`And I’m On My Way To Believing

Currently stuck on- The Only Exception by Paramore

Guess what time it is? 12.32 AM. Why am I still here? Boredom. And…stubbornness. To go to bed. Idk. I feel fail.

I know, I know, you’ll say you’re getting sick of me for being so pessimistic and stuff, but you’re not normal if you’re up till so late with nothing better than to do.

Then go to sleep! you say.

If it’s that easy. I say.

I feel as if my braces are gonna fall off, the latch is kinda loose, and I dunno if it’s a good thing or bad thing.

But, referring to my blog stats just now, people find my blog just by searching my name. And not my full name either. Bored, I was tempted to do the same thing and found this girl’s blog with the same name as me that I found quite interesting. BECAUSE SHE GOT TO GO TO AUSSIE. /kicks.

Michelle`s Sparkly Life

Meh. Sparkly.

I know, I’m being mean, but I’m cranky and in fail mode, so sorry, kay.

All Braced Up

Part One: Oblivion

I woke up at seven o’ clock today in an extremely groggy state and got dressed before heading downstairs and entering the car. JJ and Ean were my companions for the day again, repeating previous Gotchas and making me laugh till I cried. We had breakfast at a hawker store near Simpang Kuala, and it’s one way to Penang.

I was sleeping the whole time in the car, so serenely that my heart gave a leap when dad woke me up, saying that we had already reached the orthodontist.

Part Two: Nerves

Waiting in the waiting room with a book in my hand, I tried hard to concentrate on my book to keep my mind off what was waiting for me just a few feet away. But stuff like dental treatments stick to your head when you’re reading books like My Sister’s Keeper. Dialysis. Transplant. It’s as if the book itself was mocking my nerves and agitation. Heaving a sigh, I shut the book and shoved it into my bag. Darn Picoult. Instead, I tried to focus on House playing on channel AXN on the LCD TV hung on the opposite wall.

Bad idea to watch a medical show, too.

Part Three: Commence

My heart thumping hard, I enter the second room when my name was called. A girl asked me to lie down on the long, eerie victim patient chair. Firstly, the girl, which was also one of the dentist’s assistants cleaned my teeth with a sharp, pokey object that I won’t even mention. Anyway, there was blood, so you get why I’m not too fond of elaborating more about that particular process.

Next, she polished my teeth with stuff I couldn’t see through closed lids. My lips were pulled wide apart with a (puller?) to make things easier; and creep me out more. She asked colours, and I smiled. “Can I use all colours?” And she said yes, much to my glee.

When Dr Looi came in, my heart sank in fear. Okay, so here comes the prosecutor. Gulp.

Picking up an incredibly sharp object, he said, “Don’t mind the sound when I slice your teeth, okay?” I was like, What sound? What sound are you going to make? Ugh. Nonono. So I closed my eyes, mostly to avoid the stuff splattering out of my teeth (okay, no, I don’t know what is splattering out of my teeth) and also to avoid the dentist’s eyes. Okay, no, you’re hearing…a lawn mower. Nothing else. It actually wasn’t very painful, only hurting a little when he touched the gums. I was expecting him to extract teeth, but when he didn’t after slicing my teeth, I was pleased. No, ecstatic.

Then he started applying these silver parts on each of my teeth, and I was sure there was no more pulling of teeth. The procedure took quite some time, and he left the girl to thread the wire through the nuggets, followed by clipping the multi-coloured rubber bands onto the braces. I was already feeling the pressure on my teeth, but it didn’t hurt at all. No.

I was grinning wildly when I went out to meet my parents. It wasn’t as bad as I had thought.

Part Four: Minor

Next, we went to Queensbay to shop, and for once, I didn’t go to Borders, because I figured my parents already spent 4500 bucks on me today, so I won’t bother them with another burden. So I followed them into Jusco.

That was when my teeth started to hurt.

To take my mind off the matter, I continued My Sister’s Keeper and couldn’t seem to keep my mouth close. It was as if something was poking at my lips and it was irritating, so my mouth was a constant ‘O’.

I thought I could never get my mouth to close after this.

Part Five: Agony

Oh God. Oh my God. It hurts.

We went to Jusco in Bukit Mertajam next, and I was incredibly down, pain intruding my teeth nerves like hammers hammering on them repeatedly mercilessly. I only had Bubur at McD, and even then, it was hard to eat.

Only one word can be used to describe my condition.

HELL.

Part Six: Envy

We returned to Alor Star in time to attend Xin Tong’s birthday party at KFC. And I was welcomed by Jia Yuan, Jia Wen and Ai Chen swarming towards me, firing questions about my braces which I answered quite difficultly. Yuan even took the pleasure to mock me by eating a huge chunk of chicken meat right in my face. -kicks-

Kidding. Ily, girl. ❤

So I ended up eating mash potato and drinking Pepsi only. At least Chicky appeared to make the situation more bearable.

I can’t believe I just said that.

So yes, it still hurts right now and there is nothing I can do about it. D:

Insightful Moments

This week has been pretty eventful, I must confess, no matter how hectic it has been. I got sick with an irritating flu, followed by an even more irritating cough and had to skip school on Monday. I don’t know what’s been going on with me lately, but I’ve been looking at things that I’ve been previously scoffing at at an entirely new light. Insight or simply sentimental? I don’t know.

So I was watching American Idol last night, and those who know me on Facebook might have seen me quoting on FB that the show “brings out the worse in people.” But last night, maybe because it was 11.45 PM and I had just finished 13 pages of Sejarah notes, or maybe it was purposely exaggerated by the show’s producers, but when this guy won the golden ticket (Matt Lawrence or something, who had a criminal record when he was fifteen) and his family was hugging him and everything, I was thinking that he had won the challenge gloriously, and he completely deserved it. I was shocked at myself. Me, who constantly jeered at the predictable show, being all teary for someone on audition?

Another thing that I discovered today, something that really, seriously surprised me, is that I kind of like to teach. I’m gonna be all, “IKR? TISSRSLYBAD!” because I hatehatehate teaching. Well, I used to. At Science tuition, I was staring at Alan when he was writing stuff on the board and I kinda pictured myself in his shoes, and what’s more, I went through a 30-minute tutor with Intan this morning about Sejarah, and I quite liked it. Totally not sure why, but that’s the way things turned out for me.

Today was also the first time I joined a ‘kawat’ squad. It looked easy for Soya and the rest, but it was seriously HARD. My arms were never straight and okay, I looked and walked like a robot. And I got my synchronisation all poo. So when I got into my car, I was describing my first kawat experience to mum, and she added her own anecdote, saying stuff like how she’s Head of all Penang’s high schools’ marching squads and Head Prefect and Head everything. I used to sneer at my mum when she starts to launch into her glorious old days, but now, as I listen intently, I realise she’s almost everything I ever wanted to be, but I could never be like her, because I didn’t have the passion and spirit. And diasappointment engulfed me as I realise I have failed my mum.

I don’t know what these little scenarios mean, but I hope it’s for the best.

MAYO OH-YOU-TEE.

PS. Getting braces tomorrow. Should I be scared or excited?

The Best Kind Of Lesson

So I had ICTL class today, and was absolutely thrilled when Teacher Zaza exclaimed what our assignment for the class would be. First, she said,

Create a blog.

Ha! Easy peasy. Like that would be a tough job. Secondly, she said,

Write 8 posts about anything you like.

The first thing that came to mind was books.

If we had lessons like this everyday, I’d die in ecstasy. When I told my mum this, she was all, “Ha. You’ve been doing that all along.”

So I’ve come to a decision to review these eight books:

  1. Wicked by Gregory Macguire
  2. The Lovely Bones ❤ by Alice Sebold
  3. The Host by Stephenie Meyer
  4. Dear Zoe by Philip Beard
  5. My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult
  6. Uglies by Scott Westerfield
  7. The Time Of The Ghost by Dianna Wynne Jones
  8. Dark Visions by LJ Smith

Steal and you shall feel the wrath.

Mayo OUT.

The Little Pleasures

It has been quite a busy week ever since homework started piling high on my desk and my organiser was filled with uncrossed tasks to do by the subsequent day. There were school tuitions till four then continuous compulsory sports practice and tuition again late into the night that I almost fall asleep immediately as soon as my head hit the pillows. My calloused thumb’s pain is kicking in again, when it had sunk to the depths of my senses during the holidays. It’s only time when the peer pressure starts kicking in and late nights would play a role in my life. The thought of even opening my laptop seemed absurd, and unlike the phrase ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, I realise I’m learning to solve my addiction to the Internet and everything in it. Just as long as I don’t lapse back to my previous eight-hour-long stare with my glasses on typing in front of the computer for the whole day, I should be okay.

Even though the starting of this year pretty much means sad sad sad, I managed to let myself enjoy the sporadic yet enjoyable pleasures throughout the week. First there was Chin’s birthday on Tuesday, and we managed to hold a surprise birthday party for her in school. I spent half an hour the previosu night in the middle of finishing my Sejarah notes to prepare a Twilight-themed card for her, which I’m pretty fond of. I inserted the card into two big brown envelopes with the scary-this-is-confidential-stuff look and told Chin it was a letter from the PK concerning PMR details. I really hoped she fell for it, but I doubt it much after my suspicious effort to not laugh out loud. Pei Fong called her mother to get a cake over and we sang a birthday song to Chin in the canteen, much to her horror, and our joy. I thought it was a pretty good party, despite being surrounded by 1/4 of the school’s student body, 1/2 of which we do not know at all.

Also, Theresa lent me My Sister’s Keeper this week too. Boy, was I surprised when Syifa came up the Form Three block stairs and held the book in my face. I was grinning the whole day and coerced myself into finsihing Magyk so I can get a start on the book. Thank you, 3sa. (:

Just yesterday, Thursday, my gang of peeps and I had the most epic and perverse convo at the school porch after school. I won’t say what we were talking about, because it should definitely be censored and rated, but I probably had the best moment of the week ever, laughing till tears were leaking from my eyes.

Thanks to the movie Zombieland, I’m starting to learn to appreciate the little pleasures of my life, no matter how short and brief they may enter my life. I just hope they’ll be enough to compensate for the remaining periods of my life.

Clueless

I don’t know why I changed my theme. I don’t usually change my theme that often. I guessed I was bored and mentally exhausted. I feel pressured, but I have no idea why I am. I mean, everything’s pretty much going on fine with my life, save a few exceptions, I have a secure home, a pair of incredible parents, a circle of lovable friends, updated social sites, okay grades, and even working on a story for Love, M, but I feel something nagging at me all the time. I know I’ve said this too many times for you or my pleasure, but I feel like a huge failure. I feel as if I’ve violated a rule to make my life a perfect one and now it’s crumbling down behind my ears, mocking in my exasperation and sorrow. Not only have I failed myself, I’ve failed everyone else around me too. And I’m sorry. I know I’ve posted something similar to this in Tumblr, but I feel as if I’ve not apologised enough. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry if I made your life a living hell and I’m sorry if I irked you till you have the urge to incapicitate me everytime you see me. I don’t know what I’ve become, but I know something’s not right. I’m not going eM0, but I feel…distracted. See, even my sense of vocabulary is deteriorating. I’ve told many lies to many people, despite my personal principles, and I know some people hate being lied to, so I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. This wasn’t what I’d intended to present to the world, but there it is.

Visit to the Orthodontist

It was a fine day today.

Wasn’t that a weird way to start a blog post? It was a fine day today. How cliched. I’ll change.

My day started freakishly.

I woke up at 7.30 am on a non-schooling day, and it made me want to hit myself, considering I went to sleep at 2am last night. So in the end, I took up 20 minutes just to dress myself and went down to face the shouts of my mother asking me to hurry up. What’s the big deal, you ask? The deal is, I’m going to Penang to attend an appointment with my orthodontist, and here, I’m pretty sure almost every Chinese school/form-mate of mine will know what I’m talking about, since my not-so-loud speech about me getting braces caught everyone’s immediate attention during Chinese period last week.

So, equipped with my travelling essentials of a book, mobile, mp3 player and purse, we set off for Uncle Guan’s house because he would be following us to Penang together to fetch Aunty Wendy who had arrived at Penang from a Singapore flight last night, to discuss family matters. So during the whole journey to the island, you would not believe what I spent my time doing. In between recesses of listening to All Time Low on my mp3, I was totally spazzed out by JJ and Ean’s ‘Pants On The Ground’ sitcom session. They were all:

JJ: Hey, Ean, you know what I like about American Idol? It brings out the worse in people.

And they start playing Pants On The Ground, performed by a 62 year old guy on AI.

Pants on the ground,
Pants on the ground,
Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.

LMFAO, you guys. You’re not the only ones who have got POTG stuck in your head now.

The lovable hitz.fm morning crew.

Throughout the journey, they ran through all types of versions of Pants On The Ground, like ‘Boom Boom Pow’ and others, but those that really cracked me up were the versions of Mariah Carey’s ‘Touch My Body’ and Green Day’s ’21 Guns’. So it was like:

Touch My Body

Mypantsmypantsmypantsmypantsmypantsmypants
mypantsmypants

Pants. On the ground. Pants On. The Ground. Looking Like A. Fool. With your. Pants on the ground.

 

21 Guns

First verse: Do you know that your pants on the ground. JJ’s pants are not on the ground. (can’t remember the rest.)

Chorus: Pants! Pants on the ground. Look at that clown. Pants on the ground.

Pants! Pants on the grooound. Look at that clown. Pants on the groooooooound.

So much for trying to interpret a song into words. /fail

Anyway, dad hurried to Looi Orthodontist cos we were late, but it turned out that we were early and had to wait for a wholly 40 minutes for the doctor, and during that period of waiting for him, we fumbled with the things on his desk, namely, my teeth model and x-ray.

So yes, don’t freak out at my yellow teeth. D:

And then he started explaining stuff about pulling four teeth from my upper and lower jaw. I went rigid. Like, FOUR. Butttttt, he said there was an alternative.

And that was slicing teeth.

Like that helped. But when I asked whether it was painful, he just smiled and launched into a speech about ‘sounds like pain but ain’t painful at all’. Well, at least that was helpful.

After that we drove to Uncle Hong’s kopitiam to fetch Aunty Wendy back to Alor Star, and she showed us pictures of Caitlin and Ian, my cousins in Singapore, who were all grown up and more matured. I was thrilled to see those pictures, especiallu after haven’t seen them for so long already. Later, we went to a market to buy some dry food from one of my relatives, then went to the hospital to visit a relative with cancer. Even though I’m not particularly close to Sah Cik, but I wish him the best of health and keep him in my prayers.

Then, we went to Queensbay Mall and of course, I went to Borders to search for Jasmine’s book. But, even after questioning the girl at the counter, she said they didn’t have it and I got The Almost Moon, a book by Alice Sebold, my latest favourite author, who also wrote the impeccably written The Lovely Bones which its movie, unfortunately, isn’t aired in Malaysia yet.

And we headed home afterwards, stopping by at Lot 7 for some ‘Oh-Jian’. ❤

It was a pretty eventful day, I must say, since I’ve been stuck at home for too long since the holidays already. Or maybe I just need to get away from my books for a while.

Gotta go to catch American Idol. Bye. ❤ 

`Fifteen

It’s still hard to believe I’m fifteen. That’s halfway to being a senior.

Right?

Although Taylor Swift says you’re still a freshman if you’re fifteen in America and UK.

Fifteen.

The mere word says ‘Pee Emm Are’ all the way. People say it’s no big deal, but I can’t help thinking my deal is enormous. Even the peer pressure the school is asserting upon us makes it harder to breathe. Is it just coincidence, or is the Form Three block totally ostracised from the ‘out there’? We’re like a suspended, floating ship that has totally lost connection with the master port. A nest. To lecture and teach us without distractions from the outside world.

I hate responisibilities, that’s why I suck at them. Sometimes I’m grateful for the distractions so that I’d be able to concentrate, but I must admit I don’t think I’m wholly prepared for what is in store for me. Don’t think I’d be eager to find out either.

I know I’m contradicting one of my previous post, but depression loves me too much and can’t leave me when school starts.

`Galaxie 1/1/10

…totally just blew my brains off. Like literally. Thankfully, no one was at home when I tore open the cover of my magazine. I was pretty deflated a few days before because I was anticipating its arrival on the first of Jan, instead it only arrived on my doorstep on the 4th.

So I tore open the plastic cover and saw pink-haired Lady Gaga on the cover. I’ve fallen in love with her ever since I had Bad Romance on repeat mode on my mp3 player, so yes I was psyched. I was flipping open the pages cautiously and shaking with anticipation, because this over-60-pages issue is surely gonna be a blast.

The first few pages were about awards the gave out to artistes, and those that made me smile were Lady Gaga -Entertainer of the Year, Taylor Lautner -Hot Bod of the Year, Taylor Swift -Sweetheart of the Year, Katy Perry & Russell Brand -Odd Couple of the Year (like, fosho.), Megan Fox -Overexposed Star of the Year (I love the ‘overexposed’ part. XD ), and there are many more, but the next page4 showed Adam Lambert’s ‘For Your Entertainment’ album, Allison Iraheta’s ‘Just Like You’ album and Kris Allen’s self-titled album and that was my first ‘squeakature’. To resume the awards, Christian Bale was Douchebag of the Year (good one.), “I wanna ride on your disco stick” Love Game -Lyric of the Year, Adam Lambert -Risk Taker of the Year, New Moon -Movie Event of the Year, Miley Cyrus -Q-Witter of the Year(honestly, though, I’m glad she quitted.) and Michael Jackson -Headline Makerof the Year.

You might think I’m enjoying myself, but the fun part haven’t even started yet.

So flip another page, and there was a contest I must join asking which was my favourite Galaxie cover. Then, favourite albums of the year, those nominated that sent me squealing were Lady Gaga’s ‘Fame Monster’, Paramore’s ‘brand new eyes’ and Glee’s ‘Glee: The Music, Volume 1’. Glee. They never sell Glee in Malaysia. -dies-

But Galaxie knew Glee, that was for sure, cos that one day I tweeted to them:

@galaxiemag LOVE Glambert as the latest front cover!As usual, you guys rock epically.wondering if you guys heard about Glee (tv series)? ❤

And they even responded by:

@mayonnaise_face ZOMG! we totally dig glee… like, seriously. it’s not funny, ok?

So, posters time. I held my breath, turned the page…to find Kris Allen, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles staring at me. My first scream was Paramore’s, then Katy Perry, then Lady Gaga, then a louder scream: Chace Crawford. -dies again- Flip two more pages, and another scream: 90210. Hey Monday. 2010 Calendar. Taylor Lautner! Penn Badgley & Blake Lively! Ke$ha! SAOIRSE RONAN!? (She’s Susie Salmon in The Lovely Bones, which I’m reading btw. ❤ ) The next few pages had me skipping across, jumped a little at Boys Like Girls, The Saturdays and Cobra Starship (in firemen outfits!?) until I saw Bones and prayed, if only they had a Glee one… I hold on to that thought as I skimmed past Zac Efron, and WHAM!!

THEY GAVE ME GLEE.

I wasn’t sure whether it was Glee at first, but the first person I saw was actually Terri, so that had me in hysterics already, screaming like a serious madman, hoping the neighbours wouldn’t hear me and mistake it for an emergency or something. But then my eyes caught the word Glee in a red banner and my voice rose a few more octaves higher. And then Puck, Quinn, Rachel, Finn, Mr Shue and the rest began to fill my vision and I wanted to kiss Galaxie before I fainted.

The next few posters I really liked were Pixie Lott, All-American Rejects, Owl City (…is a lone guy?), Selena Gomez, Lily Allen, Adam Lambert, Kristen Bell, Heroes, Orianthi (!), Demi Lovato and Taylor Swift.

It was one heck of an issue. Brilliant and genius rolled up in one perfect combination, overwinning even BLG’s Two Is Better Than One.

This post is dedicated to the Galaxie team for being such amazing and fantastic people I don’t think there are enough outstanding adjectives to describe their awesome-possum-ness.

I ❤ you guys! <33

`An Excerpt: Form Three! What to do?

So thanks to Dylan Lim, a fellow NSCFL camper, he has added me to the list of contributors of the NSCFL blog. I would like to share my submission here, specifically addressed to all my fellow students.

So this is me expressing my opinions, mainly directed to tweens my age. And I’m sure everyone was or will be a Form Three student, or what my friends like to call ‘The Year of Hell’. Who wouldn’t be scared? I’m terrified, because I’m worried I wouldn’t be able to exceed everyone’s expectations. Through everyone’s eyes, I’m the top student who would be most likely to score straight As in any exam. The peer pressure of wanting to get excellent results in PMR is enough to bring down my whole house.

I know, it’s only the first day of school and I’m starting to gripe like a know-it-all, but I can imagine the difficult path already laid out in front of me. School, tuition, books, and more tuition. And I also know most seniors would say PMR is a piece of cake, which I get as rebukes very often, but the P to the M to the R feels like this huge time bomb that would drop on me if I don’t succeed well enough. Typical me might be bent over books and notes studying all night and day like a crazed kid that would think the world is going to end if I don’t get straight As.

But I still feel that way, only less now that I realise getting straight As in PMR, or any public exam at all isn’t the main goal in life. Everything is in God’s hands, His decisions to make, and whatever he decides, I won’t try to disobey. Of course, I will still feel like an epic failure if I fail, but at least I still know that God is watching, and still loves me as of how I love Him as well.

In the end, it all comes down to God’s love for all, whether you get 8As or 1A or none at all. We’re still equal human beings. Acing an exam doesn’t give us a crown or halo to glorify our success.

So, fellow Form Three students out there, let’s not get too pressurised over this PMR, kay? The world doesn’t revolve around it, and neither should our lives. Even though school life is about exams all the time.

God Bless, everyone, and have a happy new year. ❤

`FAIL SUGRPLMFAIRY – – – *

If anybody cares to check out my MSN username, that’s what mine says.

FAIL – Cos Michelle Teoh Zi Yan fails and almost everything. Literally. She can’t even blow a balloon to save her life.

SUGRPLUMFAIRY- ‘Sugar plum fairy’ is a term by Aunty Sue to make me feel better on the first day of school. Instead of wallowing in all the other penguin-like names (not that I don’t like penguins. Breanna’s a PablitaPenguin and I love her dearly. <33 ) I feel like a fairy. Not literally, cos I don’t have wands.

Just trying to console myself on the last day of Internetdom. /sad

Also, another quirky fact, I was bored and searched for my name, and:

(WordPress loves me again! /random)

It says my name ranks 21st in USA. Fail or Win? You tell me.

Mayo out, as per usual.