such a morbid note. As the older version of my current 15-going-on-16 self, you would know of my paranoia and understand how those notions managed to pop into my head when writing a letter into the future.

How are you? What are you doing in life now? Gosh, this scares me a little, to think that wittle me will eventually step out into the world as an adult and actually get a job! That is, unless you are currently jobless, which is something even more fearful. Which path did you choose: medicine or journalism? Hopefully you made the right choice, and not the wrong one which (probably) landed you in your (probable) jobless position. If you are wondering (or in case you have forgotten, your memory meddled by the modernisms of growing up and stepping into a highly-advanced society), I am still torn between these two fields. Should I go for the medicinal or journalism field? As of right now, I am talking up pure sciences, which means I am embarking on a journey to pursue medicine. But I don’t know. I’ve always thought, ever since I was a little kid, that I would grow up to be a writer, because ultimately, that’s what I love more than anything else in the world. But I know writing books for a living isn’t a steady job, albeit a more relaxed and entertaining one. That is why I took my parents advice to pursue medicine. That, and also because I reckon that’s what everyone expects of me.

Work aside, do you have a family now? You remember when you were my age and you used to say that you don’t want to marry and want to live in a cottage in the outskirts of London with 20 dogs? Do you still think like that? I don’t think so. At least, that’s what Mum assured me, that when I grow up, I would want a family, and also loads of children. If you do have a family, do you think it was the right choice? Is the man you married someone you truly and genuinely love?  (This sounds so corny but I suppose, as and adult, you wouldn’t find it that way.)

Are you still in Malaysia? Perhaps you’re in England or Australia now. Or by some miraculous and fortunate chance, in Russia. How’s Mum and Dad? Hopefully you brought them together with you. If you didn’t, I demand you bring them along. Now. I know this sounds really hypocritical of me, but despite how many times I told myself and Mum and Dad that I would never, ever abandon them, I can actually see myself doing just that in the future, and that makes me really sad and angry towards myself. So if you really did abandon them, well, this is your hormonal and temperamental 16-year-old self telling you to Go. And. Reunite. With. Them. However, if you still have a purely good conscience, and you are living with Mum and Dad, I applaud you. That makes me feel very relieved and glad that I did not turn out to be a monster.

Do you have many friends? Are you still in contact with your old friends? Are you still the socially awkward penguin you were as a teenager (which is me right now)? I hope not. Hopefully your social life is that of a character’s in How I Met Your Mother. I wouldn’t worry at all then. In fact, I would be so envious that you have such a great social life. However, if you’re still a lonely hermit… Well, shame on you.

Do you have any pets right now? Currently, Heart and Golden are the ones still present. Hopefully you get a cat this time. They seem lovely. As least, some of them do.

Lastly and most importantly, are you happy? Because that’s what I wish for you more than anything else in the world. It doesn’t matter that you’re jobless, a spinster, stuck in a shack in a kampong area, friendless or petless if you’re happy. Because that’s what matters in life right? The ultimate goal in life? To seek happiness and feel infinite? Ah, I wish my/your life boils down to that.

Today is the 14th of May in year 2011, and the teenage Michelle is currently in her room procrastinating on her History revision for  her midyear test, which is tomorrow. She is quite hungry and thirsty but is too lazy to go downstairs to fill her stomach and quench her thirst. She also needs to pee but like I said, is too lazy to do so. She wants me to tell you that on this day, despite the many roller coaster rides she’s have had in her life, she is more or less in a good mood and contented with her life, and she wishes you the same.

Now go create history or something awesome like that.

Love,
Yourself.