Michelle Teoh

Looking Back on 2013

I have this tradition on Careful Confessions, wherein on the last day of each year, mere hours before the instantaneous transition into a new year, I post a blogpost here summarizing the entire year before I leap headfirst into a new one. This year, I’m going to do this last-post-of-the-year thing with a questionnaire I found on Tumblr, in the hopes that it would be comprehensive enough for this very eventful year of 2013.

1: What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

Let’s see: I worked as a cashier for two months, went travelling to a foreign country for a month without my parents, went to college, went on a proper road trip with classmates, and went parasailing for the first time.

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn’t have any specific resolutions for this year, except to be braver, stronger and happier. In a way, yes I’ve kept them, and my resolutions will remain the same for next year.

Also, coercion into exercising more next year, because blood test results came back not as pretty as I’d like it to be.

3: Did anyone close to you give birth?

A cousin sister of mine did when I was in UK!

4: Did anyone close to you die?

A senior friend of mine, and Golden, my dog that I’ve had for about 10 years.

5: What countries did you visit?

The Netherlands (Amsterdam), England and Thailand (though I think the last one doesn’t really count).

6: What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

Um more positivity, I think, more tolerance, lower expectations of people and situations so I don’t get disappointed easily. More friends would also be cool. More concert tickets, too.

7: What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

23rd March- I got my SPM results.
26th April- Flew to London on my own (technically).
26th May- Met Jack & Dean, Tomska, JennyBee, Bing, Tim and Alex at VidFest UK aka best day of my life.
3rd July- Went to college.
23rd & 24th November- Went to Urbanscapes with Taliza and Bellyn.
22nd December

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I would say getting straight A pluses in SPM (because that is the generic thing to do and was my initial answer) but being defined by grades is such a sad thing so I’d say choosing to be more extroverted and less antisocial in a wholly new environment and making friends!!!

I also hit 100,000 views on this blog so I think that’s pretty cool.

9: What was your biggest failure?

Again, was about to churn out a generic answer concerning studies and grades but…overthinking and making terrible assumptions about people without knowing better, hence repelling people and making me lose friends (I hope I didn’t…but I wouldn’t be surprised if I did).

10: Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nope not really, thank goodness.

11: What was the best thing you bought?

I BOUGHT HARRY POTTER’S WAND FROM HARRY POTTER STUDIOS

12: Whose behaviour merited celebration?

You know what, I’m gonna say Mei, because I know this year has been an exceptionally good year for her, and I just want to say how proud I am of her and how amazing a person she is, for being one of the few people who have helped me get through my darker times.

Also shoutout to Rachel, for always being there for me literally whenever, which is such an amazing feat in itself and I’m always so, so proud of her and grateful for her existence.

13: Whose behaviour made you appalled?

I’d rather not name names for this.

14: Where did most of your money go?

Uh, shopping in England and KL during college days.

15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?

England trip, Urbanscapes, road trip and everytime I get to go home.

16: What song will always remind you of 2013?

Will I sound pretentious if I say Get Lucky by Daft Punk

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

(a) Happier, definitely.
(b) Thinner, definitely.
(c) I’m not sure, but I’d say poorer since last year I didn’t really have to worry about finances and handling my own money.

18: What do you wish you’d done more of?

Losing my self-consciousness and doing more…bizarre and extraordinary things.

19: What do you wish you’d done less of?

Assuming the worse of people, wallowing in my own self-pity and sorrow, lazing around and procrastinating.

20: How did you spend Christmas?

Dinner at my uncle’s! See previous post.

22: What was your favourite TV program?

Pretty Little Liars was my tv show of the year.

23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I do.

24: What was the best book you read?

Allegiant by Veronica Roth isn’t exactly the best but it was the most impactful.

25: What was your greatest musical discovery?

HAIM (!!!)

26: What did you want and get?

Straight A+ for SPM and trip to England.

27: What did you want and not get?

Soooo many things I’ve lost count.

28: What was your favourite film of this year?

Catching Fire, definitely.

29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Knowing that I’ve taken many of the chances that were thrown my way. Feels amazing.

30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

YAASSSS I became braver and more confident to wear whatever I liked, even wearing makeup willingly, a huge leap from previously wearing pajamas to tuition classes last year (so to those who criticise my current clothing choices, aren’t you glad now huh)

31: What kept you sane?

My parents and admittedly, my classmates.

32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Dan and Phil.

33: What political issue stirred you the most?

May 5th, Malaysian 13th general election.

34: Who did you miss?

My parents, man, you never know what you miss until you only get to see them sporadically once every few months. 😦 And also Heart, my dog.

35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

Life’s too short to worry about life being too short and all those little things that make you scared.

36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger, the person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger” – Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

Ultimately, 2013 was not the best year I’ve had, and it was certainly the most challenging (much so than last year, I might add), but I’d say it was also the most productive, change-inducing, eye-opening and freshest year I’ve had so far. So many new things that I never thought I’d had the ability or capability to do lined the paths of 2013, yet I managed to stubbornly bulldozed them down, giving me huge bouts of confidence and self-esteem I never thought I’d had in me. I like to think that challenges such as getting lost in London alone and being thrown into college (rather unwillingly) have built up my character and made me a better person that I was last year, or the years before that.

Have a good 2014, everyone! In the wise words of Hannah Montana, “life’s what you make it, so let’s make it right (background echo) let’s make it right”

❄ Christmas ❄

This blog is slowly becoming a photoblog oh wellllllll and I didn’t even take these photos but I’m gonna let these photos speak for themselves because there’s only so much you can talk about food.

This year, like every other year, we had a Christmas dinner at my uncle’s.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas this year!

Three Days of Awesome with Ann-Marie

Continuation of the previous post!

After picking Ann-Marie up from Bukit Mertajam, we made our way back to the lovely sparse lands of Alor Setar where she will be staying us for three days.

That night, we watched the 1D movie (looooooooooool) before going to bed.

I promised to take Ann around Alor Setar the next day so that’s what I did, after dropping by at Mi Xia’s place (and subsequently pick her up) since Ann also knows her, through BRATs. And then where else was there to go in Alor Setar, really? We went to Menara Alor Setar (only to discover it was closed), Habit Art Cafe, Pacific for dessert and then home, and it was a relief of sorts because the air-con in my car broke down halfway through the “tour” and it was like a furnace in the vehicle the entire time.

Ann made this collage on her Instagram yooooo

At night we invited Khey Ken to come over for teppanyaki dinner.

Again, stolen from Ann’s instagram (Look at my distressed face at the petrol station I HATE PUMPING PETROL)

The next two days, we were Hatyai-bound.

Overall, it was a good three days spent with Ann complete with plenty of catching up and good company, 10/10 would do it again.

Aboard S.S. Libra

Two days after the class road trip, it was time to start packing again, but this time for the four days three nights Thai cruise trip aboard SuperStar Libra from Penang.

It was my first time on a cruise, plus the fact that Elya was sending “””encouraging””” tweets about the Titanic storyline right before I boarded, naturally I was quite nervous. I’d never stayed somewhere that wasn’t on land for more than 24 hours. And you’re surrounded by a vast spread of ocean, limiting your available radius of motion, which when you think about it, can be pretty terrifying.

Morbidity aside, the itinerary for the events and activities on the cruise itself was literally so packed that it didn’t really leave you much time to think about your being trapped in a boat for about 96 hours.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound so terrifying and all, but those were my exact thoughts before boarding the cruise. Things turned out differently though after boarding because there were so many things to see and so many things to do and so many people you can talk to (the cruise staff are especially nice, one of the best highlights of this entire trip is the entire cruise staff because they are just so nice and friendly and I feel like this shouldn’t be a new thing to me, this should be practised among Malaysians as well but noooooo) and I was pretty much fascinated about everything, even the sight of the ship cruising along the ocean.

We were joined on the trip by Uncle Lim and his family, Uncle Leng and his family and Uncle Din and his family.

The first night was spent at the topmost open-air deck just chilling with a Filipino band performing covers at the deck below. Fresh out of the road trip, I returned to my antisocial self and spent the entire time rereading Insurgent.

The next day we stopped at Krabi at around 10 in the morning.

There were no other Krabi photos that could be recovered after my mum accidentally deleted all her photos ha ha welcome to my life

There wasn’t really much at Krabi except touristy shops by the beach so that’s where we went and I got myself a straw hat [laughs] and had lunch at Burger King [laughs again].

Returning to the cruise in the evening, we had a gala dinner which isn’t as formal as it sounds, do not not be fooled, children.

We anchored at Phuket at around 1PM the next afternoon.

This time, the Phuket trip was slightly more interesting and eventful than the one at Krabi. We didn’t do any beach activities, because it was packed with Caucasians, so we just went to outlets and local attractions and finally, Jung Ceylon, a huge mall near Patong Beach. Our tour guide described the Tsunami disaster that wiped out about 500 people at Phuket island in detail, so that was a pretty depressing moment.

That night was the last night on the cruise so there was a Farewell Party on the top deck and we were the only ones “dancing” to 90s music; it was a good night.

(It was also the night that I finished Allegiant back in my cabin at 3AM and didn’t know what to do because everyone was asleep and I had no Internet nor service it was one of the worst nights of my life)

We were scheduled to embark from the ship at 12noon the next day, so after breakfast, we waited at the lounge for our turn to exit. Despite the fact that being surrounded by endless water scared me, it was nice feeling kind of regal and important in such a high society place for four days.

We picked up Ann-Marie at Aeon BM after leaving the cruise to commence my Three Days of Awesome with her.

Fin.

Road Trip(ping)

Credit to Bellyn | Kids in a line: Austin, yours truly, Ian, Harris, Rynn and Danny | Kid jumping and showing his butt: Ken Fui | Kid also taking a photo: Taliza

Contrary to what the title might suggest, the road trip was extremely safe and innocent, everyone do not worry, it was just a funny wordplay that I’m pretty proud of myself for.

Initially, I thought I might be hardworking enough for a photoblog but then equipped with this terrible lagged laptop, I realised that wasn’t such a good idea. So, for photos of the trip by Bellyn, Taliza, Harris, Ziyun etc, links are here, here and here.

First day of the trip was Sunday, 8th Dec, but I was only present for the second half of the day. I’d flown back to Alor Setar the day before since I’d already purchased the flight ticket earlier on, whereas the other eight (Bellyn, Taliza, Austin, Ian, Ken Fui, Rynn, Danny and Harris) rented a van from Sunway, stopped for lunch at Ipoh (where they met up with Zitian) and then only headed for Alor Setar where they would be crashing at my house for a night.

Seeing all my Sunway classmates standing outside my house, sitting on my sofa, using my toilet, eating my food (technically not mine alone but it’s easier to describe it that way): it was all so surreal. It was like watching two worlds collide; previously when I’d firmly separated both environments and people (Alor Setar people in Alor Setar; Sunway people in Sunway) in my mind, I never once imagined they would both merge together to form something…beautiful. Initial foreignness aside, it was amazing having these people at a place where I’ve grown up all my life, it’s like writing more solid characters of them in the previous 17 years story of my life that was already written and archived before I went to college.

Credit to Mum | We were joined by Irfan by Facetime, where we put him in a bowl and made him watch a movie together with us

The next day, I was supposed to follow on the trip to Langkawi where the adventures will officially start but saddest of sads, I had diarrhea early in the morning and vomited at night due to indigestion.

I only met up with them again at Penang on the next day (Tuesday) after they took a ferry from Langkawi to Penang, and that night we had a fantastic seafood dinner at DeHappy, Bellyn’s dad’s seafood restaurant. Upset stomach momentarily forgotten, it was pure indulgence for the entire two hours we ate, and then we headed to Armenian St. to take photos with the famous murals in a seven-seater driven by Bellyn. Mural photos by Penang visitors are in abundance, but have you seen people take these photos at night? I don’t think so.

Credit to Taliza | Austin and yours truly

We stayed at Bellyn’s house that night, and the consecutive two nights in Penang, all nine of us. Taliza, Bellyn and I occupied the bed in Bellyn’s room while all the other boys found comfort and solace in random corners of the house (eg. spare bedrooms, couches, sleeping bags on the floor), as was the arrangement in my house as well.

Before I continue, I think it’s wise to add as a prelude that this trip was essentially an eating trip, because for the entire three days we were in Penang, we had three courses of breakfast, lunch and dinner each and that’s not including afternoon tea and supper. You can never run out of good food to eat in Penang, and everyone was wise enough to carpe that diem. We were transported around the island in the seven-seater Bellyn was driving, during which it was a constant jamming out session in the car accompanied by Taliza’s DJ-ing skills on the bluetooth-equipped car radio from early morning till after midnight.

Our first real day in Penang started with us going to the Chew Jetty (where we were joined by Ziyun) and subsequently the Made In Penang 3D Interactive Museum, a visit which turned out to be rather interesting. I’ve come up with the theory that the bunch of us are the literal embodiment of chaos walking, bringing fun and joy and laughter (lol) everywhere we go.

It was also on this day that I was introduced to this little alleyway place where they serve steamed/toast bread with half-boiled eggs in little mugs and coffee and despite the size and location of the “cafe”, it’s one of my favourite joints on the trip.

Credit to Bellyn | Harris and Ken Fui enjoying their coffee (perhaps a little too much)

Love Lane was also one of the places in Penang that we visited, where hormones started flying in the air and lines were blurred as the guys made outrageous, Nicholas Sparks-esque romantic poses/gestures in pairs under the Love Lane sign.

Credit to Bellyn | Ian and Harris; things got a little steamy at Love Lane

Bellyn, Taliza and I also had a HAIM photoshoot.

Besides eating and occasionally sight-seeing, we also went cafe-hopping. One of the cafes we went to is called Sip & Chew. This was when one of the biggest unicorn moment of my life happened: two shops away from Sip & Chew where Bellyn dropped us off to find parking is a really cute children’s bookshop. Our interest piqued, Taliza and I immediately ventured forward because of the adorable decorations and also because of the mere fact that it was a bookshop. The owner, a Chinese man in his late forties, I would say, welcomed us really warmly and I liked the place and the owner already, never mind that we were also greeted by a huge Urbanscapes poster by the entrance which we were always excited about. And then when everyone entered, Ken Fui’s sudden exclamation caught everyone’s attention and it turned out that the owner is actually Ken Fui’s uncle and his only relative in Penang. The coincidence! A lot more exclamations ensued, as well as multiple phone calls, and the atmosphere in the bookshop was just simply amazing. Never mind that when I started flipping through the children’s books, a lot of them were actual gold in terms of content and I doubt anyone can find children’s books of that sort anywhere else anymore.

Credit to Bellyn | Ken Fui and his uncle aka the owner of the bookshop

After saying our farewells, we thanked Ken Fui’s uncle and headed for Sip & Chew, where they were playing Birdy’s songs when we stepped in. 1901, specifically, which was one of the last songs we just listened to in the car before we arrived. We also had good ice cream and the moment was just perfect.

At night, we went to another cafe called Piknik and before we left we had a dance party to the sounds of our own laughter and heartbeats.

The first thing on our agenda the next day was– the beach! The Batu Ferringhi beach, to be specific. There, I went parasailing for the first time together with Taliza, and although I was absolutely terrified at first, I was encouraged by Tris’ courage and bravery since joining Dauntless (I was rereading Divergent at that time) and told myself that if Tris could do it, I could, too. So I did. And it was one of the best feelings in the world, I kid you not. We were both screaming when we ascended into the sky together, but then the screams of terror turned into screams of euphoria and I felt larger than life up in the air.

After the beach, we went to Straits Quay, where I got myself a Christmas jumper to get myself into the festive mood (as if I wasn’t in the mood already). We then went on more food ventures (do take note that the rest of the time we weren’t doing any of the things I’ve mentioned above was spent eating) (I wish I was exaggerating) and then went to Gurney Paragon at night. Our last stop before heading back is another one of Bellyn’s frequent joints, a dessert house called Crepe Cottage at Gurney.

That night, Taliza, Ken Fui, Harris, Rynn, Danny and I stayed up till 3AM playing Monopoly aka the game that ruins friendships. By that time, most of us were just delirious from tiredness and everything seemed funnier than usual. I imagine that must be what being drunk feels like, but then again I wouldn’t and couldn’t know.

The phrase “last day” was thrown around frequently the following morning, because that was exactly what it was, our last day in Penang. After having three breakfast courses (again), we went to Ghee Hiang biscuit shop before heading for our last stop in Penang: Queensbay Mall. We said our goodbyes to Bellyn there, the atmosphere beginning to get emotional with every second, and then it was my turn to say goodbye to all of them, as they would be taking the Aeroline bus back to KL at 4.30PM. After saying my farewells, I went to meet my parents who had already arrived hours ago and started to feel slivers of post-road-trip depression sinking in.

This class road trip is definitely one of the highlights of the year, and I’ve had my fair share of infinite moments during the trip. Here, I would like to extend my thanks to everyone who joined the trip for bearing with my antics the entire time and especially Bellyn for letting us stay at your humble abode for three nights as well as transporting us around the island for three days straight. I’m so thankful for all these amazing people I’ve met at Sunway and dare I say they’re one of the best things to have happened to me ever? Yes, I dare. I also like to think that I’ve picked up several courage lessons along the way and some of that never hurt anyone.

Bellyn made these cool videos.

is it the glow that keeps you moving?

(Credit to Taliza) Bellyn, yours truly and Taliza testing out our Destiny Child’s potential skills through Irfan’s bedroom windows post-exams

Late night blogging again. I still remember my secondary school days when I would stay up till 2AM to write about emotions and feelings that were only experienced at that time of night.

I think I’m doing the same thing again.

I’m home now, properly home, although it will only be like that for a day until I get whisked off away again to a three-day Thai cruise trip. Prior to this, I only just came back from a six-day class trip, majority of which was spent at Penang with my classmates. It was great and all kinds of amazing and I left the island and the people of the trip with hugely conflicting emotions.

On one hand, it’s amazing to be able to share infinite moments with people you like, but on the other you are also constantly reminded of your own flaws as you compare yourself with everyone around you who are infinitely more talented than you are. This feeling is followed by guilt, the guilt of comparing yourself with your friends because you don’t want any animosity or hidden feelings between your friends and yourself; yet you can’t help it. The persistence of feeling inadequate almost your whole life has led yourself to believe you are less worthy of these people’s company, and then you start to wonder how they do it so effortlessly. Is it the way they dress? The way they talk? The way they laugh at people’s jokes or don’t? And slowly your actions start to mirror their actions, they way you talk, they way you walk, but still it doesn’t work for you. And why don’t these people that you like so much like you back the same way? And you’re left wondering what exactly it is about you that repel so many people away even upon first impression.

All these shebang, when all you want is just a friend whose actions and/or words you don’t have to second guess all the time and figure out the presence or absence of an ulterior meaning.

Overanalysing too many details is not very nice, but the more I push it away, the more I’m reminded of having to do it out of habit.

Heightened emotions, man. Who invented them.

Urbanscapes As A First-timer

When Taliza called me one evening and asked me if I wanted to go to Urbanscapes for free, I did not for one moment hesitate to say yes. Well, okay, in reality I actually did because it was quite near to exam week but for maximum effect!!! I was given the chance to go to Urbanscapes for free!!! I don’t think these chances are easy to come by!!!

Later on I found out Taliza had roped Bellyn in as well, together with a high school friend of hers, Tash, and I thought things couldn’t get any better.

I thought wrong.

Taliza, Bellyn and I had Chemistry replacement class that Saturday morning, and the entire time we were just looking back and forth with the mutual enthusiastic glint in our eyes, counting down the hours until we would be free and running about at the biggest music festival (which we later also found out happened to be the biggest hipster joint in the country) in Malaysia. At 3PM, our journey to Urbanscapes commenced, one filled with exclaims of disbelief like “This is actually happening, we are going to Urbanscapes!”

When we reached MAEPS, the venue of the festival, we were actually dropped off at the back exit instead of the main entrance, and being lost, we started asking around for directions to the main entrance. After several unsuccessful attempts, we met this professional-looking guy wearing an Urbanscapes tag and all and when we approached him to ask him for directions, perhaps he could see through our

distress because he immediately offered to drop us off at the main entrance after exclaiming that it was a terribly long walk there. Extremely Lucky Chance #1.

To sum up Urbanscapes in three phrases: hipsters, hot weather and extremely overpriced food.

Photo credits to Bellyn, Taliza and also my iPhone.

11215110046_bc4fa94501_o — Yours truly and Taliza

11247067935_2f78689758_o — Taliza Kimberly (someone we met at Urbanscapes), yours truly and Bellyn

11215116536_bc4e3c2b88_o — Last Dinosaurs

The acts on the first day included Last Dinosaurs and Tegan & Sara, and overall it was a pretty good first day.

We went to MAEPS a little later on the second day, at around 6PM. The weather was comparatively better and a whole lot more awesome on the second day.

The day before, we received the devastating news of Two Door Cinema Club cancelling at the last minute and we were so pissed and sad (we ARE still pissed and sad) about it but I guess the show must go on.

Second day was a day of finally exploring Deer Society in the huge wooden building with stairs that was always full with people after not having done so on the first day. Since it was an over 18 area, only Bellyn and I went up and it turned out to be a bar and also a really trippy room where you have to play mini games to win tickets to get free froyos. After froyo, we slid down a really steep inflated slide into a pool of balls, something I did rather nervously and got minor cuts on my left elbow for it.

After that, we headed for the last act of the event: Franz Ferdinand. We started off rather calm and placid since I didn’t know most of their songs, but somewhere in the middle, for some reason, we just went all out and all wild, doing all sorts of wild dance moves despite not knowing the songs. Examples of aforementioned embarrassing dance moves: changing the lightbulbs, washing the clothes, stopping the traffic light, and Bellyn’s trademark, shooting arrows.

The two-day weekend spent at Urbanscapes was so surreal that returning to the real world became such a bore after the festival. I would definitely say that Urbanscapes is the highlight of the year.

Michelle’s People I’ve Watched Live List, updated:

Paramore (19/10/2010)
Elton John (22/11/2011)
OneRepublic (31/10/2013)
Last Dinosaurs (23/11/2013)
Tegan and Sara (23/11/2013)
Franz Ferdinand (24/11/2013)

Two Videos, Several Milestones

For three weeks, Bellyn and I have been shooting for a video called “Sh*t A-Levels Students Say” (which is, as you can see above, more politely renamed as “Stuff A-Levels Students Say”) as a project for our ALSTAR group. It’s quite a funny story, how the video turned out to be a video because we initially had a scriptwriting committee but in the end the presence of a script…eventually…got erased from our memories…and we found it well, easier to shoot impromptu scenes with ideas that were come up with right on the spot. And the end result is this. I was audio manager for the project, which means that I used my phone to record the actors’ voices as Bellyn filmed them. The only other time I’ve ever done anything of the sort was at YNN Camp and that didn’t really turn out quite well with me behind the camera, but I daresay this time was much better. It was pretty fun running around thinking of wacky, not-lame ideas and watch the torturous expressions on the actors’ faces as we asked them to repeat the scene again and again and again.

On the day of the video’s “premiere”, Bellyn went around all the NWG classes and played the video on the projector screen for everyone to see, and the both of us (plus a couple of our classmates) would just stand outside, peeping into the classrooms through the glass panels, observing their reactions and feel our hearts expand just a nanometer more everytime someone laughed. Of course, the whole idea wouldn’t have been able to be materialised into something that actually exists on the Internet now if it weren’t for Bellyn so let’s just all take another moment to appreciate her great videography and her great everything.

The second video isn’t as grand and majestic as the first, considering how I spent about two days compiling all the videos I have on my phone into a single montage with an app called Splice (which is A+ for people like me who a) don’t have a MacBook and b) have a very laggy PC with an even laggy-er Windows Movie Maker). The main reason I made this video, to be honest, is to send in to Dan and Phil’s radio show (which, I found out from Sakina, they didn’t show during their radio show last night aw sadface) and partially also because it was pretty funny and fun since it’s basically a montage of (1/50 of) my life. If I could sum up the video in three words, it would be: singing, dogs and random walking shots. Also, watch with your own discretion, I guess.

If you’re lucky, you might even spot yourself in the video! (Please contact me if you wish to have the video taken down because I just realised I didn’t ask anyone’s permission to post footage of themselves online oh god)

People/dogs in the video (in order of appearance): Bon Bon, Diyani, Lailati, Daddy (:~D), Ati-K, Aifa, Farhanah, Sarah, Anum, Khey Ken, Jia Yuan, Ryan Tedder (whoops), Lady, David Chee, Kak Mariatul Dianah, Mummy (:~D), Heart, Sakina Jumat, Paramore (double whoops), Tan Boon Ping, Yi Jing, Lee Zong Jun, (1/4 of) Chin Pei Ying, Laila, Rumin, Taliza Kitman (by extension: Ian Shih, Ken Fui and Karu) and A LOT OF MY FACE EW

The milestones I mentioned in the title above comprise of several things, one of those being Careful Confessions hit 100,000 views! It happened just two days ago, I think, and it’s amazing to think how many people in the entire world have read these words I’ve written, digested them, and then formed thoughts and opinions of their own based off mine. It’s crazy. All in the span of a mere five years, too. I still remember the very first day I created this blog: I was at Old Town (which doesn’t exist anymore) at the newly built Tesco in Alor Setar, taking advantage of the cafe’s free wifi by offering three bucks in exchange for a hot chocolate drink. It was then that I discovered someone who I was “researching” had a blog on this very blogging platform, WordPress, and I was instantaneously encouraged to make a blog of my own. And here I am, five years later, sitting in my hostel room, taking a short break from math revision to write this overdue blogpost. I still remember in the very few posts I first wrote, I wrote as if addressing an audience of thousands even though only four to five of my classmates then had the URL of this blog. I didn’t really write for anyone back then, more for my own amusement than anything else. Sometimes I miss those days when the pressure of a fixed audience was non-existent and I was able to write and post anything, but having an audience over the past few years has greatly boosted my confidence to voice out my opinions so it’s not entirely a bad thing. Happy 100k views, CC! Here’s to another 100k.

Following the “Stuff A Levels Students Say” video premiere, it was just a relentless routine of refreshing the youtube page and smiling to ourselves and having mini celebrations each time we saw the views go up. As of this moment, it has 6,541 views and that’s some pretty impressive feat right there.

Other milestones aren’t so numerical and physical, but more of a personal achievement kinda thing where I try to involve myself in discussions which aren’t purely gossip (because we all know how we cannot live without gossip) and also “bond” with people beyond the shallow surface of just saying hi whenever we walk past each other, which, according to John Green who coined this term as a metaphor for human connections in Paper Towns, is like sharing vessels. Now, honestly, don’t take this in the wrong direction at all, because what I’m trying to say is I’ve come to realise how reliant our own personalities are on human connections, which can both be a good and bad thing, but nonetheless very surreal and amazing. When you find someone who has a core similar to yours, and you can actually sense the depth of the conversation you are having with them instead of just staring soullessly into their eyes and feel your words not reach them. (Very hardcore stuff, if you get what I mean. Which you probably don’t. Because it’s an inside joke.)

Okay, I should probably publish this post now before my laptop goes into another blue screen mode which 1) happened while I was writing this blogpost (thank goodness for autosave) 2) has happened twice already in the span of five hours 3) kind of indicates that I might need a new laptop, maybe?

It Feels Like Home

I mean, it doesn’t always feel like home all the time, of course, but it’s enough that I feel comfortable and very much enjoy the company of my classmates. Classes don’t just feel like mere lessons where the lecturer drawls on and on either, more like a voyage or even simpler, a road trip where we’re all sitting in the back seat arguing over what to listen to on the radio or snatching packets of chips amongst ourselves; classes where our lecturers are also participants of this little road trip we have, so that no one is left out.

And then there are the crazier moments spent outside of class where anything at all could happen. I’ve not only been taken out of my comfort zone, but its also been stomped on and pulverized several times that sometimes I just feel like a fish out of water, out of the mundane routine I follow in my natural habitat. But sometimes it’s refreshing, like taking a fresh drag of breath after living in under-oxgygenated water for so long. Both frightening and exhilarating. And I think that’s what makes each day a brand new one that is anticipated to be filled with different challenges, different situations and different topics to share my two cents about. It’s taught me to fulfil both aspects of input and output, to share but also to listen, to catch with both hands what is thrown my way, to participate and contribute as a body and not confining myself to the bare four walls of my room and the everglowing light of my laptop screen.

OneRepublic Native Tour Live in Malaysia 2013

One of the events I’ve been looking forward to for weeks is OneRepublic’s first ever Malaysian showcase at Sunway Lagoon’s Surf Beach. Upon finding out that they were including KL as a part of their Native Tour, I asked Soo May if I could be her media representative for KL Lifestyle at the gig; and she managed to get me two media passes for it. So naturally I roped in my housemate, Yi Jing to join me for the concert.

On the day itself, my exuberance fell greatly when I found out halfway through classes that it was raining very, very heavily. But thankfully, it stopped like an hour or two before the concert, which was super convenient.

So after classes ended, at around 5PM, we started heading to Sunway Pyramid, where we registered at the media booth. How disappointed I was when the man behind the booth said we could only go in at around 7.30-8PM so the next few hours were spent rather painfully, wandering around Pyramid aimlessly because all I wanted right then was to just go inside already. Even Irfan, my classmate and publicly-proclaimed OneRepublic buddy, who got VIP passes got to go in to queue up at the mosh pit already, so the wait was a little bit of a disappointment but then all of that was forgotten when we were finally let inside Surf Beach at around 8PM.

It was a mere crowd of approximately 5,000 people, so naturally it wasn’t exactly full. Despite being absolutely starved (I started getting hungry only as we entered Surf Beach…how convenient), both of us were determined to squeeze to the front (we had VIP privilege too as media people hah) and for once, I was glad for my petite size. The gladness, however, diminished when I realise that we were literally surrounded by tall people. As in, we had to actually tiptoe 80% of the entire concert to get a good view of the stage (but then again we were only about two metres away from the stage which was actually not bad). In order to get nearer to the stage, we had to take off our shoes because there was a huge puddle that most people avoided even though the puddle was, well, only two metres from the stage, but it was a sacrifice we were willing to make; and it was well worth it.

The concert started with full suspense as a white cloth was suspended over the stage, which was pulled off only after 30 minutes of endless shouts of frustration from the audience. And then the five members of the band were revealed and holy friiiiiccckkkkk were they amazing. It had been two years since I last went to a concert (Elton John) and three years since I went to one where people didn’t sit down during the entire show (Paramore). The adrenaline rush that surged through my system then was sudden but pleasant, and being in the general ambience where you were surrounded by people who were singing along together word by word was simply indescribable. At that moment, we were all as one as we danced and jumped and waved our hands about (not too wildly, in case you hit someone near you) and felt sandy water splash around our ankles and calves. But all that didn’t matter because at the moment, it was just us, the stage, and the music.

(Perks of being a media journalist: you get HQ photos for free)

The 5,000-ish crowd (Photography credit: TianChad)

And then super talented lead singer Ryan Tedder got on his piano and started belting out ballads in his strong voice of his (that was a billion times better live than in their records I kid you not) . Perhaps my favourite moment ever of the entire showcase was when Ryan made a medley out of Justin Timberlake’s Cry Me A River, Rihanna’s We Found Love and most amazingly, Coldplay’s Yellow. If I was sitting on a chair, I would’ve fallen off that chair. If I was hanging onto a rope, I would’ve let go of that rope.

And when they covered Kanye West’s Gold Digger I wanted to climb on stage and run around proclaiming my love and gratitude for the whole band.

It also didn’t hurt that there was this super enthusiastic guy next to me who very obviously is an avid OneRepublic fan (judging by the way he knew every single word to every single song) and I daresay his excitement was fairly contagious. (Creepy note: he smelled pretty good as well, which is something you don’t meet very often at concerts.)

Setlist:

Don’t Look Down
Light It Up
Secrets
All The Right Moves
What You Wanted
Stop and Stare
Counting Stars
Spanish Guitar Medley
Apologize (with “Cry Me a River” snippet + medley)
Burning Bridges
Preacher
Gold Digger (Kanye West cover)
Can’t Stop
Marchin’ On
I Lived
Good Life

Encore:

Feel Again
If I Lose Myself

I was FINALLY close enough to the stage to get bombarded with the final confetti (Photography credit: TianChad)

After the encore (which I, admittedly, did not realise was the encore), everyone refused to budge despite the fact that the band had already said, “Goodbye KL, thank you for coming!”. There was a certain…incompleteness to the whole show; like what someone I overheard said, they hadn’t even introduced themselves yet. Like they had left too early. 20 minutes after they left the stage, we still stayed put, clinging onto the slim sliver of hope that all five of them would leap out and burst into one final song before actually, finally leaving. But nope. All we were greeted with was random crew members packing up the equipments, much to our dismay.

After the show, I texted Kak Dena (whom I found out was at the gig as well) and we met up to catch up briefly during the entire journey out of Surf Beach. That was one of the more unprecedented but pleasant surprises of the night.

Yi Jing and yours truly with the stage after the showcase

Yours truly with the absolutely adorable Kak Dena!

Despite it already being 11.30PM by the time we reached the apartment, the night didn’t just end there. We ordered 24 hours mamak for dinner, a dinner that we only finished at 2AM. So that was part of my eventful life as a college student.

There is a particularly different kind of joy that comes with attending music events, and safe to say, it is one of the most wonderful feelings in the whole world.

Michelle’s People I’ve Watched Live List, updated:

young hearts beat fast

Today was one of the best days of college yet, and I think I deserve it after the rough week I had last week.

Classes were as usual this morning, and even something funny happened during econs today. In lieu of the recent econs test we had, Miss Cherilyn made all of us write down all four points of “The Paragraph Pledge” on a blank piece of paper (it basically contains sentences like “From now on, I promise to use proper paragraphing in my essay; I will not explain or discuss all discussion points in one paragraph etc), recite it one by one as a class, and then got all of us to stand up and read out the pledge with our right hands raised and all while she recorded our oath-reading on her iPad as solid evidence. It was so amusing and everyone just couldn’t stop laughing the entire time.

After classes ended, it was time for the Halloween flashmob dance we’ve been preparing for about two weeks already. It was quite scary and nerve-wrecking because it was carried out at the foyer where everyone was. All of us had masks on (including masquerade masks, Guy Fawkes’ masks, Grim Reaper masks), dressed in black and dancing along to Ramalama Bang Bang in front of I would say 30% of the Sunway student population. After it was over, we caught the adrenaline of finishing a performance and returning to the classroom where we kept all our belongings, we continued the dancing spree, this time to songs like Single Ladies, Macarena, the Ketchup Song etc and we basically made up new moves of our own to cover up moves we didn’t know until we got to the chorus part. We even had a light-strobe-in-the-dark mini rave party to Avicii and I think I’ve found my first infinite moment in college thus far.

After that, most of us headed to Ken Fui’s house to help out with the Halloween Haunted House preparations. We basically stayed there for four hours and I even had the chance to duet with Bellyn to Breaking Free while we struggled with our Chemistry homework.

But these aren’t the only good parts of today: my classes commence at 11am tomorrow (PROBABLY THE ONLY TIME I WILL EVER GET TO SLEEP IN ON A SCHOOL DAY) and I’M GOING TO ONEREPUBLIC’S CONCERT AT SURF BEACH TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(More photos will be uploaded soon)

com·pat·i·ble

I think starting from now onwards, I’m gonna try to include at least a photo in each blogpost I write. Being around a photographer for long periods of time has made me develop an affinity towards photography (see, that’s the one of the most wonderful things in life; we take a little bit of each other and grow into it. It’s like…retweeting and reblogging. But in real life.) and since I like to think I’ve developed a new audience among my college mates, maybe these photos could give you insight into my “previous pre-college life”.

A little backstory to the photo: the year was 2011, I was writing an article about SlutWalk for Stuff@School under The Star’s Starstruck! Young Journalist Programme and decided to do this photoshoot with my neighbours which ended up becoming the cover of the issue. I, the initiate of the photoshoot, was actually late to it because I’d just gotten home from school, hurriedly changed into a dress and used these handdrawn signs I did the previous night as props as seen in real SlutWalks. (Little info on SlutWalk if you don’t know what it is: it’s an international annual event which takes place in many countries, where women take the streets with signs like the ones above^ [mostly scantily-clad] to protest against sexism and rape culture.) It was a pretty awkward photoshoot because we didn’t really know what to do so in the end we just tried to look both natural and cool at the same time so this is how it turned out. Pretty fabulously, I should say. Extra input: I wish SlutWalks were carried out in Malaysia (tough chance) because it still astounds me how ignorant so many people are about ongoing sexism in the world.

A little backstory to the title: one thing I’ve learned so far: if you ever find a conversational partner with whom you can hold a conversation for long and comfortably with, keep them. It’s hard to come by people like that, people with similar wavelengths and once you do, I think it’s a very rewarding experience. Like I said before, people give and take and the more you take, the more you give as well. It’s the best form of currency yet.

flames

The past week of college has been (besides the compulsory seven hours of classes we had to endure everyday) encompassed by photoshoots with Bellyn at random places in college for my lookbook account (I keep spamming this at y’all I’m sorry for my narcissism but I’m kind of proud of these shots and especially Bellyn [and also myself ok allow myself this moment of self-appreciation]), which earned me a lot of weird stares from the population of Sunway College but it was all worth it. Besides enjoying dressing up to college everyday, I also got to discover secret hideouts in the college that I never knew existed before. It was probably the only good thing that came out of this rough week.

Last night, Hoon Jie Jie took me around KL city to explore the hidden depths of the clockworks that make this city tick. Okay, maybe not so hidden since the first place we went to was KLCC but I enjoyed it quite a lot because I actually discovered so many places in KL that I didn’t know existed (patriotism, I might only have about 6% of it). It felt very touristy, but I’ve learned to not care. It’s easier to not care about what people you don’t know think of you, but quite the opposite for those you know and have come to like. It’s alright though, I’m still learning, just like everyone else.

Yesterday, Taliza said, “You’re one of the few people who actually feel comfortable in their own skin” and that kind of struck me. I’ve done this before. Maybe I could sharpen that blade that I’ve always wielded (but failed to put out at the current moment). Someone once told me that in order to be happy with other people, you’ve first got to be happy with yourself. Maybe I’ve got to take that first step first.

pretty ironic

that I’m writing this on the third day of being a lookbook.nu model but to be fair, it has nothing to do with physical appearances.

I can safely say I’m pretty happy and confident about my physical appearance (if not why the influx of lookbook photos I’ve been spamming y’all with right) and I know there’s not much I can do to alter the flaws I’ve been given together with this body; hence, I’m pretty thankful I am the way I look, so whenever anyone questions my height or weight I don’t really allow myself the capacity to be angry or sad or frustrated. I think I’m allowed that at the very least after a few years of abhorring my weight and constantly questioning why can’t I be as pretty as so and so etc.

But it’s not the outside I’m insecure about. It’s the inside. Coming to college, especially, has made me think a lot about this. It’s kind of hard not to, since I’m meeting so many new people. At many points in my life, I was convinced that everyone here hated me. My classmates, my housemates, even people I don’t know. I didn’t know if it was because I’ve had a change in personality (why didn’t this happen back in high school?) or it’s the environment or just growing up. Since forever, I’ve always been paranoid about what other people think of me, and there’s always this beckoning urge to please and make everyone around me happy even if I myself am not. Hence why I very seldom express true opinions on my own- unless it’s on the Internet then I have my Internet profile as a façade to protect myself from criticisms and disagreements.

I said this on twitter the other day, that I expect other people to invest as heavily in me as I do in them, but I realise that’s really far-fetched considering how my strong sentimentality and emotionality is not a common factor among the general teen-going-on-adult population, and thus many wouldn’t be able to comprehend. I just sound conceited at this point, but if my observations thus far are genuine, I’ve yet to met a similar person yet. As a result of this eternal fixed distance between me and whoever, there’ll always be this strong wariness and sensitivity that any motion or comment at all from the opposite party might stem from the annoyance of interacting or even just standing within the vicinity of me. It’s terrible. I mean, I’m working on it, but it’s terrible. To put it simply, I’m terrified of being hated but am not afraid to do so, which is a very hypocritical move and I judge myself strongly because of that.

And then there’s the constant reminder that I am the perfect example of a jack of all trades but master of none. There are so many talented people that are especially great at a particular field and there’s just me dabbling in everything but never really being able to come up with a true talent that I am able to present to others, at least. All talk but no genuine material. I mean, whatever I can do, almost everyone else can do it better. It feels shit not being a reliable source to others.

Sometimes all I want to do is pack up and leave for home, where I was cocooned within safely for six months, away from the prying eyes and judgments from the cruel hearts of society.

PS. RIP Golden, my faithful canine buddy for 10 years. You will be, and are missed.