I’m expermenting my blog with names from Paramore’s songs. ❤

I see your true colours shining through
I see you true colours
And that’s why I love you.

Oh my. What an eventful week. I actually have a notepad to jot down aaaaall the topics I want to cover in this single post. OCD, much? Mmyeah. I’m trying to extract time from my /schedule/ -shifty eyes- filled with writing articles for DP and the Q to write this post, so appreciate it people. X)

Let’s start with…Sunday.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

I can’t believe the news today
Oh, I can’t close my eyes and make it go away
How long, how long must we sing this song?
How long, how long?
Tonight, we can be as one tonight

We had a Kursus Kepimpinan dan Komunikasi on Sunday, and to say I didn’t enjoy it, that’s false, but to say I was satisfied with the results is a lie too. I liked the talk, I’ll admit, but I’ll also confess I was trying all my best to stay awake. That’s a true confession meant for the public, yes. But otherwise, I totally got the whole gist of the talk, so no worries.

How disappointed I am with myself during group sessions. I failed epically I wished -and still do- to drown myself in mud water and leave my corpse afloat. Why can’t I freaking open my mouth and talk more? I want to , but it’s hard, such a stupid habit I’ve had since I don’t know when that I can’t seem to eliminate from my system. Git outta me, friggin shyness.

But well, I guess I had a pretty fun time. Not that I was meant to have fun, I think. Um, well.

Misery Business

I’m in the business of misery
Let’s take it from the top
She’s got a body like an hourglass
That’s ticking like a clock
It’s a matter of time before we all run out
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth.

Tuesday was freakingly unlucky.

I went home to find out I left my blazer in school, lost my purse, and got an extra scolding from my mother. I was incredibly depressed that night, not bothering to off the lights in my room or cover myself with my blanket, hoping the ghosts I suspected lurking in my room would come out and finish me off. One thing was good that night, that I didn’t get a nightmare, because I had a particularly gruesome one the night before.

Kayso, curious? It went like: a certain student in the same form as I died, and the whole school went to pay respect to her. Somehow, I got lost in the ceremony when everyone headed to her grave. It was a weirdly pleasant day but creepy all the same. Just then, Cikgu Nazimah appeared and led me to her grave…

…and I woke up.

To see the clock hanging on my wall completely beserk. The night before, it was completely normal, but now it showed 6.35 AM.

Which also means I’m late. Which was weird, since my alarm didn’t ring. The atmosphere in my room was seriously scary and I couldn’t go back to sleep so I barged into my parents’ room and it was only…

3.35 AM.

How on Earth could the clock move three hours faster? Slower, I get it, but faster?

Pressure

Cause I fear I might break
And I fear I can’t take it
Tonight I lie awake, feeling empty

I had a complete brain breakdown on Wednesday. I couldn’t even finish my ‘gong liao’ Mandarin essay, even after I had Jia Yee’s essay as a sample. I couldn’t couldn’t couldn’t spurt out a single word, which totally isn’t me.

What’s more, Cikgu Rusli scared the hell out of me that day. Just because I couldn’t answer a single question he fired (yes, fired. Like a missile.) at me, doesn’t give him the right to snigger at me, this I must say. Incredibly humiliated, I was. I wonder why everyone thinks I can do so well, have such extreme expectations of me, when I even doubt myself? Seriously guys, I’m not saintly enough. I am failing. If that doesn’t tell you much about what I am feeling right now, then I don’t know what will.

The Only Exception

And that was the day that I promised
I’d never sing of love if it does not exist

‘The Only Exception’ always reminds me of death. So that’s why the following content is not pretty at all.

Cikgu Sharafuddin’s demise was announced on Thursday, early morning. So there were tears, I’m not gonna elaborate on that, because I’m pretty sure everyone gets the picture of death and it’s consequences. I was never a student of his, and sad to say, my perception was less than pleasant towards the faculty. But as the Muslims had their prayer routine that morning, I sent a silent prayer to God, hoping that Cikgu would have eternal life and bliss wherever he is, and I apologise for any sins I conducted before. My condolences to Maziah, daughter of Cikgu Sharafuddin, even though I am not a particularly close friend. I /can/ imagine how it feels like to lose someone you love so much. It is heart-wrenching.

The same time the announcements were blared all over the school, I was on duty at the Form 6 block. I was having one of my insightful moments then, and wondered about how Alice Sebold wrote about the ‘Inbetween’. The sky was a clear blue that day, so fine a weather it betrayed the news of death. I wondered if souls were floating in the skies right then, the so-called Inbetween, and what it would be like to actually, be, like, dead.

I’ve actually thought about the subject, you know, about death. What if I had died right then? What impact would that have on Earth, the people around me? Well, for starters, the school would have a limbo with the award I got for last year. They would have to cross my name of the list of award winners and um, someone would get their lifelong wish at last. The St. John squad would lose a member. My friends would be devastated, I think, as would I with a friend’s demise. My parents would too. This Acer laptop would be used less often. Chinese New Year would be a scene of sadness. I wouldn’t get my fifteenth year angpau. Nox would lose Zoey and Jez and EH would lose Dylan and Cassy. My Facebook would be filled with commemoration comments. I’d never watch New Moon and Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I’d never get my book published. I’d never get to set foot in Australia. I’d never read The Time Traveller’s Wife. I’d never to all the things I’ve always wanted to. Now that I come to think of it, there’s a lot of things I’ll miss if I die. Sad.

Where The Lines Overlap

Give me attention
I need it now
Too much distance
To measure it out, out loud
Tracing patterns across a personal map
And making pictures where the lines overlap
Where the lines overlap.

I had a couple of weird dreams these three days. I swear, I think something’s influencing me.

Dream #1

Kayso, don’t kill me, but it involves Boo and Des. Like, literally, their characters. It was reallyreallyreally weird, since Des is Chuck Bass and I don’t know, Boo and I went to his house, and then talked (about what?) I was really confused about this dream, since I don’t know what the main purpose of the dream is about, but the ambience then was…creepy…and lustful? LOL. XD

Dream #2 -Part One

Another EH dream. My tooth felt loose that day, so in my dream it completely fell off, but then, it wasn’t me. It was Cassy. I was Cassy. (Cassy is my EH character, who is also Rayne’s cousin.) So, because off the broken tooth, I was disowned from the family. And paired up with Cymon, Rayne’s fiance. I swear, I’ve been eating too much sugar stuff late at night.

Dream #2 -Part Two

This one is slightly scary. Jia Yuan and I were daughters of this mafia family. You know like from those Hong Kong movies where late at night there are streets filled with antique shoplots with signs hung above it, with words written in calligraphy Mandarin? And not only one, there are dozens. We were from one of them. So, one night, I, the mischievous one, stole something (to be honest, they were bottles acting as a trademark for every mafia family that were placed on the roof of each shop. In my dream, they were like signs to show the said family’s status) from our enemy and replaced them with our own. I was happy, because then our status would be higher. But when Yuan found out, she said the enemy would be livid and there would be bloodshed. It pretty much went like this:

Yuan: Are you the one who stole their trademarks?

Me: Um, yes.

Yuan: Are you mad? Things are not going to be good.

And there was this suspension in the air not normally came with eerie music in films to make your hair stand. So, by the time I went back to change the trademarks, the enemy already realised what had gone missing and were sending out groups to our shop. Quickly, I tried to change the bottles back, but then it all ended too soon for me to remember whether I had succeeded or not.

Dream #3

This is one of my favourite dreams of all time. I was dressed up like Taylor Swift from ‘Love Story’ -for prom.

I know, that’s so unbelievable.

But really, I was wearing a gorgeous white gown with a white choker I found on my dresser (?) and my hair was done in a bun. The only thing missing was my shoes. I was wearing my brown slippers (ew!) so I was finding for white heels.

It was so much like a fairytale, and guess who my partner was?

Lucas Scott.

I know, I’m just as un-psyched as you are. I mean, I’ve never even watched One Tree Hill! But since I was ‘The Prom Princess’ and he ‘The Prom Prince’, it only made sense we went to prom together. I know, Prom Princess. I squealed at that.

But then that all ended when the dream changed into some kind of canoe competition where members also had to draw a painting on the canoe from an island to another. Me and my parents. Weird.

Wow, this post is as long as I expected it to, so I’m gonna end now. All lyrics credit to the amazing Paramore. ❤

And do you ever want me, do you ever need me?
I know that you left before goodbye.
And it’s okay, there’s always another day.

What a week. A whole week of kawat and neverending homework. Just the perfect things to spice up my life. /sarcasm

So something happened yesterday that I’m too scared out of wits to even put into words, and I’ve been too superstitious lately, waking up in the middle of the night and feeling eyes on me. Okay, that was seriously creepy.

Apart from that, I’ll live. Also, I had a good does of EH last night -even though that means I missed American Idol D:- so I’m good. Except for the peverted ‘Form Three Chapter Four’ and Alan’s last night.

Vessi introduced this site called Omegle where you can talk to a random stranger about anything without revealing anything, and some of them were absolutely hilarious so I thought I’d share it here.

Vessi’s:

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi, I’m Harry from England.
Stranger: Hi , Im Suzy from Jakarta .
You: Jakarta?
You: Did you go to Beauxbatons?
Stranger: Indonesia .
You: Ohhh.
You: I guess not then.
You: Do you know Cho?
Stranger: Cho ?
You: I’m looking for her. Ginny’s being a prat lately.
You: I need an escape.
You: Cho, yeah.
You: Asian, long black hair?
Stranger: who the hell are you talking about ?
Stranger: JUST CUS IM ASIAN DOESNT MEAN I KNOW ALL THE OTHER ASIANS IN THE WORLD , YOU DARN* JERK*.
You: Well, I asked Ron and Hermione but they said that I shouldn’t be looking for Cho
You: And my owl Hedwig kind of got her wing hurt the other day
You: Dumbledore’s dead.
Stranger: now your talking about harry potter ? T_T
Stranger: fml .
Stranger: good day sir .
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: i have a problem.
Stranger: what is it?
You: well.
You: the voices in my head, tell me they know best, got me on the edge, they’re pushing, pushing, they’re pushing.
You: i know they’ve got a plan, but the balls in my head
You: what do i do now?
You: i dont know, where to go, whats the right team
You: i want my own thing
Stranger: shoot yourself
You: so bad im gonna scream
You: i can’t choose, so confused, whats it all mean?
You: i want my own dream, so bad im gonna scream!
Stranger: scream!!
You: im kicking down the walls, i gotta make them fall
You: just break through them all, im pushing, crashing, im gonna
You: fight to find myself
You: me and no one else
Stranger: lol k
You: it’s like nothing works without her!
Stranger: that’s cute
Stranger: aw
Stranger: good luck
You: is it her? is it love? could the music ever be enough?
You: gotta work it out
You: gotta work it out!
Stranger: yeah!
You: ughh i dont know
You: where to go
You: i can’t choose so confused whats it all mean?
You: i want my own dream
You: so badi m gonna scream
You: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Stranger: let it out!
You: thanks.
You: i feel better
You: i’ll go talk to gabriella now.
Stranger: k bye
You: thanks man.
You: – zac
Stranger: yup
You have disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi.. can you give me some advice?
Stranger: on
You: i have some problems.
You: like legit.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: who doesnt
You: thank you so much.
You: alright kay so.
You: everybody’s always talking at me. everybody’s trying to get in my head.
You: i wanna listen to my own heart talking, i need to count on myself instead.
You: did you ever lose yourself to get what you want? did you ever get on a ride and wanna get off. did you ever push away the ones you shoulda held close?
You: did you ever let go, did you ever not know?
You: im not gonna stop, that’s who i am.
You: ill give it all i got, that is my plan.
You: will i find what i lost, you know you can
You: bet on it, bet on it
You: i wanna make it right, that is the way
You: to turn my life around, today is the day!
You: am i the type of guy who means what i say?
You: bet on it
You: bet on it!
Stranger: is that from like’
Stranger: highchool musica
Stranger: l
Stranger: or something
You: are you saying my problems are movie worthy?
You: as in not real?
You:
Stranger: no
You: how will i know if there’s a path worth taking? should i question every move i make?
Stranger: i just feel like u took that from some where
You: i thought i lost, my heart is breaking.
Stranger: how do u type so fast lol
You: did you ever doubt your dream would come true? did you ever blame the world and never blame you?
You: i will never try to live a lie again
You: i dont wanna win this game if i can’t play it my way!
You: loads of practice, dude
You: or dudette?
Stranger: are you ok
Stranger: im a guy lol
Stranger: that was imprssive
You: alright dude!
You have disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: WILD ABRA APPEARS
You: OMG PIKACHU I CHOOSE YOU!
You: THUNDERBOLT, GO!
Stranger: CRITAL HIT
Stranger: ABRA IS NOW PARALIZED
You: YES!
You: PIKACHU, RETURN! PERSIAN, I CHOOSE YOU!
You: SWIFT ATTACK, GO!
Stranger: SWIFT ATTACK MISSED
Stranger: ABRA CANNOT MOVE
You: THROWS POKEBALL AT ABRA
Stranger: bup
Stranger: bup
Stranger: bup
Stranger: WILD ABRA WAS CAUGHT
You: YESSS!
Stranger: WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE WILD ABRA A NICK NAME?
You: YES
You: BETH
Stranger: BETH WAS SENT TO BILL’S PC
Stranger: ALSO, YOU LOST THE GAME
You: I WANT MORE BEAR MACE.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Kayso, guess you got her HP, HSM and Pokemon reference. XD

Also, some from Steph trying to be Chuck Bass:

Steph’s:

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: Hello.
Stranger: girl or boy?
You: ..I’m Chuck Bass.
Stranger: yeah right
You: 😀
You: I am.
Stranger: so you must be a boy right?
You: Apparently.
Stranger: if you’re chuck bass, where you from?
You: New York.
Stranger: how old r u?
You: 19
Stranger: bday?
You: January 4th. Why?
Stranger: LIAR
Stranger: you’re not chuck bass
Stranger: (:
You: GG watcher, are we?
Stranger: and his name is Ed Westwick
You: Oh snap. ❤
Stranger: yeah, I watch GG
Stranger: nice one
Stranger: :p
Stranger: can’t fool me though
You: Nice to see someone guess my game.
Stranger: and people go for Chace Crawford more than Ed Westwick
Stranger: :p
You: Eh, I like Ed.
You: I’d take him over Chace anyday.
Stranger: SO YOU ARE A BOY RIGHT???
You: No, actually I’m not.
Stranger: i hate u
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hey
Stranger: hi
You: And how are you tonight?
Stranger: asl ?
Stranger: i’m good
You: ASL is a boring topic. How’s your love life?
Stranger: not bad
You: That’s always nice.
Stranger: bad actually
Stranger: lol
You: Upsetting. Gotta get back up on that horse. -nods- Smile. 😀
You: Meet new people.
Stranger: ?
You: Well, if you’d rather me not be positive. Then sorry your love life sucks.
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: i’m fine
Stranger: how about you ?
You: Oh, considering I’m Chuck Bass, it’s pretty damn good.
Stranger: who the hell is chuck bass ?
You: Me. Obviously.
Stranger: cool
Stranger: are you a PUA ?
You: A what?
Stranger: pick up artist i mean
You: I can be at times. Depends on my mood.
Stranger: maybe i should learn something from you
Stranger: lol
You: Possibly.
Stranger: how’s your girl ?
You: Which one?
Stranger: your last one
You: Ah, Ness. She’s amazing. Does things with her tongue you wouldn’t believe.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: you rock
You: I try, I try.
Stranger: how’s she now ?
You: Sleeping probably.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

One from Kate:

You: i’ve been trying to get this spell to work all damn day but it’s just not happening.
You: avada kedavra… do you know it?
Stranger: Harry Porter :p
You: not quite.
You: the little bugger’s called Potter where I come from.
Stranger: Potter….Sorry;;
You: i’m sick of him and Cedic sneaking into the bloody broom closet for sexytimes.
You: goddamnit, i’m Cho Chang. Cedric belongs to me.
Stranger: Just a moment please,it is okay to disconnect if u want.
You: avada kedavra?
You: did it work?
You: is that why you need time?
You: *waves wand*
You: imperio!
You: you will return NAO!
You: … imperio?
You: *ahem* IMPERIO!
You: crucio?
You: …
You: …
You: avada kedavra!

Isabella used Glee && HP:

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: hey
You: can i talk to you about something?
You: okay so basically my friend quinn
You: is pregnant but her glee teacher, mr shue’s, wife is pretending to be pregnant
You: so she wants quinns baby
Stranger: jeez
Stranger: that’s terrible
You: but finn, another friend of mine, quinn’s boyfriend, thinks its his baby but really its my other friend pucks
You: now im secretly in love with finn
You: but he wont turn to me cause of the baby
Stranger: umm…
Stranger: not to be rude, but it sort of sounds like you’re makin this up
You: ARE YOU KIDDING?
You: whatever
You: some people just dont appreciate me
You: bye
Stranger: hey, hey
You: -rachel
Stranger: i’m sorry

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: like, ohmygod, hi!
Stranger: asl?
You: 16/f/durmstrang
You: you?
Stranger: 17 m usa
You: ooh, what blood type are you?
Stranger: haha, what kind of a question is that
You: its just, im one of the only halfbloods at durmstrang. they’re all pure 😦
Stranger: sweet jesus
You: i know, right? and this other school hires the most insaneee teachers. like, for example, the last time i was there, they had this creepy guy named moody. WHAT TYPE OF NAME IS THAT?
Stranger: I can smell your virginity from here
You: pshhh. dont go all hermione on me, she was dating viktor once and they didn’t even go near to doing the deed!
Stranger: I dont even know how to respond
You: sorry man, i have to go. surprise trip to hogwarts, maybe old dumbledore will be so taken aback he’ll let me in 😀
You: nice talkin to you, muggle.
Stranger: good luck finding friends
You have disconnected.

But I loved Cass’s the most. EPIC. XD

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: marli
Stranger: perfeita
You: yes.
Stranger: AHAM
Stranger: LINDO
You: i totally agree!
Stranger: vou ouvir algo emo
Stranger: tipo sete cidades
Stranger: é
You: emo? yes, i am.
Stranger: to depre
Stranger: YOU ARE?
Stranger: (L)
You: yep, no matter wat language we’re all EMOS ON THE INSIDE.
Stranger: SE A PAIXAO FOSSE REALMENTE UM BALSAMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You: WOOT.
Stranger: MAS ENTENDA EU NAO ESTOU APAIXONADOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Stranger: cara, eu falei com uns tarados
Stranger: foi tenso
You: you know, i think my friend draco might be emo?
You: he’s always picking on harry.
Stranger: é teu amigo?
Stranger: eu gosto dele
Stranger: ele é lindo
You: yeah, draco that’s the one. him, crabbe and goyle.
Stranger: E VE SE TU NAO MANDA EU ME FUDER TAMBÉM, O OUTRO FEZ ISSO E EU FIQUEI IRADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Stranger: A PAIXAO QUER SANGUE E CORAÇOES ARRUINADOOOOOOOOOS
Stranger: CARA QUE EMO
Stranger: VOU CHORAR
You: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH VOLDEMORTS HERE??!@!?!?!?!
Stranger: FUI ABANDONADA HOJE
You: WHAT?!?!?!??!
Stranger: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Stranger: YEAH
You: OMG!
Stranger: RUN
You: RUN!!!!!!!!

I even tried one. My first one was quoting The Only Exception but he/she disconnected right after reaching the second verse. So I tried with EH reference instead:

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hello
You: hi i’m dylan
Stranger: Hello Dyaln
You: i study in eh
Stranger: *Dylan
You: and there are so many awesome people there
Stranger: I can imagine, I heard eh has some great cultural venues
You: there are this couple, boo and xander, and they are so amazingly amzing
You: then there is desmond owens, who looks so much like chuck bass
Stranger: That sounds amazing
Stranger: I love bass
You: then there’s this pair of twins, sici and alex moon, and alex is my gurlfraaaan
Stranger: What happent to Chuck Bass anyway?
You: i was just talking to chuck bass on eh just now
You: he makes the most amazing graphics
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

So we’re normal people. I swear. XD