Many of you might know that just last night/this morning (I honestly still do not know which term is the more accurate one) I woke up at 3.30 AM just to watch the Olympics Closing Ceremony and let me tell you why I am and have been making such a huge fuss over this.
Number one, One Direction and Ed Sheeran was performing at the Olympics Closing Ceremony. That is a good enough bulletpoint for Reason #1 the end.
Number two, this is a totally and absolutely new thing for me. And I don’t mean that watching the Olympics Closing Ceremony is a new thing for me; getting up at three-thirty in the morning to do so alone is. I have never done anything like this before. I have never even stayed up past 3 AM before (except that one time I read The Hunger Games until 5 AM and then proceeded to cry when I found out what time it was which probably doesn’t count because after that I slept until noon). So this was all very new to me. Like a new adventure. Kind of like rebellion but not really because I wasn’t rebelling against my parents because they were okay with it but maybe rebellion against my dull, routine-centred life and it was all very exciting to me.
So the previous night, I went to sleep at 9 PM and that was a pretty restless night. I woke up twice, once at 1.40 AM and once at 2.20 AM, always checking my alarm to see what time it was. I even dreamed about watching the Olympics Closing Ceremony at Mei’s non-existent (yet) apartment. Is it obvious that I was excited no it totally isn’t is it
And then when my alarm rang I dashed out of the room so fast you would never catch me waking up so energetic on a school day (or any other normal day during which you wake me up at 3.30 AM, to be honest). I brushed my teeth, woke up Beneh and Laiyy and started livetweeting the Olympics Closing Ceremony.
In retrospect, I think my excitement was more 70% excitement due to rebellion and 30% excitement due to the Ceremony (aka I’m only watching for One Direction and Ed Sheeran).
Later on, I found out the Youtube live streaming was actually much slower than the live show so I went downstairs alone in the dark and watched the live broadcast on TV2 instead. I didn’t want to at first because I was scared but you should know the power One Direction has over my current life right now which is not a very healthy element of my existence.
And so I spent the next three hours watching the whole thing while livetweeting with Beneh, Laiyy, Wahed, Thira etc (albeit incomplete livetweeting because I HIT TWEET LIMIT HALFWAY THROUGH THE SHOW) and whatsapping with Mei and Sakina. Other highlights of the Ceremony included half of Oasis namely Liam Gallagher singing Wonderwall, a Spice Girls reunion and virtual appearances by John Lennon of The Beatles and Freddie Mercury of Queen.
By 6.30 AM, I decided to switch off the TV even though the Ceremony had yet to end because I had to prepare for school. And school today was just a whole day of gossiping with Beneh and Laiyy about the Closing Ceremony. How awesome.
So is this the turning point of my life where I actually get to lead a real teenage life now? I’ve been giddy with residues of excitement over both my staying up and the Ceremony for the whole day that I actually felt more energetic in school today than any other day during which I practice a normal sleep routine. It’s like a hangover but a nice hangover because I’m not actually throwing up or anything but memories of last night/this morning would always seem ethereal whenever I revisit them.
And yes, I’m just going to straight out admit that I only watched the Ceremony for the acts (two particular acts, to be frank) but I’ve never been interested in sports nor the Olympics so I’m not going to just jump on the hype bandwagon just because it’s Olympic season (except during the Lee Chong Wei vs Lin Dan match because it had something to do with Malaysia so it more or less also had something to do with me). Some people truly do watch the Ceremony to celebrate the ending of three weeks of sports unity, but sadly I’m not one of those people nor am I going to pretend to be one. I, however, am a fan of British performers and entertainers and I’ll do what I can to catch a glimpse of them, even if it requires me to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to witness their two minutes of screentime.
I live by the motto that it doesn’t matter if it’s a good idea or not if it makes a good story. So one day I’ll be telling my kids about that time I woke up in the middle of the night just to watch the boyband I was hopelessly devoted to on my television.
This post is a week late but I’m still going to blog about it anyway because it was one of the best nights of my life.
Last Tuesday, Etiqah invited the whole of 5 Negeri and a few others from other classes (a total of 30 students) to her house (aka our school’s headmistress’ house) for a buka puasa event.
So by 6pm, everyone gathered at the school porch and we set off for Et’s house in a bus.
Et’s house was at Jitra, so it was a half hour’s journey ride until we reached her enormous house. And then things got wild.
(Well, not in a bad way.)
Mastura, yours truly and Beneh
While waiting to buka puasa, we explored the house, played with Et’s kittens, took loads of photographs, goofed around, talked really loudly and basically treated the house as our own. It was great because everyone knew everyone and for once, all of us were in an environment in which we weren’t obligated to jot down notes, complete exercises and study. It was a moment of zero stress. It was a moment of fun.
And then it was 7.38pm and it was time to break fast!
There was rice, chicken curry, beef, prawns, chicken sticks and kuih, prepared by our very own headmistress, if I’m not mistaken.
Food…yumYours truly, Beneh, Laiyy and Huda the catYours truly and LaiyyBeing bullied by Laiyy, Wahed and MasYours truly and LaiyyYours truly and twin, Beneh
And did I mention it was Laiyy’s birthday as well? Because it was and we even had cake!
Laiyy and cakeLaiyy and the headmistress in which the headmistress gave her a birthday present
And then soon, at around 10pm it was time and everyone headed home in the same bus we came with.
Everyone was more or less already knocked out in the bus so it was a quiet journey home. Despite feeling the fullest and most tired I’ve ever been, I enjoyed myself thoroughly and here’s a note to Et: don’t hesitate to invite us over for another event like this again.
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink
Human emotions, such fickle objects to exist in a universe as vast and complicated as this; yet it’s the one true thing that drives us through life, helping us make decisions, create portrayals of people from our surroundings in our minds. So fickle, they leap to and fro as they like, and when you try to stop these changes from happening, you stop for a moment, and you realise you can’t because you yourself have already changed and once you change, you can’t change back.
They say you can’t change other people; you can only change how you feel towards other people. And maybe it’s true, maybe you’re not the one who has changed, maybe I’m the one who changed, and thus that would change how I feel towards you. And maybe it’s your fault, and maybe it’s mine. Do we really have any say in this? Is there a right and wrong in this? Are human emotions presentable in black and white after all?
So maybe I’m making a decision, a decision driven by my emotions, no less. It may be a decision I come to regret or appreciate in the future, but unlike the sea, this place is not a good place to think about the future. So I shall let you go, and you will be gone from my life, taking a segment of my heart I have reserved for everyone in my life together with your departing shadow.
Thanks for the memories, they were good while they lasted.
Hello! I popped off the surface of the Earth again, I know. First off, I’d like to blame school life, for being so hectic, and also procrastination, my ever loyal friend, and who can forget laziness, who practically lives in my bones and feeds on my motivation.
Playing the blame game aside, let me just tell you a few things that have happened in my life, because really, what else is there to say here?
Two Fridays ago, I went to Penang for an orthodontic appointment. I’d hoped this would be the appointment in which I finally get to take off my braces since the orthodontist last told me that I should be able to get them off by June and it was already the second last day of June but no, I’m still a braceface and not only that, I have to resume wearing rubber bands on my brace hooks again.
After that, we went shopping at Queensbay Mall and this was what I got:
How to Louis Tomlinson
On the 2nd of July, I had my seventh grade violin exam and let’s be real, it’s not something I really want to talk about so just know that it was something which I was glad was over. I came out of the room feeling like a thousand years of burden had been lifted off my shoulders, and I thought, well, I sure as heck ain’t ever going near the violin again!
And then irony took a stroll through my life and one fine Thursday afternoon, I started to search for One Direction music sheets online…and soon I was printing all of their songs’ music sheets and I have not stopped practising all of them since then until now. Ironic isn’t it, that I found myself playing the violin more after exams than I did for the exams. I love playing the violin, I really do, despite all my whines and complaints and my sworn hatred towards it since last year. I only hated it – refused, even to pick it up and play it because ever since I started learning the violin since I was 11, the only things I played were exam pieces and scales for the exams. Over the years, I just got really fed up and decided I wasn’t going to go near it anymore. My life was already exam-oriented as it was, I didn’t need another exam to surround my life. It was like utilising a favoured item to break yourself apart, and I didn’t need anymore cracks on my glass walls.
The constant nagging thought of violin exam results aside, I recently did a cover of One Thing by (who else?) One Direction and here ya go if you’re not worried about scathing your own eardrums or something:
Just last night, I went to Pacific for stationery shopping and long story short, I found the One Direction Up All Night Live Tour DVD. That’s it, that’s all I’m going to say about it. That is it.
I sincerely apologise to anyone who really couldn’t care less about One Direction because it seems to be the only thing I can blog/tweet/talk about these days but before you start going on a hating spree, do know that they have made me very happy during these otherwise mundane and depressing months so…I don’t know. Maybe you care, maybe you don’t. I like platypuses.
Greetings! Remember that email screenshot I posted two posts ago that showed how I was longlisted and was invited to sit for the ASEAN scholarships selection tests? Well, that’s exactly what I did for the past two days!
On the 16th of June, which was a Saturday, my Dad drove my Mum and I to the Sunway Carnival Convention Centre where the tests would be held. Needless to say, I felt like emptying the contents of my stomach, bowels and let’s be honest, my bladder too the entire time.
And then it was noon and we headed for Level 4 to find it crowded and let me just inform you beforehand that I knew absolutely no one else among my friends and acquaintances who would be sitting for the tests too but imagine my surprise when I bumped into not one nor two but three people I actually know back in Alor Setar: Jing Sheng, Zhe Han and Jing Hwan.
Yours truly, Jing Sheng, Jing Hwan and Zhe Han.
And things got a little better after that because I don’t like to admit it but the major reason why I was so nerve-wrecked was because I thought I’d be walking into a hall full of genius strangers and am I crazy for being more afraid of that than of the actual exams? Maybe.
Anyway, registration began, and all Pre-University applicants (which were around 80 people) were divided according to their classes. I was in Class 8.
The first test was Mathematics. The question paper contained 26 questions and we had to finish it in two hours. A friend asked me to describe the test in three words, so I’ll give you those three words: Pretty Freaking Bad. I managed to complete all questions, and by “complete” I mean create my own formulae as a desperate measure when I was running out of time and had no idea how to continue solving a question I absolutely didn’t know how to. Many asked if Singaporean Math is Modern Math or Add Math and the answer is both, only tougher. The syllabus is nearly the same, but the questions twist in more ways than one that make you forget the first step once you proceed to the next. To add to my distress, I couldn’t get that annoying Circus Afro song out of my head throughout the entire paper so yeah, thanks Pixar. If it’s even Pixar. I came out of the hall laughing my way to the toilets. Because I needed to pee and not because it’s a symbolic metaphor or whatever.
Next was English and I was relatively more confident for this test. The first paper was a comprehension and summary question and it was nice. Nice in the way that the words “using your own words” appear in almost every question because in Malaysia, your marks get deducted if you use your own words so wahey! (What even is “wahey” I don’t know it was a random sound I literally made at the end of that sentence.)
The second paper required us to write a 350 words comprehension in 30 minutes and this I’d been training for for the past two years when I took the University of New South Wales Essay Test, to be honest. We were allowed to choose from two questions which were “Young people nowadays are more concerned of themselves than other people- do you agree?” and “Wealth is a blessing as well a curse” and I chose the former one. Ten minutes into the essay and I didn’t really know where I was headed but at least I got two solid points in which filled up two pages.
And then the day was over and we went home.
The next day, we had to wake up at 6 AM because we were supposed to register ourselves at 9 AM. We reached Butterworth at 8 and had breakfast at some nasi kandar shop before heading for SCCC.
We were once again sorted according to our classes and led to different rooms where we would be sitting for our last test: the General Ability test. Amanda had warned me beforehand that speed was essential for this test so I rushed through all 46 questions in the span of 20 minutes, leaving two more questions undone which I then hurriedly filled in randomly. All in all, it was quite okay because I was confident I’d gotten most of the questions that I’d rushed through more or less correct.
After the GA test, we had a briefing session about the scholarship as well as the Junior Colleges at Singapore. And the gist of that session (as Aifa liked to put it) was this: I actually want to go to Singapore. Previously, it had just been an alternative route (although, let’s be honest, it’s been the only route these few months) but right then, right then I decided that if I got the scholarship, I would go. Without a doubt. This is a globally top ranked country educational-wise we are talking about, it’d be a shame to let go of such a great opportunity.
So after that, I bade farewell to the guys and headed for Penang where I would be meeting Amanda (who is currently an ASEAN scholar studying in Anglo-Chinese JC and also a fellow ex-Starstrucker) at Gurney Plaza.
Yours truly and Amanda.
We had lunch at Kim Gary and from then on, it was an Amanda-athon.
Nah, just kidding, couldn’t resist a The Social Network reference.
But basically, that’s what went down, to be honest, except it didn’t have as much hostility as Eduardo Saverin had put in. Amanda talked about her own process in getting the scholarship and subsequently her life at JC and in Singapore in general.
After talking to Amanda…okay so I might have been intimidated a little. And I’m not getting my hopes up. But I still see it as a potential path in the future.
After that, we went roaming around the mall for a while and ended up, not surprisingly, at Popular. However, surprisingly, we bumped into yet another ex-Starstrucker, Eibhlin and we went into states of shock for several seconds before everyone started talking at once. What were the odds? This was my first time meeting up with Amanda in Penang after she came back from Singapore for a 4-week break and the first person we bump into was Eibhlin, who we both coincidentally know? Do you see what I’m getting at? Do you see this incredible coincidence? Do you see a loophole in the universe? Do you see a chameleon licking a rainbow-coloured ball?
Amanda, Eibhlin and yours truly
Anyway, Eibhlin had to leave really soon though and right after that Amanda’s phone started ringing as well so we started to part our ways after several rounds of hugs.
So that’s that and we have reached the end of this post! Further developments of the scholarship will only be known starting from mid-August, where eligible applicants will be called in for interviews in September and wouldn’t that be the perfect motivation for trials?
It’s great how so many people I know actually have something relatively solid that they like and pursue, and I don’t even mean a certain course or field that they take up in colleges and universities. I mean typical hobbies that one spends his or her time doing. Baking, gaming, cycling, making sculptures, folding origami et cetera. It’s nice, because there’s a uniformity to it that gives a sense of security, even to people like me who are just looking from the sidelines. It’s like, you can just automatically relate someone to his or her interest, like, that’s Jane Doe, and she likes to rear deer, so everytime I meet her, I can expect to hold a conversation concerning deer and if I go on her blog it’ll be about deer and if I have any deer issues I can automatically go to her.
I guess ultimately, what I’m saying is that I’m not like the sort of people I just described. I don’t know what I like. I mean, most people would relate reading and writing to me, but the truth is, sometimes I’m so unconfident about my own writings to the point that I hate every single word I churn out from my brain juices; and sometimes, when I lose myself in the fantastic world of fiction that I grew to love so much, reality kicks in horridly to question me, why the hell aren’t you actually doing something about your non-fictional and very real life?
I don’t know, I’m just, afraid? I used to be comfortable being that quiet kid who preferred to read and write all alone but now…it’s changed. And the one thing I’m mostly pressured to be is sociable and outgoing and all those teenage normalcy that I don’t have. I don’t think people understand. I can do a lot of things, like wrap books perfectly, discern a physics law from a certain phenomenon around me but when it comes to the absolute big thing like talking to people, that’s where I find trouble. I don’t understand people who can walk into a room full of strangers and start talking to them or people who can walk into a party and start dancing and singing and when people comment that I’m “too quiet”, “not receptive”, “not enjoying myself”, believe me, most of the time, that’s not the case. Most of the time, the case is I don’t know what to do. Start walking up to a stranger and introduce myself? Start dancing like everyone else? But I can’t do that, because the whole time I will be worrying about how I look and how will people think of me and is my belly showing and is my hair alright and do I smell and do I look fat to these people and should I have worn my glasses out instead and more importantly, how do I present myself? Because that’s the main question. How do I present myself to these strangers or people I haven’t seen for ages? Am I a book nerd? An overachiever? A chatterbox? A laid-back, relaxed, don’t give a hoot kind of person? Serious and brooding? Full of indie cred or leak my guilty pleasure for certain pop music? Life of the party or a shadow in the corner? That’s why different people have different perceptions of me. And it’s frustrating, sometimes, when a certain image I’ve planned for myself doesn’t work out the way I want it to. Initially when I went for the internship in KL, I firmly told myself that I’d be extroverted and talkative and just out there and it worked for the first few minutes until the “do I look okay what do these people think of me” cycle returned and ruined the entire thing for me.
Yeah, okay, I am babbling. I certainly have a lot to complain about my life, don’t I? I sound so ungrateful of my blessings, don’t I? I’m sorry I’m in that kind of mood; it’s a mood that visits frequently nowadays.
Alright, well, remember that horrible, horrible headache I had which I described in my previous post? Well, it is good and gone! Now let me move on to something else nicer lest I jinx myself with further elaboration.
Today is the last day of the June holidays and coincidentally, it’s also my birthday! But before I continue on that, let me give you a recap of some of the interesting events that took place during the holidays.
Vern, Jia Ying, Jia Yuan, yours truly, Ying Hui and Jing Sheng. The rest went back earlier.
On Monday, 4th of June, we had a mini primary school gathering at TM Corner, and I say mini because only 10 out of 65 people turned up. Among the ten were Jia Yuan, Cheah En, Zhao Xian, Ying Hui, Vern, Jia Ying, Wei Xing, Jing Sheng, Hui Xiong and I. Despite that, it was still very nice as we caught up with each other over steamboat and teppanyaki. Later, everyone started to groan and gripe about being too full so someone suggested a jogging trip at Taman Jubli Perak the next morning and what was initially a joke turned serious and that’s what we did the next morning, although this time, the number of people that turned up was reduced by 50% and only five people turned up: Jia Yuan, Ying Hui, Zhao Xian, Cheah En and I.
On Wednesday, 6th of June, me and 30+ members of MYF including Jia Yuan and her younger sisters hiked the Penang Hill. We set off for Penang in a bus at 7am and reached the park where we would begin hiking at around 11am. It had begun to rain by the time we reached the park so everyone whipped out their raincoats and umbrellas but I only had a cap in hand so that was my only protection (from the rain, not anything else omg) for the hike.
The hike started pleasantly, although admittedly (and this is an embarrassing admission) I had a hard time keeping up with Jia Yuan and the rest because they were fast, I was weak and under-exercised, and the road was bumpy and tricky, so solve that equation by yourself. So about half an hour later (I think), I had to ask Jia Yuan to stop for a while to rest (initially I’d asked her when we were stopping to rest and she gave me a look saying no one was going to stop to rest dun dun dun) because I was starting to feel dizzy and inhaling was starting to feel painful. I looked around me and everyone was almost gone and we weren’t even close to the top of the hill and we were on a hill and that was when I started to have a panic attack. I sat down but vertigo still made my head spin and my hands and chest were starting to numb and it was the scariest moment of my life. I legitimately thought I was going to die right then and there. Like, my heart was going to stop and I’m going to die on a hill. I started blabbing subconsciously after that (Jia Yuan said she got worried because I was literally making no sense) and by this time, most of the other adults bringing up the rear stopped to access the situation.
Things weren’t improving even after quite some time and when I tried to stand up I collapsed almost immediately so the final plan was to…actually, I don’t quite know what the final plan was but it was settled that I wasn’t going to continue climbing up anymore. And then something happened. Uncle Joseph and Jia Yuan helped me to stand up really slowly, aided with his constant encouraging words and when I stood up on my two feet, the numbness actually vanished instantaneously. Just like that. I still don’t know what really happened, what caused the numbness to take over my nervous system and what chased it away, but I’m still too afraid to Google the symptoms yet so let’s just praise the lord that I was able to overcome that obstacle.
After that, we (by this time, “we” meant Uncle Ti Pheng, Uncle Joseph, Uncle Kenny, Angeline’s dad, Yi Hong, Jia Yuan -those wonderful, wonderful people who stayed behind to help me- and I) continued to climb up the hill at a really, really slow pace and I had to rest a couple of times because I was feeling pretty weak and then halfway through the hike I actually had a muscle cramp.
But despite all that, we managed to make it out of the hill! Woo yes celebration! But I cheated a little on the tar road by hitchhiking a stranger’s jeep all the way up the hill. Here, I want to take this chance to thank everyone who helped me during that tough time from the bottom of my heart. Honestly, I don’t think I would’ve ever made it out of the hill without the help from these people: Uncle Ti Pheng, Uncle Kenny, Uncle Joseph, Angeline’s dad, the pastor, Yi Hong and Jia Yuan. I’m sorry to have caused so much trouble and I cannot thank you enough for all the help you guys gave.
At the top of the hill, we cleaned up and then took the train down. Four hours of climbing up the hill, five minutes of descending it. The biggest irony of my life.
After reaching flat ground, we headed for Queensbay Mall, where we were given 2 and a half hours to shop and eat. Jia Yuan and I broke away from the group to shop for clothes and books. We each bought a shirt at Padini, and then had dinner at this lovely English-styled cafe called Winters Warmers (I think) and the food was brilliant, although that could just be our hunger. It was probably the loveliest meal I’ve had in months.
Soon, it was time to leave and I was dead beat with and the tendons in my legs were screaming but I managed to stay up throughout the whole trip back to Alor Setar, gossiping with Jia Yuan all the way. The moment I reached home, the first thing I did was check the Internet (did you honestly think I was going to say I went to sleep immediately? No, that is not the kind of life I lead, sadly) and then only went to sleep, completely conked out.
So that was how I spent my holidays. Seriously, those were the only productive days during which I actually got up to do something. Other than that, my universe was just the bed, my phone, my laptop and the TV.
Moving on to the birthday mood, this year, I decided to do nothing, which really isn’t such a huge decision, let’s be real. But my parents initially wanted to hold a celebration for me which I finally rejected because I just wasn’t up for it. I don’t know, I just think…birthdays aren’t such big deals you know? (Says the kid who cried when no one entertained her during her birthday last year oh whoops!) But yeah. I’m already happy enough that people take time out of their schedules to properly wish me a happy birthday, some even accompanied with lovely essays about my brilliance and awesomeness (which is actually non-existent, I assure you). So, thank you everyone for the wishes!
Did I mention that I got a pair of aviators for my birthday from my dad?
Are these Raybans? The answer is yes.
And no, I totally wasn’t trying to channel Harry Styles that idiot from One Direction, what are you on about.
See, Aifa, I told you this post would veer off into the direction of…One Direction.
Besides that, my parents also got me several books as early birthday presents: Insurgent by Veronica Roth, To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, Paper Towns by John Green, Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer and A Feast For Crows by none other than the brilliant George R.R. Martin of the A Song of Ice and Fire series.
Oh and before I leave, let me leave you with an incredible gem that came in my email inbox last week, which in itself is probably the greatest birthday present I’ve received this year.
So I have been gone for a month. Wow, let me just get used to writing in this font because I haven’t been doing this for a month now.
The reason I have been gone for a month is your typical, hackneyed reason: exams.
During that one month, a lot of things have happened and one of them is this
despite everything I’ve done to not get myself emotionally invested in this stupid boyband because that’s all they are. Stupid stupid stupid foolish idiotic brainless imbecilic life ruiners.
I’m writing this post not because I’m already done with exams, but for the sake of updating and letting everyone know that I’m still alive and breathing and in the flesh and all that humanly stuff you humans do. Yes, yes I know exams are over all over Malaysia and the holidays are here but because of this massive headache I’ve been having since Wednesday, I had to skip exams and reexams are next week. Hospitals and clinics are the only places I’ve been going to these past few days and I’ve only just got a diagnosis which is that I have overtightened nerves at my temples because of stress or something like that. Haha. I could almost laugh at it because– stress. Pretty ironic if you ask me.
Okay, my head is still hurting a lot right now so I have to go. Bye.
That’s right! I got a new laptop. An Asus U32U which is the closest thing to a Macbook Air I’m ever going to get. Don’t get me wrong, I am utterly in love with my new laptop (but then again, I’m in love with almost anything new so that’s hardly news) (it’s called neophilia) (double parentheses!) (yay!) .
Sorry for the redundant phrases, but I wrote a new story and this is a big deal for me because it’s been exactly 8 months and 13 days since I last wrote a story so yay!
Also, Caleb, this is your one-month late birthday present. Happy one-month belated birthday!
I don’t want to seem annoying by making everyone read my story but it would be a really, really great thing if you did and I would really, really appreciate it. And if you’re curious, it’s called ‘After Midnight’ and yes, it’s about that song by blink-182.
An excerpt:
He thought he felt something.
After 5 years 7 months and 14 days of being Numb, he felt a tingling in his fingers that travelled all the way to his ears, and then to his feet.
The first thought that came to his mind was, I can finally get out of here! since it was his inability to feel anything that had placed him here in the first place.
But the thought only lasted for about 0.67 seconds before it was banished from his mind, because he didn’t really want to leave. After three months of moping, groveling and sobbing in random places, you would’ve thought he couldn’t stand being in the San Diego Youth Psychiatric Ward any longer but a new twist of events had turned everything upside down for him.
And that new twist of events came in the form of Hanna Taylor.
“I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
This is what happened during the first week of April:
The district level English parliamentary debate competition was held on Monday (quarter- and semi-finals) and Tuesday (finals) at SMK Hutan Kampong and I took part in the competition this year not as a speaker, unfortunately, but as a researcher. We won against SMK Sultanah Bahiyah during quarter-finals but lost to Keat Hwa during semi-finals. It was sad but I couldn’t be prouder of our debaters: Aifa, Alia and Moksha. The next day, we went to watch finals and…Keat Hwa won! Which was good because it was time someone other than Kolej won.
On the same Tuesday, I came home early to find a package for me by a certain “Christopher Lee” and I was confused at first and then I thought of Ellen Lee and immediately knew what was in the package and it was my much-awaited for copy of The Fault In Our Stars by John Green! Also accompanying the book was a lovely handwritten letter by Ellen herself, inserted in a wonderfully drawn envelope which you can see in the collage above.
I didn’t start reading it immediately because I was caught in a reading dilemma: I’d just finished rereading Catching Fire and was just moving on to Mockingjay when the book arrived and as much as I’d wanted to start it right away, I’d also wanted to finish my Hunger Games trilogy reread but then I really wanted to read TFiOS and to be honest I didn’t really want to reread Mockingjay anyway because it always made me very emotional to the extent that I couldn’t function for the next few hours after finishing it (although it retrospect, TFiOS made me feel the same) and my head was a jumbled-up mess so I didn’t read anything for the day.
However, the next day, I couldn’t resist the temptation and started reading The Fault In Our Stars. And couldn’t stop reading it for the rest of the day. Even (admittedly) during tuition. I’d finished two-thirds of the book by that night and proceeded to finish everything by yesterday evening (and that was only because I came home from school at 5).
I read the last lines of The Fault In Our Stars and was unable to function because I was overwhelmed. With. So. Many. Feels.
I don’t really want to discuss about the book here since the surprise element plays an important role in making TFiOS such a wonderful book, but you can read the synopsis here if you want.
And now that old feeling revisits. What a way to start the month of April.
The Hunger Games movie earned an “E” on its report card.
And by “E” I mean “Exceeds Expectations” inching towards the “Outstanding” level on the meter.
[MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD]
On the morning of the 23rd of March, I woke up feeling strangely anxious with the thought that I was going to watch The Hunger Games later that day with Ann-Marie. I was going to watch The Hunger Games. I was going to watch the Hunger Games. After two years of painful waiting, I was going to watch The Hunger Games.
Much unlike midnight premieres everywhere else, dressing up as a character in the movie to a movie screening is not considered the least bit a norm here but I tried my best to dress as Katniss Everdeen anyway, and by “my best” I mean tying a braid and wearing an ordinary black shirt as a sad excuse for a tribute shirt.
But I will say this for myself, and that is, I am very, very lucky indeed. I am lucky because the release of The Hunger Games movie coincidentally falls on the same date as one of my orthodontic appointments and what better than to watch The Hunger Games at a high-quality cinema (you may be a high-quality cinema but your website still sucks, GSC) at Penang? Hence, I tweeted about it last month and surprise, surprise, Ann-Marie suggested a meet-up to watch the movie and that made things greater.
I changed my braces colours to red, orange and yellow that Friday morning, the colours of the girl on fire. Later, because the movie only started after lunchtime, we went to Midlands where the Popular store there was having a books clearance sale and I bought 1984 and Animal Farm by George Orwell, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath as well as many other outrageously cheap books.
The event in which Michelle tries to be Katniss Everdeen, or at the very least, a Hunger Games tribute.
AND THEN IT WAS TIME and I got lost making my way to GSC and panicked for a bit but managed to make it to Hall 2 before the movie started.
AND THEN THE MOVIE STARTED.
As soon as the Lionsgate logo appeared, I let out an “oh my god” and let the influx of exclamations and cusses begin.
Katniss at the Hob
In my opinion, Lionsgate portrayed District 12 perfectly. The coal miners, the dilapidated houses, the Hob, the beggars scraping nutrients off animal bones…it was these little details that made the movie believable.
Gale and Katniss. Liam Hemsworth as Gale is still foreign to me. Liam has this “pampered boy” look, if you get what I mean and he’d be perfect portraying a spoiled prince from the Middle Ages but as a hunter who lives in the poorest district of Panem? Inapproprié.
Then, the reaping. So sullen and depressing and awkward and we even gasped when the Peacekeepers buzzed the kids’ hands for “registration” because honestly, ouch. And when all the children assembled before the Justice Building, it finally hit me that whoa those are a lot of kids. It was something I never really paid attention to or could imagine when I read the
Katniss and Gale
book and it made things worse because it’s like breeding a pool of children just to have them slaughtered on national television. The reaping was horrible, but the only person who seemed to be enjoying it was Effie Trinket, that madwoman. I also found it interesting that they showed the mandatory Capitol video about how the districts rose from the ashes after the Dark Days and finally found bliss and happiness because of the Capitol. That was a detail that would normally be left out but no and +1 for you, Gary Ross.
It was also at the reaping that I realised how afraid I was of Effie Trinket. Not because she looked outrageous (although that was a good contributing factor) but because she seemed so heartless, so ignorant and indifferent towards all these children’s lives at stake, that the fates of these kids were perpetually in her hand as she dug around the reaping bowl to fish out a paper which contained the name of a child who had a high risk of dying a horrible death. But then again, that was how all Capitol people thought. “23 people are going to fight to their death! Hooray! This is fun!” was what Ann-Marie said, supposedly mimicking a Capitol person’s thoughts about the Hunger Games.
But really, are they to be blamed? These Capitol people? After all, they were brought up to be this way. In the end, it all came down to the mere existence of the Capitol.
Effie Trinket and Katniss
Prim’s name was called, and I heard gasps from the audience. That few minutes of stunning silence as Prim looked lost, sad and frightened at the same time as everyone slowly inched away from her was fantastic; it played the earth-shattering atmosphere well. And when Prim tucked in her ducktail…such strong feels okay. The volunteer scene was great, as was in the trailer, and +1 for you too, Jennifer Lawrence, for your believable pained expression. I read a review that said Jennifer Lawrence was believable as Katniss because she embodies her character completely to the extent that you can see the pain Katniss feels in her eyes, and that is stellar acting right there.
Peeta’s name was called after that, and at the sight of his sad face, everyone in the cinema cracked up. Josh Hutcherson as Peeta Mellark was something I wasn’t very happy about ever since they picked him as an official cast. I’d grown up watching children movies that starred Josh Hutcherson, and then suddenly he was Peeta Mellark, the boy I loved in the trilogy? I went into the cinema with the same disapproval towards Josh, but came out reevaluating my opinions. He wasn’t bad, after all, and an example can be seen through his pained expressions throughout the movie, not much unlike Jennifer Lawrence’s.
And here came the part everyone is upset about: the giving of the mockingjay pin. In the books, Madge Undersee, District 12’s mayor’s daughter was the one who was supposed to give Katniss the pin but this subplot was cut off totally in the movie. I was upset about this at first but then to be honest, it didn’t have as huge an impact on the movie overall as the Avox girl subplot which Gary Ross expressed his regret to cut off. (“You have to kill your darlings.”) So, it was Prim instead who gave her the mockingjay pin.
The boy with the bread
And then there were scenes of how the phrase “the boy with the bread” came about, in which Peeta threw Katniss a bread when she was on the brink of starvation, symbolizing the day she found hope for her and her family. What I’m kind of upset about is the fact that this scene was supposed to happen when they were just children, after Katniss’s father died and all means of putting food on the table had come to an end…until Peeta Mellark threw her that loaf of bread. But in the movie, it looked as if the throwing of the bread had happened not long before the reaping itself, so the immensity of Katniss’s gratitude towards Peeta was largely lessened.
On the train, it was a complete antithesis to District 12 and we caught our first glimpse (besides Effie Trinket’s presence of course) of the mechanics of the Capitol. Large, comfy couches, shiny chandeliers that hung over long, vibrant tables that held plates and bowls of food so splendid and grand…the luxuries disgusted both Katniss and Peeta. Haymitch then made his first appearance as a drunkard and that was quite well, but the scenes involving Haymitch that ensued throughout the movie were more of a sober Haymitch then a drunk Haymitch. To quote Taylor, “There should only be one scene in which Haymitch isn’t drunk.” Plus, the fact that I’d initially tied Haymitch’s character to Robert Downey Jr.’s face way before the casting was announced sort of marred my perception of Woody Harrelson as Haymitch. I also thought Woody!Haymitch wasn’t as bitter as portrayed in the books. This is a man who had no one, who had to see tributes he mentored die every year, not one who immediately sobers up when threatened by a tribute for once. Even in the books, it took quite some time for him to put down his liquor enough to help Katniss and Peeta in the arena.
Speaking of the threat scene, it was Katniss who’d lodged a knife on the dining table between Haymitch’s fingers when he’d refused to offer any decent advice. And thus this was where Effie Trinket’s infamous “THAT. IS. MAHOGANY!” line came in, expressing Effie’s utmost concern towards the welfare of the dining table instead of Haymitch’s nearly decapitated fingers.
People of the Capitol
We saw the Capitol for the first time as the train rolled into the station, and the first thing that Ann-Marie said as soon as the Capitol people appeared was, “She [Effie] multiplied!”
And sure enough, the Capitol was basically a breeding nest of Lady Gagas. Their fashions so quirky and gaudy to the extent that it was almost disgusting and goosebump-raising– the Capitol essence was excellently played. In fact, every scene in the movie that involved the Capitol -the tributes’ penthouse, the Gamemakers’ room, the training center, the gala where the chariot parade was carried out- was stunning.
Unfortunately, things weren’t stunning for Katniss as she had to undergo a full-body makeover and later, she met Cinna for the first time. Maybe I should mention that Cinna was also initially added under my “I don’t like (actor) as (character)” list but have I changed my mind after the movie? Probably. I don’t know. I still think Cinna should be gentler and more understanding instead of Lenny’s slight brashness and bluntness. Plus, in the movie, we didn’t really get to see how Katniss and Cinna really bonded because one minute she was meeting him for the first time and the next they became really close and that is something I’ll address later on down the plot chain.
Somewhere around the time when our lovable group from District 12 entered the Capitol, there was a scene that pulled at my heartstrings. Two Capitol children were fighting each other with toy swords as Haymitch looked upon their actions. That scene alone spoke a million words, and I could almost hear the thoughts going through Haymitch’s head. So your kids are here playing, pretending to kill each other while you watch us, our kids really kill each other, feeling entertained.
The chariots
And then, one of the most anticipated scenes: the chariot parade! First off, let me say that…the fire! Wasn’t it supposed to cover their entire costumes? Instead it only reached the waist, which wasn’t only odd-looking but also disappointing. But apart from that, everything was great– especially the part where Katniss and Peeta held hands and the Capitol crowd went berserk. The Capitol’s enthusiasm was also one of the highlights of the movie; it made the Games even more sadistic that it already was. We tend to cheer along with the characters in movies and while the chariot scene could almost trick us into believing that this was yet another exciting reality show ala X Factor or American Idol, we saw the bigger picture of the Games and this was an interesting element of the movie.
The next day at the training center, besides tribute training, my love for the Careers also started here. Cato, Clove, Glimmer and Marvel; so lethal yet so fascinating and riveting. No one else could’ve played the Careers better than Alexander Ludwig, Isabelle Fuhrman (especially Isabelle Fuhrman), Leven Rambin and Jack Quaid. Isabelle, only at fifteen year old, always had that naturally evil look (if you are wondering, Isabelle Fuhrman played Esther in the horror movie Orphan) and Jack Quaid’s smirk gave you the impression that he wasn’t someone you wanted to be near to within a ten foot radius.
Rue
Besides the Careers, we also saw tiny Rue for the first time. Rue, whom Thresh exchanged secretive smiles with when she stole Cato’s knife and looked at Cato’s eruption from a net hanging from the ceiling. I like that addition; it gave the message that Rue wasn’t entirely a weakling. Plus, the exchange of smiles between the tributes from District 11 was adorable or what?
But the strange part was when Katniss asked Peeta to show his strength because apparently the Careers were looking at him as if he was “dead meat” since Haymitch had instructed them not to show their talents in the training center (which would benefit the other tributes). So Peeta did what Katniss told him to, hurling a weight at a rack of weapons, and apparently it turned out to be impressive because the Careers’ smiles faltered a little and they dispersed from the crowd. But all I could think about then was wow this is an awkward scene because compared to what the Careers did this is hardly anything.
Anyway, moving on.
It was the private session time with the Gamemakers and Katniss entered the evacuated center before Peeta. Here was where Seneca Crane, Head Gamemaker got a lot of screentime and may I just say that his beard is one of the definite highlights of the movie. An interesting detail of the training center: I personally liked the fact that the Gamemakers were placed on a raised platform
Seneca Crane and beard
that overlooked the center which indirectly showed authority over the tributes because when I was reading the book, I’d expected the Gamemakers to be on the same level as everyone else and that was a nice additional detail I hadn’t expected to encounter in the movie. The next series of events was exactly like how it happened in the book. “Katniss Everdeen, District 12?” She introduced herself to gain the Gamemakers’ attention as they were all chatting noisily with each other while feasting on rich Capitol food. Katniss picked up a bow and arrow, shot at a dummy but missed and lost the Gamemakers’ attention instantaneously. Indignant, she tried again and managed to hit the target but this time, no one was even looking at her. Frustrated, she shot at the Gamemakers, pinning the apple out of a roast pig’s mouth, and then excusing herself from the center with a sarcastic “Thank you for your consideration.”
Katniss told her entourage about her little stunt and it was groundbreaking news for Effie Trinket. Haymitch, however, was all smiles and thumbs-up which set Effie into a more heated outrage. However, when Katniss’s score was televised and she found out she’d acquired an outstanding 11 over 12 marks, Effie’s frown turned into a smile and she soon forgot about Katniss’s “bad manners”.
We also saw a scene not through Katniss’s eyes as President Snow warned Seneca Crane for giving Katniss an 11 and proceeded to talk about how strong hope was dangerous and it was exactly what the creation of the Hunger Games was created to quell.
Caesar Flickerman and Katniss
And then it was time for the individual interviews and can I just say that no one could possibly play Caesar Flickerman better than Stanley Tucci had. And Katniss was just the perfect amount of awkwardness even, no, especially when she was twirling in her flaming dress. Then it was Peeta’s turn and he was the perfect amount of charm. The confession scene left nail marks on my cheeks but I was surprised Katniss didn’t show any expression except for a strange stoicism as she stared at the screen. Wasn’t she supposed to be shocked and confused? When Peeta came out, we saw the bitchy side of Katniss for the first time as she roughly shove him against a wall and demanded to know his intentions. At least she didn’t shove him into a flower pot which broke and cut his hands. Effie shouted, “MANNERS!” at Katniss and Ann-Marie replied, “Says Lady Gaga.”
Finally, it was the day of the Hunger Games. Katniss was escorted by Haymitch to a hovercraft where Haymitch gave her final words of advice. His rooting for Katniss was made more obvious by that, since he was with Katniss and not Peeta. Cinna was with Katniss as she prepared herself for the arena at the Launch Room, and he had secretly pinned her mockingjay pin on the inside of her jacket. Is it just me, or did the producers make it look as if Cinna and Katniss had something going on? Especially in aforementioned scene, where quite affectionate gestures were exchanged despite the fact that their friendship wasn’t even really played out before this.
She then entered the tube which brought her up, up, up to the arena and then the ominous countdown added to the exhilaration. I was practically hanging onto my seat by then. It really felt as if I was in the Games itself, you could almost feel the movie screen giving off adrenaline vibes. And then the countdown ended at 0 and everyone was running, running and we were awarded the brutal bloodbath scene at the Cornucopia. Everything was moving really fast but we could still catch glimpses of Cato going for the jugular, Clove’s knives lodged in someone’s back, the turn of a tribute’s head, an arrow in another’s chest. It was all very bloody and not to mention disturbing and I finally realised why The Hunger Games is a PG13 movie.
Clove almost got Katniss, but she managed to use the backpack she’d picked from the Cornucopia as a shield to block the attack. Then, she made a run for the woods.
Clove, Glimmer, Cato and Marvel going in for a kill
The entire journey in which Katniss searches for water was unfortunately cut off as we saw her reaching a stream mere minutes after leaving the Cornucopia. She then found shelter in a tree and strapped herself onto a branch to settle down for the night. The next day, she continued exploring the forest, and then the scene shifted and we were looking from the Gamemakers’ room, where Seneca Crane ordered a fire to drive Katniss away from the edge of the arena and towards the other tributes. And with several touches on screens slash sort-of-game-consoles, bam! A fire was produced. Katniss woke up to the terrifying sight of a fiery wall and immediately took off with her supplies, managing to survive but with a bad gash on her leg. She found a river and only got minutes of relief before she was spotted by the Careers and had to make a run for it despite her bad leg. The Careers actually started whooping and cheering maniacally by then, all grins as if they were headed for a party instead of a kill. She started to climb a tree, which proved to be the right move because the Careers later found out they were too heavy to follow her up and Glimmer’s archery skills were trash. And then Peeta appeared, apparently part of the Career team! With nothing they could possibly do to harm Katniss, they decided to wait it out and camped under the tree for the night. And now let me just interrupt this moment to say that the movie showed a scene in which Glimmer and Cato were apparently snuggled against each other under the tree and let us just hold onto that thought, shall we? Glimmer and Cato, star-crossed lovers from District 1 and 2, giving Katniss and Peeta a run for their money?
Well…I kind of like it. But I would’ve liked it more if it was a Cato/Clove shipping we’re starting here.
Cato at the bloodbath
Katniss received a sponsored parachute from Haymitch, in which contained burn medicine for her wound. She then, too, strapped in for the night. The next morning, she noticed Rue’s presence in a neighbouring tree, and she subtly pointed to something above Katniss’s head: a trackerjacker nest. This was where the scene shifted to Caesar Flickerman and Claudius Templesmith on television, explaining to the audience what it was that Katniss had seen and what exactly the trackerjackers could do. I think it’s interesting that they managed to cleverly convert what were Katniss’s inner-monologues in the book into something like this to keep the storyline complete.
Katniss had an idea and started ascending the tree to saw off the branch that holding the nest. She got several painful stings, but the nest eventually dropped onto the ground and angry trackerjackers swarmed out immediately, assaulting the Careers. All of them managed to get away except for Glimmer, and we saw her thrashing on the ground, covered from head to toe in trackerjackers which, needless to say, was disturbing. Katniss was already starting to feel the effects of the trackerjacker stings which made her woozy, and I was actually dreading the scene of Glimmer’s grotesque corpse but it wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. At least there was no “oozing green pus” as stated in the book. But Katniss started to have multiple visions and this happened when Peeta appeared all of a sudden, asking her to run, and she did, though she succumbed to her hallucinations in the end.
The following scenes were of Katniss’s nightmares’ of her father dying in the mines, her house back in District 12 exploding into a multitude of debris, her mother’s sinking into depression after her father’s death…and then she woke up with a jolt to find herself covered with leaves. She found Rue then, and apparently she’d been applying the leaves to Katniss’s stings, a form of home remedy to treat trackerjacker stings from District 11. The two agreed on an alliance and decided to go for the offensive now that Katniss was armed with a bow and arrows stolen from Glimmer. Rue was instructed to create diversions as Katniss headed down to the Cornucopia where the Careers’ stockpiles were. Cato, Clove and Marvel set off after the smoke, Rue’s distraction, but this time, they left the boy from District 3 at the camp to guard the supplies. Foxface made a sudden appearance and danced through the minefield and managed to run away with some supplies. The boy from District 3 was obviously very dim for not noticing her stint and only went after her after she’d fled into the forest. This was when Katniss had her chance to destroy the supplies by sending an arrow through a sack of apples which dropped and activated the mines. She went temporarily deaf as she watched the Careers return and Cato, evidently furious, broke District 3’s neck. Katniss recovered and managed to escape before they saw her.
Rue's death
She started to search for Rue, whistling her four-note mockingjay call. She suddenly heard a scream and it could only come from Rue. Here’s my opinion on Rue’s death: it wasn’t as sudden and impactful as I’d expected or even depicted in the books. In the books, Katniss arrived just in time to see Marvel spearing Rue but in the movie, Katniss managed to cut Rue free from the net she was ensnared in before Marvel appeared suddenly and hurled a spear at their direction– and got an arrow lodged in his chest almost immediately. However, Katniss turned around to find the spear sticking out from Rue’s chest. Katniss, sobbing laid her down and Rue wanted Katniss to sing. That was the second time Katniss sang “Deep In the Meadows” (the first time was for Prim at the very beginning of the movie). Rue died and Katniss found flowers to lay them around Rue, a symbol of rebellion towards the Capitol, refusing to play the Games on their terms. Before leaving, she held three fingers to her lips and then to the air, a symbol of respect towards the people of District 11. Then, we were brought to District 11 itself, where everyone who was watching the Games onscreen did the same thing back at Katniss, before starting a full-scale rebellion by overturning barrels of grain, attacking Peacekeepers, setting fires to buildings. I was shocked because this was pure Catching Fire material. Later on, I read interviews by Gary Ross saying, “I thought it was important that you begin to start to make the turn into Catching Fire, that you see the seeds of the rebellion, you see what Katniss has caused.” I thought it wasn’t really necessary, since Katniss herself didn’t even realise about the existence of uprisings until a quarter into Catching Fire but it didn’t harm the movie.
"Oh, there you are Peeta. How many times have I told you not to become a rock?"
We got another bonus scene after that, and by “bonus” I mean “scenes that aren’t in the book at all because they aren’t through Katniss’s eyes”. Haymitch was struck by a sudden idea and went up to Seneca Crane, convincing him to turn up the teenage romance between Katniss and Peeta, hoping to alleviate situations since he had a hunch President Snow wasn’t very happy with Katniss’s actions which sparked a rebellion. Hence, Claudius Templesmith announced the new rule that two tributes of the same district could be crowned victors. Back in the arena, Katniss started to search for Peeta…and found him by the river, camouflaged as a rock. The camouflage was so frighteningly real that we burst into laughter when we could make out Peeta’s face on the slab of rock, and that was only when he opened his eyes and moved his lips to talk.
And then we got the cave scene.
For many Katpee shippers (or Peeniss, for the more perverted shippers out there), this was the scene they were all waiting for, the scene they practically lived for (I’m not kidding, there’s a tumblr with the url ‘we-live-for-the-cave-scene’) but I wasn’t expecting much because of the Malaysian censorship. However, we got to witness one out of two kisses so at least the censorship board was relenting this time (and to the credit of the cinema audience, everyone instantly went “Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww” when Katniss and Peeta locked lips). I have to say though, that the romance was more toned down in the movie than in the books. There were many instances when they were so, so close to kissing, and Ann-Marie was starting a “kiss, kiss, kiss” chant next to me, but then it turned out to be a hug, or nine seconds of staring at each other, or a caress of the face or just a peck on the cheek (which received a “You call that a kiss? -H” note from Haymitch as he sent a parachute of broth to them).
Then, a feast was announced and despite Peeta’s warning to not risk her life for him, Katniss headed for the Cornucopia when Peeta was asleep. Foxface dashed in and out in mere seconds, but when Katniss tried her luck, she was met with one of Clove’s knives– on the forehead. The struggle and fight that ensued was a heated one, but Katniss ended up on her back with Clove ontop of her, brandishing a knife. Clove was the best Career, to be honest. She was so aggressive and scary and sadistic, and that face, seriously, with that face of hers, who wouldn’t be afraid? She was close to drawing blood out of Katniss when Thresh appeared, furious that the Careers had killed Rue, and proceeded to slam Clove’s head against the Cornucopia. And just like that, the knife assassin from District 2 died. From what I could gather from tweets and Tumblr posts, many people were cheering when Thresh killed Clove but really though, what’s there to cheer? Clove was just as young as anyone in the arena, if not younger, and despite her cruelty, her blackened heart, was death really something worth cheering at, especially the death of a teenager? It all just boiled down to the cruelty of the Capitol, turning children into heartless killing machines.
(Besides, I like Clove.)
Thresh found out that Rue and Katniss had been allies and let her go, just this once, for Rue. Without hesitation, Katniss immediately returned to the cave with the medicine she’d gotten from the feast and applied it on Peeta straight away. And then there was more cuddling, but (to Ann-Marie’s dismay) no kissing. And no emotional story-telling or proper exchange of feelings either, as told in the book. Peeta’s leg healed quickly and the next day, it was as good as gold, which was puzzling because for the rest of the story, Peeta was supposed to be handicapped.
Foxface's death
Katniss and Peeta started foraging for food after that and Peeta even managed to be witty by telling a joke. (Katniss: “We should probably look for food. Peeta: “I’ll take the bow.” Katniss: “…” Peeta: “…” Katniss: “…” Peeta: “I’m just kidding!”) They then separated to look for food; Katniss went hunting while Peeta went looking for edible plants and berries. After a while, a cannon went off and Katniss panicked, thinking it was Peeta only to find Foxface’s body lying next to the pile of berries Peeta had collected. It appeared that Foxface had consumed the berries, not knowing it was poisonous nightlock.
The sky darkened all of a sudden, turning it into night and they heard Thresh’s guttural scream before a cannon went off. Thresh’s death meant that there was only Cato left. As the duo ventured deeper into the woods, we got the scare of a lifetime when a mutt suddenly appeared out of nowhere and attacked Peeta. Katniss managed to kill the mutt and both of them made a run for the Cornucopia.
Two things to point out here: Peeta was, once again, unhurt and thus not handicapped, which was not the case in the book; the mutts weren’t introduced as muttations in the form of the 21 dead tributes. That would’ve spiced things up.
Unfortunately, Cato was already on the Cornucopia and after a fight, he got Peeta in a headlock and started genuinely going crazy. At least, that was what I’d thought when he said, “Go on. Shoot. Then we both go down and you win. Go on! I’m dead anyway – I always was, right? Tell that to them! How’s that, is that what they want? Huh? I could still do this. I could still do this. One. More. Kill. It’s the only thing I know how to do and we pride it in my district. Not that it matters…”
Things were chaotic then because what on earth was happening?
Because that sounded a lot like Cato insulting the Capitol and whoa, brand new subplot. Who was them? What was it that they want? The Capitol, I figured, and what they wanted was for the districts to realise that they had the ultimate control over everyone, even their children. That almost compensated for the lack of “spiciness” I’d mentioned earlier.
Katniss managed to shoot Cato on the arm and he fell to the mutts. She sent another arrow at Cato, this time aiming to kill, lessening his suffering as the mutts tore away at him. Shortly, a cannon went off, the mutts took away Cato’s body and the sky brightened up again. Katniss and Peeta slid down from the Cornucopia, waiting for the hovercraft to bring them away, for any sign that indicated that they were the victors of the 74th Hunger Games; instead nothing happened.
Then, a voice came over the speakers, announcing that the new rule about having two victors had been revoked. Peeta, ever the saint, demanded that Katniss shoot him but Katniss pulled out the nightlock berries instead. They counted from 1 and then major awkward scene as Peeta suddenly stroked Katniss braid at the second count. It was so abrupt and unexpected and out of place that we couldn’t help laughing. That scene was reminiscent of one scene in Deathly Hallows Part 2 when Ron suddenly wiped away a stain on the edge of Hermione’s mouth after she’d stupefied a Death Eater. Before they could swallow the berries, a voice called out to them, asking them to stop, and they were crowned victors.
Katniss and Peeta's interview after the Games
The next series of events happened very, very fast, way too fast for my liking because this was supposed to be the moment of dread as Katniss realised what her stunt had meant to the Capitol. Instead, we were rushed through scenes of Haymitch telling Katniss that “the Capitol wasn’t happy with her”, the final interview with Katniss and Peeta, the crowning of the victors by President Snow (only Katniss got a crown, someone tell me what was going on?), Seneca Crane being locked up in a room with a bowl of nightlock, indicating his self-execution, and finally, the train back to District 12. Here, we didn’t get to see the confrontation between Katniss and Peeta, when Peeta found out that Katniss’s romantic actions towards him had all been an act for the Games. Instead, Katniss only said that she wished she could forget about everything that had happened in the arena but Peeta wished otherwise.
I have to admit, the ending was very weak. We saw Katniss and Peeta dressed in Capitol clothes standing on a stage overlooking the whole of District 12, linking hands and waving to the crowd, Gale included. Gale, who was smiling at the both of them. That didn’t really make sense since we can deduce that Gale was unhappy with the couple’s romance from the few times the camera shifted from a passionate Katpee scene in the arena to a jealous-face Gale scene back in District 12 (may I add that whenever that happened, the cinema audience would burst into laughter). Plus, the producers had made it seem as if the Katpee romance was real and not just an act like it really is. The Capitol’s fury was also not accentuated, as if Haymitch’s warning was just a passing remark.
President Snow
Lastly, we saw a close-up shot of President Snow who was seemingly upset in the Gamemakers’ room, no doubt looking at the live footage of the victors’ return to District 12, before he turned away and the movie ended, followed by the haunting melody of Abraham’s Daughter by Arcade Fire.
I really didn’t want to leave my seat then.
Well, actually I did, because I had to pee really badly, but what I meant was I didn’t want the movie to end just yet. We followed the crowd out of the cinema, and for a moment, I’d forgotten where I was and what exactly were all these things and all these people that weren’t part of the Hunger Games movie and it felt like I’d lost something precious. I couldn’t stop tweeting about it all the way home and when I got home, I tweeted some more. Tweeting, watching interview videos of the Hunger Games cast on Youtube, reblogging graphics and gifs on Tumblr, rereading the Hunger Games trilogy, listening to the movie soundtrack non-stop for a whole week was how I dealt with my Hunger Games withdrawal. Hence why this post is long overdue, and also because it took me quite a while to put my feelings into coherent words.
Overall, despite the few flaws in the movie, I still thoroughly enjoyed it and The Hunger Games by Gary Ross is arguably one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. I’d actually expected less, what with the dissatisfying cast and the common knowledge that book adaptations are usually crappy. I know many subplots in the book were cut off but to be honest, I was being judgmental because if all the many little subplots were added to the film, we’d be sitting in the cinema for more than four hours and really, who wants that? The portrayal of the settings and events of the story was accurate enough to make me believe that the Hunger Games were actually real, and that was more than I could ask for.
I believed in the world of The Hunger Games, because I believed in Katniss Everdeen.
Listening to Safe & Sound for almost a hundred times over the span of two days now has got me thinking that this song is more suitable for the ending of Mockingjay.
[SPOILERS FOR MOCKINGJAY]
I remember tears streaming down your face When I said, I’ll never let you go When all those shadows almost killed your light I remember you said, Don’t leave me here alone But all that’s dead and gone and passed tonight
Safe & Sound sounds like a message from Peeta to Katniss towards the end of Mockingjay. Katniss suffers from post-war trauma during which everything is considered a dangerous element because everything is so fragile. Like a bomb that can go off at any second despite the end of a war– the irony of it. After what she’s been through, after months of terror and sorrow, it’s as if nothing can ever be safe anymore. But Peeta is present, and he promises never to let her go as he sees the “shadows” of her past -people she’d killed, people who’d been killed because of her, people she loved leaving and dying- slowly suck the fiery passion out of her. Katniss doesn’t want Peeta to leave her, because of the nightmares, the faces of the “shadows” appearing in her dreams to taunt her over and over again, but with Peeta’s presence -“But his arms are there to comfort me.”- he promises her that they will all pass eventually.
Just close your eyes The sun is going down You’ll be alright No one can hurt you now Come morning light You and I’ll be safe & sound
Night time usually brings terror (as it was in the Hunger Games) but this time, he’ll protect her. And in the morning, after the nightmares, he’ll be there for her and she’ll be safe and sound.
Don’t you dare look out your window darling; Everything’s on fire The war outside our door keeps raging on Hold onto this lullaby Even when the music’s gone, gone
I reckon that the “fire” and “war” are not literal but are instead mental battles Katniss is facing. He’s saying, don’t revisit the sorrowful times, despite the fact that they won’t ever really go away. Instead, hold onto “this lullaby”– Rue’s lullaby. “Here it’s safe, and here it’s warm, here the daisies guard you from every harm.” There will be moments when you feel nothing, nothing but a blank static screen and even all music is gone, but know that you are always protected and that you are safe.
In the music video, there are parts where Taylor Swift enters a dilapidated old house and that reminds me of the times when Katniss would revisit her old house in District 12, the one where she lived with her mother and Prim before the Hunger Games. Some scenes also showed Taylor in distress and at some point, even starts to hallucinate and this fits post-war Katniss.
I was also struck by another idea that this song could also be a message from Katniss to Prim, also post-war Mockingjay setting. Katniss is saying now that Prim’s gone, she’s finally safe, protected from the dangers Katniss couldn’t protect her from. At least she is now far, far away from all the tragedies and disasters that happen ever so often in life. “Don’t look out your window, don’t look down on Earth. Now that you’re gone, you’re finally safe and sound.”
Chuck Palahniuk said, “A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection,” and I have felt that moment.
I’ve felt it in all the great achievements and possessions I have: a loving family, good grades, various crowds of friends, two whole shelves of books, a standard list of skills and abilities, sanity. But lately, everything that has been in balance has started feeling fragile. Like I was on top of a pinnacle, bound to fall any moment, the end of my heyday. Everything that was in line -family, relationships, skills, grades, health (both physically and mentally)- all felt like they were in danger of toppling down the hill I have been climbing my whole life.
Is it possible? To gain so much and lose all of them in one go- in one second? I wake up everyday, expecting something unfortunate. Death. Failure. What if I wake up and lose the ability to speak? To write? What if I wake up a different hijacked person? What if I don’t, at all?
Sadness frequents my life more and more often now. I know this is sadness because I feel that there is no one. Some bouts leave me nauseous, as if everything is slipping out of control, as if I could fall down at any moment and never get up.
1. You must post the rules. 2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged. 3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post. 4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!
1. If you were forced to change the name of your blog what would you change it to?
Probably just “Michelle” or “Michelle Teoh”. Or lyrics from favourite songs.
2. How would you spend today if you knew it was your last day to live?
I would call each and every person I’ve ever known to tell them how great they are and how I’m thankful for their presences in my life and then I’d probably call up my favourite people and spend the rest of the day with them and also my parents. I would also leave my diaries and the address and password of my private blog at places where people can easily find them so that I’m not really gone after I die.
3. What is your most guilty pleasure?
Um. Listening to One Direction.
4. What is your most favorite smell?
The smell of food! (Sorry it’s so general, I don’t even really know what kind of smell makes me happy.)
5. Who would you most want to interview on your blog?
Hayley Williams or Mark Hoppus or Jesse Eisenberg or Andrew Garfield.
6. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Grammatical and punctuation mistakes top the list, followed by noisy people, people who smoke, people who don’t flush, people who block paths in crowds and people who sit in aisles to read and don’t even look up when you make an attempt to leap over their heads.
7. What is your favorite word in the English language?
“Effervescence” and “kaleidoscope” are two of my favourite words because they remind me of abstract strokes of art. I also like the word “letter” because I like letters (as in mail and not alphabets…but I quite like alphabets too.)
8. What is your favorite word in another language?
I’ve always liked the word “紫” (which means the colour purple) most probably for two reasons: a) it’s part of my name and b) I like the colour purple.
9. What do your favorite pair of underwear look like?
I have lots of favourite pairs of underwear, to be honest. This is also quite TMI but oh well, if you really want to know, one of my favourite pairs of underwear is orange in colour…which I am currently wearing.
10. Do you think the world is going to end this year?
“Always deny the apocalypse, John. You’ll usually be right, and when you’re wrong, no one will be left to say, ‘I told you so.’” was what John Green’s professor said to him when John was worrying about the Y2K bug, so, no.
11. If a movie was made based on your life, what actor/actress would play you?
I don’t know which actor or actress would play me but I’m hoping it’s either Saoirse Ronan, Kat Dennings or Ellen Page. In fact, given a choice, I would have Jesse Eisenberg to play my life because wow, perfect awkward role model right there.
I’m supposed to create another 11 questions and tag another 11 people but I don’t really want to do that at the moment so if you, the one who is currently reading this, wish to continue this tag, feel free to do so.