all my life/there you go

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I listen to the same song, the song that transports me back to three months ago (was it really just three months? Felt like three years) to the road trip and the endless fun I had throughout the entire week. And yet, I am not there. I am listening to the same song, but I am stuck in a crowded bus observing the terrible haze from its windows, feeling the bore and chore of routine weighing me down, wondering if we could ever recreate the magic we had last year.

Do you believe in “first moment’s the most magical”? Because I do. I believe the best moments are the ones where you walk into them unpredictably without prior planning, but once you set down your heart to plan something out, it’s never as good as the first time. I think it’s a matter of expectations. I walk into the second attempt expecting it to be as spectacular as the first, and I think hence I get disappointed easily.

I don’t know what it is about this year that’s made me afraid to step out of my comfort zone again. Heck, the entire last year was wholly days and weeks and months of taking the risk and feeling good about them. I need to constantly remind myself that I’m still the same person as last year, still the same person who travelled solo in London for a day and went parasailing without a second thought. I just need to bring her out from her hiding place again.

And lastly, I miss so many things, so many people. I miss what was, and I miss home.

The song is Rawnald Gregory Erickson The Second by STRFKR.

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Author: Michelle Teoh

23-year-old cynical Asian, book enthusiast and purveyor of fine sarcasm.

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