Birthday – michelle teoh

thirty 25 – june: turning thirty

in the grand scheme of life, turning one year older is such an abysmally trivial event. turning thirty is maybe less so, but still often signifies nothing more than an orbital completion around the sun. the older you get, the more you get fed this “bitter pill” – but it is absolutely one of the propaganda that i am not falling for.

i have always been a strong proponent of taking charge of your own birthdays. silently hoping for a surprise birthday party is no longer cool. lamenting at the lack of festivity on one’s birthday without making any plans is out of season. so for my 30th birthday this year, i wanted to plan something special.

the germination of my 30BD plan in Singapore was actually inspired by a conversation i had with Bellyn, which i’d described in my thirty 25: january post, involving a hypothetical party attended by friends and friends of friends. this was how the budding idea started forming in my head: what if i invited all my friends in Singapore to a party at my house, despite most of them not knowing each other, and see how that plays out? it was a win-win in my eyes – i get to have all my friends in the same space at the same time, and my friends can also expand their connections (if they so wish) by meeting my other friends.

this idea almost did not come to fruition had i not bounced it between Sean and Chia Hoong one Saturday night over mochi waffles, because i had initial worries such as: what if it turns out to be extremely awkward? what if no one has fun? can i even plan any fun activities as a party host? but Sean and Chia Hoong were nothing but supportive. and then i bounced the idea among other friends, who were equally encouraging. then i sent out some feeler invitations, which were mostly responded to in the affirmative. days passed and then weeks and then it was the Friday night of my 30th birthday party, attended by 17 of some of my closest friends in Singapore.

and it was so bizarrely surreal! to see my A-level friends meet my uni friends meet my internet friends meet my work friends meet my cousins. people i knew from different phases of my life coming together just because i asked them to, to celebrate my natural aging process. i was and am so incredibly grateful for the social circle and support system i have built over the past 1.5 years in this foreign country, and Singapore felt the homeliest to me that night.

the next afternoon i boarded a flight back to Penang, after which i spent a week at home with my parents, including my actual birthday itself. quite the antithesis of my 30BD SG Ver., PEN Ver. was significantly more relaxed and laidback, which saw me living the expat life swimming at the condo pool every morning then going to the beach in the evening, feasting on decadent local food in between.

at the end of the month, i treated myself to a staycation in KL (30BD KL Ver., if you will), returning to my roots (lol) by staying at Arte Mont Kiara for a week so that i could have my whole living space to myself, and meeting all my friends in KL whom i had not seen for the past four to six months.

as far as birthday months go, my 30th has definitely been the one when i felt happiest, healthiest, most confident and contented with myself. which aptly puts to rest any and all external influences which attempt to convince me that “things only go downhill from here”. as far as i am concerned, i spent my 20s in the trenches, and i’m starting my 30s with the wisdom and experiences i gained throughout my 20s. it’s definitely still going to be an ongoing learning process, but at least i am equipped with more tools and apparatuses at this stage of life to get me through the upcoming new phase of my life.

14 years ago in 2011, i wrote a letter to my 30-year-old self on this blog – A Letter to My Future Self. 14 years later, it is now time to respond to it.

Dear 30-year-old Michelle,

Hopefully you’re not dead. Hopefully the apocalypse did not happen (or has not happened yet) and that you are safe and well. Sorry for starting off this letter on such a morbid note. As the older version of my current 15-going-on-16 self, you would know of my paranoia and understand how those notions managed to pop into my head when writing a letter into the future.

we are off to a good start. but i know where this is coming from. 16-year-old me was chronically online after having discovered the internet for the first time, and was unfortunately inundated with all sorts of worldly theories, including the whole 2012 apocalypse conspiracy. what’s ironic though is how much worse the state of the world currently is in 2025. but shhh it’s okay, younger Michelle does not need to know.

How are you? What are you doing in life now? Gosh, this scares me a little, to think that wittle me will eventually step out into the world as an adult and actually get a job! That is, unless you are currently jobless, which is something even more fearful. Which path did you choose: medicine or journalism? Hopefully you made the right choice, and not the wrong one which (probably) landed you in your (probable) jobless position. If you are wondering (or in case you have forgotten, your memory meddled by the modernisms of growing up and stepping into a highly-advanced society), I am still torn between these two fields. Should I go for the medicinal or journalism field? As of right now, I am talking up pure sciences, which means I am embarking on a journey to pursue medicine. But I don’t know. I’ve always thought, ever since I was a little kid, that I would grow up to be a writer, because ultimately, that’s what I love more than anything else in the world. But I know writing books for a living isn’t a steady job, albeit a more relaxed and entertaining one. That is why I took my parents advice to pursue medicine. That, and also because I reckon that’s what everyone expects of me.

oh my sweet summer child. my sweet, sweet summer child. how bright-eyed and optimistic you were, but who can blame you? the funny thing is i am doing neither of those things now, having ultimately chosen a career in law, but the curiosity and “what if”s of choosing what i was and still am interested in and passionate about i.e. journalism and writing, never left. Michelle, i think you’ll be glad to know that you are not jobless, but i am very sorry we never got to explore what we truly love, precisely due to what everyone expects of us. but if it is any consolation, we are not in an entirely bad place now; we still write a lot, and when we don’t write for work, we (try to) write leisurely here. you were definitely a lot more diligent than i am at that, but i am trying to ease back into writing for myself, which has ironically gotten harder for me now compared to when i was your age.

Work aside, do you have a family now? You remember when you were my age and you used to say that you don’t want to marry and want to live in a cottage in the outskirts of London with 20 dogs? Do you still think like that? I don’t think so. At least, that’s what Mum assured me, that when I grow up, I would want a family, and also loads of children. If you do have a family, do you think it was the right choice? Is the man you married someone you truly and genuinely love?  (This sounds so corny but I suppose, as and adult, you wouldn’t find it that way.)

hahahaha some things really do never change. a core memory of my teenage years was me telling my mom that i did not want to get married or have kids in the future, which obviously resulted in a lengthy lecture from my mom about not knowing any better. and maybe i really did not know any better, but my reluctance towards succumbing to the expectations of being a part of a nuclear family unit and having children still persists, perhaps for more reasons in addition to what i used to have (i.e. fear of childbirth, lack of penchant for children etc). ironically, i still wouldn’t mind living in a cottage in the outskirts of London with 20 dogs! so again, i’m very sorry Michelle but unfortunately i don’t have an interesting 30-year-old update for you in this department as i have yet to find someone i genuinely love, nor married nor built a life with them. but what i am happy to announce is that you will eventually realise (or maybe you already did realise back then) that romantic love need not be the core of one’s existence. it took us a while to eventually truly believe that, but when we did, it opened up our eyes to multifarious aspects of life that mattered as much as, if not more than, the romantic love we used to crave so much – family, friends, hobbies, self-discovery and inner peace.

Are you still in Malaysia? Perhaps you’re in England or Australia now. Or by some miraculous and fortunate chance, in Russia. How’s Mum and Dad? Hopefully you brought them together with you. If you didn’t, I demand you bring them along. Now. I know this sounds really hypocritical of me, but despite how many times I told myself and Mum and Dad that I would never, ever abandon them, I can actually see myself doing just that in the future, and that makes me really sad and angry towards myself. So if you really did abandon them, well, this is your hormonal and temperamental 16-year-old self telling you to Go. And. Reunite. With. Them. However, if you still have a purely good conscience, and you are living with Mum and Dad, I applaud you. That makes me feel very relieved and glad that I did not turn out to be a monster.

neither of those places, babes. we are in Singapore. which, to be honest, i don’t know if you would have liked back then? but don’t worry we’re not at all in a bad place now, if a little uncertain and fluctuant at times. we no longer live with mom and dad and have not for the past 12 years, which has admittedly culminated in various conflicting emotions within ourselves as an adult. on one hand, the freedom and liberation that comes with living on our own hyper-independently for almost half of our life is unparalleled and absolutely irreversible, on the other there is the nagging worry and anxiety of perpetually living away from our parents, who are only getting older. you did not abandon them, and often still visit home whenever schedules permit, but it is definitely a different experience from continuing to live with mom and dad beyond our teenage years. unfortunately, the worry and anxiety are not alleviated with time, but we are doing our best within our capability as a daughter who values her freedom in life.

Do you have many friends? Are you still in contact with your old friends? Are you still the socially awkward penguin you were as a teenager (which is me right now)? I hope not. Hopefully your social life is that of a character’s in How I Met Your Mother. I wouldn’t worry at all then. In fact, I would be so envious that you have such a great social life. However, if you’re still a lonely hermit… Well, shame on you.

remember the days when all you ever compared anything to was popular sitcoms at the time? i don’t necessarily know about HIMYM, but girl am i thrilled to inform you that you did manage to grow out of your socially awkward penguin days! we’re no natural extrovert and it took a lot of effort, failures and miserable years for us to become the relatively sociable person that we are today, but i think you will be happy to know that we are closer to the ideal version of ourselves that you’ve always wanted to be, more than ever. in fact, i wrote about you multiple times when looking back on how much i had grown in terms of self-esteem and confidence, even giving you a nickname of “That Girl”; that is to say, you and i, we are very different to warrant the distinction of a separate, historic entity, but i have never denied your existence nor the best that you could do and be at the time given your limited time, resources and experiences. i don’t think there is even anything i say now that could have changed the trajectory of your own growth – you needed to go through the things you did and lived the lives you lived to arrive at this current point in life, older, stronger, wiser. to quote a popular meme format, you walked so i could run. i just wished you could have been comforted by the future you will have when you were still 16, to spare you the anxious and panicked thoughts you had about everything, but especially about yourself and the life you wanted to live.

Do you have any pets right now? Currently, Heart and Golden are the ones still present. Hopefully you get a cat this time. They seem lovely. As least, some of them do.

no pets because we’ve been renting for eternity since moving out of home, but the plan has always still been to get a pet the moment we settle down somewhere for good, so i still gotchu Michelle. unfortunately, Golden passed 2 years after you wrote your letter, and Heart went missing in 2017. however, in the same year, we adopted Boy Boy who was found by the road, and he has been living with mom and dad ever since. he also has three legs, but don’t worry he is still lively as can be.

Lastly and most importantly, are you happy? Because that’s what I wish for you more than anything else in the world. It doesn’t matter that you’re jobless, a spinster, stuck in a shack in a kampong area, friendless or petless if you’re happy. Because that’s what matters in life right? The ultimate goal in life? To seek happiness and feel infinite? Ah, I wish my/your life boils down to that.

Today is the 14th of May in year 2011, and the teenage Michelle is currently in her room procrastinating on her History revision for her midyear test, which is tomorrow. She is quite hungry and thirsty but is too lazy to go downstairs to fill her stomach and quench her thirst. She also needs to pee but like I said, is too lazy to do so. She wants me to tell you that on this day, despite the many roller coaster rides she’s have had in her life, she is more or less in a good mood and contented with her life, and she wishes you the same.

Now go create history or something awesome like that.

Love,
Yourself.

what is it with us and blogging while possessing a strong urge to pee? i too need to pee but told myself i would only go after finishing this post.

anyway, we’re definitely not creating any history worth printing in textbooks that’s for sure, but i am happy with my life right now. i just turned 30 which, i believe when you wrote your letter, probably felt incredibly old to you but it really isn’t. i’ll even let you in on a secret – sometimes i still feel like a child, someone as young as you. i have obviously grown from the person you were, but there are times when i feel like i could still be the same Michelle who just arrived in Singapore, who just got called to the bar, who just graduated with a law degree in Manchester, who just finished her A-levels, who just completed her SPM and who just procrastinated on her History revision for her midyear test, which is tomorrow.

so today on the 9th of July in year 2025, adult Michelle has a slight headache from looking at screens too much today, is thinking about what time she has to wake up for work tomorrow, and can’t wait to have phone time in bed in 10 minutes after this post is published. she wants me to tell you that on this day, despite the many, many roller coaster rides she’s had in her life, she is in a good mood and contented with her life, and she wishes you could have the peace and calmness that comes with knowing that everything will turn out okay in the end.

here’s to more wishes for our future selves.

love,
yourself

the year i turn 29

two days before my 29th birthday, i found out i had a 7cm fibroid in my uterus that required surgical removal.

the doctor delivered the diagnosis very matter-of-factly, to which i asked, in a state of heightened fear, “what does that mean?”

i learned that they were common (20% of women have it) and mostly benign, but with a fibroid of my size, it was better to have it removed.

this year spelt out a lot of health issues and medical matters for me, especially when i moved to Singapore. and my trip to KL this time, while largely was to spend my birthday here, was also partially to handle a bunch of medical-related stuff (e.g. health check-ups and vaccinations).

needless to say my hypochondriac ass had been pretty stressed out from all this for the past few months. but this year, i was determined not to let my anxiety ruin my birthday for me, which is why i am choosing instead to focus on the things i am immensely grateful for.

the day before my birthday, i found myself waking up at 6am to hike a hill in Port Dickson with the G3 gang. it was only upon arrival at our destination that i realised i had been here 2 years ago with my ex. but by the time we descended from our climb, my past memories associated with Tanjong Tuan and Bukit Batu Putih had already been overwritten by fresh memories of hiking with my friends of 11 years.

that same night, my same friends of 11 years indulged in my wish to visit bamboo hills for the first time despite how bourgeoise the place was. i always, always have fun with the gang, no matter how long we are apart.

on my birthday, i spent the morning doing a blood test, before going for a spin class at Club Aloha. Club Aloha felt so nostalgic to me the moment i arrived, having attended weekly classes there for almost half a year with Amber when i was still working in KL last year.

i spinned (span?) with Rumin and Wilson that day. it’s kind of funny how my core memories of spinning with Rumin are always associated with specific occasions; my birthday, Rumin’s birthday, and the day after my breakup. but i had the most amazing spin session i had in a long time that day and you might be wondering, amazing how? given that i spin regularly in Singapore anyway.

well, amazing because it reminded me of how different the classes in Singapore were compared to here. classes in Singapore often felt more serious, solemn and deadpan. very no-nonsense vibe. but my class at Club Aloha that day felt warm, familiar and inviting. just like how the whole of KL felt to me. and i never really realised the contrast until i was back.

we had my favourite ramen ever at Kanbe for lunch after that, after which Rumin lit a candle on a peach strudel at Kenny Hills and i fell into a food coma after.

three hours later i geared myself for more food again as i had dinner plans with Lionel, Yenny and Ee Kien, who surprised me with a cake at the end. and then the night ended with bingsu with Vic at Aftermeal while he relished my recounts of the ridiculous stories/experiences i had in Singapore.

a day after my birthday was a workday, but i had to get some vaccinations done in town so i bribed Wilson with a free meal in exchange for a temporary chauffeur now that i was car-less and had to make multiple stops within my lunch break.

so that afternoon saw me getting jabbed with Gardasil-9 on my left arm and Twinrix on my right while having my 3rd ever favourite food (bak kut teh being my 1st and Kanbe ramen being my 2nd) – mazesoba at Menya Hanabi.

the remote workday was punctured by my Irish boss (and a very reluctant Marco) singing a birthday song to me over a Teams meeting before we started talking about regulatory compliance policies. honestly it felt like the most bizarre thing to have happened in my job so far.

for dinner i met with uni friends i hadn’t met in ages (even though ironically we never failed to hang out almost every other week when we were in uni) and it reminded me of younger, carefree times (especially since this group of 30s is always trying to remind me i’m getting closer to their age bracket) but also made me feel the contrasting difference between our lives and priorities now compared to then.

the second day after my birthday was spent with my ex-colleagues and ex-bosses from the law firm i worked at previously, and it is always so nostalgic to return to Publika where i had spent three full years working at to see familiar faces welcome me back with so much warmth, even though i was no longer a colleague. there was no longer any obligation for these people to continue to want to see me, other than the affirming reason that these people now see me as their friend.

i had lunch with them and then worked, amazingly, from the office as if i had never left. it felt crazy. i felt grateful.

after work, i went spinning with Amber, getting Boost juice after and visiting Ales, once again just like old days, settling into the comfortable routine that i had a mere 6 months ago.

i met up with Rumin and Qiujing for dinner and desserts three days after my birthday, and i woke up on the fourth day after my birthday with covid.

it was an extremely conflicting situation to be in, being sick in someone else’s house, and then having to meet up with my parents and elderly relatives the day after for a 5-day 4-night short trip to Ipoh. but long story short, i masked up, kept my distance, spammed medication and recovered rather speedily without (touches wood) passing the virus on to anyone else. at the end of the trip, we had a mini all-in-one celebration for father’s day, mother’s day and my birthday.

i could not have asked for a warmer and more fulfilling start to the last year of my 20s. i know i basically strongarmed my friends to spend my birthday week with me in KL but i am grateful for everyone who has showed up and showered me with attention. it really made me believe in the magic that was my friends. thank you.

what is it like being twenty-six

a glimpse of michelle in her natural habitat

it’s been a really long time since i last surfaced on this website but let me tell you how much you have been missing – nothing, because since the last blogpost until this present one, i have predominantly spent most of my time in my rented room in KL looking like this ^

(that’s not entirely true because i did not have a PC up until January this year, but regardless it is still not too far away from the truth)

i turn 26 today. it’s pretty uneventful compared to how most birthday celebrations go, but with a second full lockdown in Malaysia due to Covid, i am thankful to even be healthy, employed and safe. the past 2 years have certainly been strange (to put it gently), to the point that i feel like i am perpetually coping with the strangeness that seems to have permeated every aspect of life. working everyday as usual, as if a ravaging virus hasn’t completely changed everyone’s lives forever. not being able to travel home to see my parents as often as i would’ve liked. social gatherings being a luxury rather than a daily activity that used to be the norm a mere few years ago. life still trudges on for everyone and we adapt to the “new norm” as it develops, but i also realise i’ve been distracting myself more than ever before. i’m sure it’s perfectly normal in light of recent circumstances, but the realisation does bring with it a slight discomfort.

which is why i make sure every little comfort counts. getting boba during a sleepy late afternoon weekday with Amber is a comfort. learning to play TFT every night with my friends is a comfort. receiving a care package from my parents is a comfort. watching Hell’s Kitchen with oli over Discord is a comfort. finishing a Chloe Ting workout video is a comfort. ordering Super Kitchen chilli pan mee for my birthday lunch is a comfort. whilst little, they all add up to remind me how blessed i am to still be able to derive joy and dopamine from the only comforts i can be afforded during these trying times.

so today, i take comfort in turning a year older while being surrounded by the love generously given by the ones i love, be it near or far away.

(and i also take comfort in re-learning to find my writing voice. again.)

23bd

This year really passed by too quickly. It scares me so much how quickly time flies by.

When in the midst of things and with a crowd of people around, it’s usually easier to just suppress emotions without any problem. Almost doesn’t feel like I’m leaving sometimes because the act of departing is not being carried out instantaneously.

But it’s getting harder and harder to feel comforted by the thought of going home and returning to my room where I would have to be alone and deal with the suppressed thoughts and feelings clamouring to be heard the moment I close the door and severe any communication with the external world. I’ve said too many permanent goodbyes within this week alone but it doesn’t get any better each time.

But this isn’t supposed to be a post about leaving. It’s a post about my gratitude for the people I have met and gotten to know here for the past three years, how they all turned up to celebrate my turning older by a year yesterday with an outdoor barbecue. It’s also a post about my gratitude for all my friends and family, in Manchester or not, who had remembered and sent me well wishes on my special day. It’s a post about my gratitude for being alive in this enigmatic but ultimately wondrous world for 23 whole years, and for being loved by so many.

Thank you everyone, I love all of you.

i don’t know about you but i’m feelin twenty two

If feeling twenty two means feeling half-dead and tired from sleep deprivation and residues of a hangover.

Everytime June rolls around, besides my turning older by a year, it also means the end of yet another academic year. My second year of uni is done. A time conundrum exists wherein my last paper felt like it happened ages ago yet it also didn’t feel like a lot of time has passed since stepping on Manchester soil in September last year to commence my second year.

That’s crazy! So this is what it feels like to be old. I’m too tired to have a lot of words right now, but my second year really has been something. And I have every single person in my life to thank for that.

Thank you, to all of you who have stuck around all this time, and are somehow still willing to stay with me throughout my journeys, now, and in the future.

twenny one

Photo on 6-9-16 at 6.49 PM

Every year since 2014 (which is not much of a track record since that’s only two years ago), I tell myself to upload a webcam selfie on my birthday as a blog tradition, because that is as real time a photo as one can get. And also because it gives me a reason to take and upload a selfie nbd

This year is my first year (too many firsts) celebrating my birthday in a different country. Despite that, just like every year, I spend it in the presence and company of a family.

Thank you so much to everyone who celebrated my birthday with me, who went through all the effort to make me feel happy and special today. Thank you for all the wishes from everyone despite the time differences and being in different countries (and even from people I’d only met for the first time through Skype). Thank you for spending your time and energy on me, and for allowing me to be a part of your lives. I am honestly so overwhelmed with the love and affection everyone has given me.

Thank you.

two oh

I turned twenty yesterday. Why are there hearts on my head

(Keeping the birthday webcam tradition going)

psychedelia

It’s my birthday today! Hence the pink bow on my head. I’m also trying to accustom myself to the look of having short hair?

It’s my first birthday away from home but it didn’t feel like I was away from home much. Not when you are showered with love and gratitude from the people you love and are grateful for. And this is precisely what this post is about. Thanking everyone in my life because where would I be without all of you? I appreciate every single thing everyone has done for me, in return, I will strive to be the best version of me for all of you, and also myself.

There are a lot of emotions I can’t put into words, so TL;DR, I love all of you. And I know love is subjective and fickle and frequently thrown around like a used toilet paper (to use Effie’s metaphor) but I truly am thankful for every single person that has crossed paths in my life. That also means you, reading this. Know that I thank the higher powers above for putting you into my life (although the feeling might not be mutual), for shaping me to be who I am today, and for helping me get this far in life.

Thank you.

(Also, please wish my mum happy birthday too because it is rightfully her BIRTHday and also she rocks)

It Flooded On My Birthday

Because let’s face it, it was probably the most interesting thing to happen before the event in itself had even started.

I sent out invitations to a couple of friends who were still in Alor Setar/back in Alor Setar to come to my house on the Sunday evening at 7PM but 15 minutes past 7, only my uncle had turned up so I began to get quite antsy if anyone would even turn up at all. Literally everything was already almost prepared, but no one had turned up yet. So I started to scroll through Twitter to…calm my nerves or something and saw that Khey Ken had tweeted that it was flooding outside his house and he couldn’t get out. Immediately after that, Ching Ju and Hui Ying called up to tell me that they couldn’t make it because of the flood as well.

I started to feel really dreadful, like of ALL the days it could rain and cause a flash flood, it happened on the night of my birthday. I was sad at first, but then I felt indignant. And then I laughed because it was the greatest story ever. It would be the greatest story I would ever tell. So I went with the next plotline in the story: my dad and I drove around the flooded neighbourhood to pick up my stranded friends from their houses; like a Flood Bus or something. A Flood Party Bus. It felt strangely exhilarating.

We picked up Ching Ju, Hui Ying and Khey Ken and by the time we reached my house, Yi Jing and Peter were already there. Jia Yuan and her sister came later, also braving the floods.

We had a barbecue (graced by the presence of self-anointed Masterchef Mr Teoh aka my dad) and pasta and salad and everyone was talking about everything and it had been so long since I last met up with so many of my old friends so it was pretty rowdy and I yelled my throat sore that night trying to talk to everyone really loudly. We had a cake and everything, and desserts and also Jaffa cakes courtesy of Peter. Needless to say, I was really, really full before the night had even ended. And then it was just a lot of talking and laughing until 11PM, when everyone realised how late it had already gotten. The Flood Party Bus dropped off those who had arrived the same way, and my birthday ended.

It was truly an amazing birthday; the floods somehow made it even funnier (when its nature shouldn’t have been) and the food was really good and the company even better. Reuniting with old friends was lovely, even if it’s just a short time before we leave for college. I’d like to thank everyone who made an effort to turn up and also to everyone for the lovely presents. But more importantly, many special thanks to both my parents, and also my uncle (whose birthday was also the same as mine) and his family for preparing and holding this huge party for me which surely had been pretty stressful. I am really, really thankful.

That night, I fell asleep listening to Dan and Phil’s radio show on BBC Radio 1.

And now for photos!

Khey Ken, Jia Ying (Sarah), Xin Thong, yours truly, Jia Yuan, Hui Ying, Ching Ju, Jia Wen, Yi Jing and Peter

Jaffa cakes spelling my deliberately incorrect name made by Peter

WATCH OUT, WE’VE GOT A LEGAL GIRL OUT AND ABOUT RIGHT NOW (loljk I still live on the Internet)

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Currently listening to:

This Is An Update!

Alright, well, remember that horrible, horrible headache I had which I described in my previous post? Well, it is good and gone! Now let me move on to something else nicer lest I jinx myself with further elaboration.

Today is the last day of the June holidays and coincidentally, it’s also my birthday! But before I continue on that, let me give you a recap of some of the interesting events that took place during the holidays.

Vern, Jia Ying, Jia Yuan, yours truly, Ying Hui and Jing Sheng. The rest went back earlier.

On Monday, 4th of June, we had a mini primary school gathering at TM Corner, and I say mini because only 10 out of 65 people turned up. Among the ten were Jia Yuan, Cheah En, Zhao Xian, Ying Hui, Vern, Jia Ying, Wei Xing, Jing Sheng, Hui Xiong and I. Despite that, it was still very nice as we caught up with each other over steamboat and teppanyaki. Later, everyone started to groan and gripe about being too full so someone suggested a jogging trip at Taman Jubli Perak the next morning and what was initially a joke turned serious and that’s what we did the next morning, although this time, the number of people that turned up was reduced by 50% and only five people turned up: Jia Yuan, Ying Hui, Zhao Xian, Cheah En and I.

On Wednesday, 6th of June, me and 30+ members of MYF including Jia Yuan and her younger sisters hiked the Penang Hill. We set off for Penang in a bus at 7am and reached the park where we would begin hiking at around 11am. It had begun to rain by the time we reached the park so everyone whipped out their raincoats and umbrellas but I only had a cap in hand so that was my only protection (from the rain, not anything else omg) for the hike.

The hike started pleasantly, although admittedly (and this is an embarrassing admission) I had a hard time keeping up with Jia Yuan and the rest because they were fast, I was weak and under-exercised, and the road was bumpy and tricky, so solve that equation by yourself. So about half an hour later (I think), I had to ask Jia Yuan to stop for a while to rest (initially I’d asked her when we were stopping to rest and she gave me a look saying no one was going to stop to rest dun dun dun) because I was starting to feel dizzy and inhaling was starting to feel painful. I looked around me and everyone was almost gone and we weren’t even close to the top of the hill and we were on a hill and that was when I started to have a panic attack. I sat down but vertigo still made my head spin and my hands and chest were starting to numb and it was the scariest moment of my life. I legitimately thought I was going to die right then and there. Like, my heart was going to stop and I’m going to die on a hill. I started blabbing subconsciously after that (Jia Yuan said she got worried because I was literally making no sense) and by this time, most of the other adults bringing up the rear stopped to access the situation.

Things weren’t improving even after quite some time and when I tried to stand up I collapsed almost immediately so the final plan was to…actually, I don’t quite know what the final plan was but it was settled that I wasn’t going to continue climbing up anymore. And then something happened. Uncle Joseph and Jia Yuan helped me to stand up really slowly, aided with his constant encouraging words and when I stood up on my two feet, the numbness actually vanished instantaneously. Just like that. I still don’t know what really happened, what caused the numbness to take over my nervous system and what chased it away, but I’m still too afraid to Google the symptoms yet so let’s just praise the lord that I was able to overcome that obstacle.

After that, we (by this time, “we” meant Uncle Ti Pheng, Uncle Joseph, Uncle Kenny, Angeline’s dad, Yi Hong, Jia Yuan -those wonderful, wonderful people who stayed behind to help me- and I) continued to climb up the hill at a really, really slow pace and I had to rest a couple of times because I was feeling pretty weak and then halfway through the hike I actually had a muscle cramp.

But despite all that, we managed to make it out of the hill! Woo yes celebration! But I cheated a little on the tar road by hitchhiking a stranger’s jeep all the way up the hill. Here, I want to take this chance to thank everyone who helped me during that tough time from the bottom of my heart. Honestly, I don’t think I would’ve ever made it out of the hill without the help from these people: Uncle Ti Pheng, Uncle Kenny, Uncle Joseph, Angeline’s dad, the pastor, Yi Hong and Jia Yuan. I’m sorry to have caused so much trouble and I cannot thank you enough for all the help you guys gave.

At the top of the hill, we cleaned up and then took the train down. Four hours of climbing up the hill, five minutes of descending it. The biggest irony of my life.

After reaching flat ground, we headed for Queensbay Mall, where we were given 2 and a half hours to shop and eat. Jia Yuan and I broke away from the group to shop for clothes and books. We each bought a shirt at Padini, and then had dinner at this lovely English-styled cafe called Winters Warmers (I think) and the food was brilliant, although that could just be our hunger. It was probably the loveliest meal I’ve had in months.

Soon, it was time to leave and I was dead beat with and the tendons in my legs were screaming but I managed to stay up throughout the whole trip back to Alor Setar, gossiping with Jia Yuan all the way. The moment I reached home, the first thing I did was check the Internet (did you honestly think I was going to say I went to sleep immediately? No, that is not the kind of life I lead, sadly) and then only went to sleep, completely conked out.

So that was how I spent my holidays. Seriously, those were the only productive days during which I actually got up to do something. Other than that, my universe was just the bed, my phone, my laptop and the TV.

Moving on to the birthday mood, this year, I decided to do nothing, which really isn’t such a huge decision, let’s be real. But my parents initially wanted to hold a celebration for me which I finally rejected because I just wasn’t up for it. I don’t know, I just think…birthdays aren’t such big deals you know? (Says the kid who cried when no one entertained her during her birthday last year oh whoops!) But yeah. I’m already happy enough that people take time out of their schedules to properly wish me a happy birthday, some even accompanied with lovely essays about my brilliance and awesomeness (which is actually non-existent, I assure you). So, thank you everyone for the wishes!

Did I mention that I got a pair of aviators for my birthday from my dad?

And no, I totally wasn’t trying to channel Harry Styles that idiot from One Direction, what are you on about.

See, Aifa, I told you this post would veer off into the direction of…One Direction.

Besides that, my parents also got me several books as early birthday presents: Insurgent by Veronica Roth, To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, Paper Towns by John Green, Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer and A Feast For Crows by none other than the brilliant George R.R. Martin of the A Song of Ice and Fire series.

Oh and before I leave, let me leave you with an incredible gem that came in my email inbox last week, which in itself is probably the greatest birthday present I’ve received this year.

The Best Surprise Ever

I know, I know, it’s only the fifth of June, still four more days left to my birthday. Well, guess what? That’s exactly what I thought too.

So that day, I came back from school, so utterly tired and grumpy because of the fact that I still had to go to school on a public holiday and made plans to stay at home to Tumble all day. But no, Dad wouldn’t have that. He said we were having lunch outside, and as much as I hated to get my butt off the chair. We had lunch at Wah Tua Guan, which was actually a first, since we avoided expensive meals at all costs, but I wasn’t bothered.

Later, Dad brought us to Aunty Josephine’s shop because I thought I heard Mum say a few days ago that she needed to pass some things over to her. I refused to come down from the car at first but Mum forced me so I had no choice.

Incredulous, really, when my Mum told Aunty that “she hadn’t snapped pictures of her shop for so long already” and I was like, what? Why the hell did you bring your Nikon in, Mum? But then Aunty Josephine insisted on pulling me along to “see her new massage room” and I was like, “Er, okay” so I followed her and

WHAM.

So like, everyone started to yell “Happy birthday!” and stuff and I was just like, OH MY GODDDDD. And then I realised there were so many people there! Jia Yuan was the first one I saw, then my friends who I haven’t met for eternity, Yi Jing, Jou Wen, Chia Shin, Sin Shiun, Zhao Xian, (Angeline came a little later), Wei Xing, Vincent, Ooi Zhen and Lian Kai. I didn’t even know what was really happening until I saw cake and food and balloons and then I started to laugh and cry at the same time. Next thing I knew, Wei Xing passed me his phone and everyone was wishing me happy birthday at the same time.

And then, oh, they’re throwing me an early birthday bash.

Apparently, it’s because Yuan had to go to SUKMA for the next week and she had held this party just for me. :3

Everything went smoothly and amazingly, better than anything I’ve ever expected. Well, mainly because I hadn’t expected anything. Can you believe it? All the clues were lay out for me, so obviously, and I missed it. Dad forcing me to get out of the house, the basket with ‘happy birthday’ serviettes at the backseat of the car, Mum forcing me out of the car, and even that time when Boo Chian told me he couldn’t come to my birthday party through MSN once. I guess I had suspected something, just not today.

There weren’t many things we did later afterwards, apart from catching up with each other’s lives, opening presents, playing musical chairs and eating. The boys played poker so we left them be.

We left at around 6, feeling exhilarated and extremely high. It was the best surprise party I could ever have.

And it isn’t even the 9th of June yet!